Caught my young brother (12) looking at gay porn (support, parent, wife)
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This is the second time he's been caught looking at gay sexual content on the internet. The first time, he was caught by his mother, and she freaked out. She said some very vicious hateful things to him. It's as though his mother knows but doesn't want to know. When he said he doesn't know if he wants to get married, she said, "I hope you like girls", and once, I heard her ask him flat out, "you do like girls, right"?
That's not really posing the question fairly. A fair way to question his orientation would be, "do you like girls or boys?". Personally, I believe he is gay despite his statements otherwise.
As with any 12 year old, you should tell him that it's not appropriate for him to be looking at porn, and that porn is not representative of the kind of romantic relationships you hope he has when he's old enough to have a relationship. As to whether or not he is gay, I guess that's his choice to discuss that with you (and/or anyone else) when HE feels like discussing it.
Sit downand talk with him. Let him know that your love for him is unconditional - regardless of his sexual orientation. Let him know that you understand he may be curious but I would also let him know the dangers of pornography (not that its going to stop him - LOL!) I would also explain that his mother may have said some inappropriate things or hurtful - whatever. All in all let him know that you are a safe place to have an open discussion and will listen and support him - regardless of his orientation.
1st of all there should be a block on porn of any kind form with children of that age in the house.
2nd of all it's probably just curiosity. Maybe someone mentioned it and he wanted to see what they were talking about. From the sounds of his mother he doesn't feel comfortable talking to her about it.
And NOW probably never will.
3rd...The mother handled it terribly. Where's the Dad?
Maybe is someone actually ASKED him why he was looking at it someone might find out the answer. There's a thought.
This is the second time he's been caught looking at gay sexual content on the internet. The first time, he was caught by his mother, and she freaked out. She said some very vicious hateful things to him. It's as though his mother knows but doesn't want to know. When he said he doesn't know if he wants to get married, she said, "I hope you like girls", and once, I heard her ask him flat out, "you do like girls, right"?
That's not really posing the question fairly. A fair way to question his orientation would be, "do you like girls or boys?". Personally, I believe he is gay despite his statements otherwise.
What should I do?
Tell the mother she needs to watch how she talks to him, she sounds cruel.
I feel like I could just smack her right now. The poor kid is probably going through a rough time and to have his mother, who is supposed to be loving and understanding, she sounds like crap..
Been there done that. I have no tollerance for ignorance anymore.
When he said he doesn't know if he wants to get married,
I think a good number of 12 year olds would say this. It doesn't mean anything other than that they are young.
Quote:
What should I do?
This depends on so many things. How old are you? What is your involvement in the household and raising of your brother (do you live at home and care for your brother at times, or do you live elsewhere and only drop in on occasion)? How mature is your brother? How much sex ed has he had? What is your relationship with your mother?
It is really wrong that your mother says such things to anyone especially a child, and it is also wrong that she hasn't put parental controls on the computer to prevent access to such things (gay or straight). But there may not be anything you can do about those things; you may only be able to tell your brother it is okay to be gay or straight.
as with any 12 year old, you should tell him that it's not appropriate for him to be looking at porn, and that porn is not representative of the kind of romantic relationships you hope he has when he's old enough to have a relationship. As to whether or not he is gay, i guess that's his choice to discuss that with you (and/or anyone else) when he feels like discussing it.
really good answer!
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