How come some people think it is neccesary for them to live in the same city or state as their chidlren and grandkids ? (babysitting, baby)
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Me myself I will be moving next yr and i will be exactly 8 hrs away from my children and grandkids and i think that is great myself because they have their lives and i have mine and I will see them about 3 times a year . my sister thinks that is awful and that I should live in the same city as my kids and grandkids like she does . she always says "well they can move where they want to when im dead ", I think that is a selfish attitude to have concerning your kids and grandkids . what do you all say ? How many of you live in the same state or city as your kids and grandkids ? I think that also creates alot of drama so when they have a fight with the s/o they can go running home to mama or daddy . Please let me know your thoughts on this .
I think if you have the type of kids that leave their spouses and run home to you, it's best to put several hours in between your houses. Some people get along without codependency though and enjoy visiting more often. Whatever works for you!
My parents live in teh same state as me and my brother, but not for long. My dad is headed south, and I will be too.
My mother, however, thinks I'm horrible for wanting to do so. She feels that kids should stay near their parents (no matter their age or health) and vice versa. She even went as far as to say that if I move south, she might also - just to be near me. So she would subject herself to weather she dispises JUST because I am there.
Because some of us actually want to be part of our children's lives. I will live near my children because I plan on seeing my grand kids often. My kids never knew their grandparents on my side and dh's parents were in another state. Yes, they can identify their grandparents in pictures but I'd like to mean a little more than that to my grand kids. I have fond memories of visiting my grandmother often (at least once a month, usually two or three times) and spending time with her. Going to the zoo....Boblo island....picking raspberries...making jam...the state fair...sleeping in her big bed upstairs and the sinking into the feather bed ....I have lots of memories because she was always close by. She even baby sat us when mom was in between sitters.
Other memories I have because my parents didn't move away are visiting my dad when he was in the nursing home...making sure I got there in time for Wheel of Fortune....giving him a pedicure (seriously gross but I'm glad I could do that for him)...taking him for wheel chair rides before he was completely bedridden...Getting the chance go give back to someone who gave so much to me....
While my children never knew my mother or father, they did know my step father. They remember going to his house to have dinner every week (we brought dinner) and playing sequence...and letting him win...playing with his cat (who is now 17 and failing - we inherited him because he tolerates us)...they know who that wonderful man was because he was close by.
I will stay close. I may decide to winter in the south at some point but I'll always come back.
I think it's the quality of time you spend when you are with them frankly.
Growing up I was two houses down from one set of grandparents. Don't have a ton of memories of them and spending time. My other grandmother who lived a couple hours away - more memories than I can count. We loved, loved spending time with her.
My mom and step dad moved to Arizona when our son was little. It made for great trips and we went several times a year. We were just looking at some of those videos recently when they were here visiting. We had some great times.
Who knows where our son will end up - I certainly won't move to an area I can't stand. Rather spend the money visiting.
And as mobile as people are today with their jobs, what would someone do anyway if they had children spread all over the country (like my siblings are)? Or you follow them somewhere and they get a job somewhere else and have to move - keep moving with them? Not something we'd be interested in doing.....
When my two youngest sons leave the nest, my obligation to remain in this house is over. We will downsize, and move to wherever my husband and I prefer. Planes, phone calls and email will handle the rest.
My own parents set the example by moving from our hometown when they retired. They did what worked for them, and it had no negative outcome on the closeness they felt to their children and grandchildren. They never intended to retire to a life of babysitting, and neither do I.
People have to live where they can be employed and care for their family in the best way. My son lives in Singapore and while I miss him terribly I know he is doing what is best for him and his career. Grown daughter lives 8 hours away and yet we still manage to see each other frequently. I don't think trying to put a guilt trip on kids not to move away is right. Very selfish.
Guess what? Retired people have their own lives too. Novel thought isn't it!!!
Mine is very close. I see my sibs two or three times a week, my daughter I see at least every weekend. When she goes to grad school I suspect she will still come home twice a month or so. Even my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc all get together at least one a month.
My best friend is equally close with her parents even though they live in MD about 4 hours a way. They come up or she goes down twice a month or so. Actually most of my friends spend similar amounts of time with their families.
When my kids are older I hope to be around them as much as they want me to. I would relocate if it made sense, or spend extended periods of time with them (rent a place for a month?). I really hope my kids want me to be around, but I won't force myself on them, as I have a lot of other interests, it is just that my family is my #1 interest.
This hits home for me especially since my 14 yr old daughter just left CO to go home to MI yesterday. I have her during some holidays and all summer but miss her terribly when she's not around. We get along MUCH better now and have a great relationship and I know she's happy in MI with her dad and all of our family members, but some days, I sure do think about moving back just to be closer to her.
We're actually missing Virginia A LOT and my daughter expressed that after she graduates, she'd love to move back there. VA is pretty and close to the ocean and driving distance to MI, so I'm hoping we can make the move in the next year or two. My DH is all for it and has been wanting to leave CO for a long time now.
I say do whatever makes you happy
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