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sorry but you need some better education about fertility and menopause.
a woman releases approximately 10 to 12 eggs during each monthly cycle. When eggs are harvested the doctor tries to get as many as possible. I doubt any woman would go through this procedure for only 1 egg. Couples going through IVF store as many eggs as they can for subsequent attempts.
Where do you think twins come from. Most twins are fraternal which means 2 eggs are fertilized.
sorry but you need some better education about fertility and menopause.
a woman releases approximately 10 to 12 eggs during each monthly cycle. When eggs are harvested the doctor tries to get as many as possible. I doubt any woman would go through this procedure for only 1 egg. Couples going through IVF store as many eggs as they can for subsequent attempts.
Where do you think twins come from. Most twins are fraternal which means 2 eggs are fertilized.
Actually most women release one egg each month on alternating sides (ovaries). When donating eggs they put you on fertility drugs so that you will produce more egg so that they can harvest as many eggs as possible. Twins can happen 2 ways, either 2 separate eggs being fertilized at around the same time or one egg that separates in a way that causes two identical babies to form instead of one.
How would you feel if your ADULT child told you he/she wanted to be a donor?
I know the process is much easier for a man. I think I would worry about the health of my daughter if she wanted to be an egg donor (anonymously).
My 31 yo son has been approached for the 2nd time to be an anonymous donor. First time he was undergraduate and really didn't pursue it. Now he says it is what he wants to do. He has passed all the necessary medical tests. He is extremely healthy, fit, intelligent and I know he would make beautiful babies but a teeny part of me would be sad I would not know my grandchildren. He is single. He would be told if any children were born from his donation.
How would you feel?
As vulgar as this may sound, I would feel the same way about this as I would about ummm...other "stuff" of his. I wouldn't think about it unless posed with a question such as yours. Of course, I am of the mind that sperm and eggs do not equal babies.
How would you feel if your ADULT child told you he/she wanted to be a donor?
I know the process is much easier for a man. I think I would worry about the health of my daughter if she wanted to be an egg donor (anonymously).
My 31 yo son has been approached for the 2nd time to be an anonymous donor. First time he was undergraduate and really didn't pursue it. Now he says it is what he wants to do. He has passed all the necessary medical tests. He is extremely healthy, fit, intelligent and I know he would make beautiful babies but a teeny part of me would be sad I would not know my grandchildren. He is single. He would be told if any children were born from his donation.
How would you feel?
Personally, I would be fine with it. In fact, in some way this falls into the "LTMI" category of events. Telling you about this, puts you in an unusual position. A position where you can fantasize about longed for grand children that you don't have. Yet. He is at no risk and is providing a service for a couple who want to get pregnant or for a single woman who wants to bear a child.Personally, I would rather be left out of the loop on this one.
Pragmatically, it is not dangerous ( as egg donation is) and he will earn money.A baby may or may not result from his donation. I wouldn't want to know.
I think that you are wishing, on some level that instead of donating sperm that he was in a position to give you grand children. And, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. He is certainly old enough to be a father, but it seems he's not ready.
The best advice I could give you would be to say to your son "You are a grown man and if this is something that you want to do, then you have the right to do it. However just as I do not want a blow by blow account of your sex life, this kind of falls into the category of things that grown men generally do not discuss with their mothers".
If you think of it, any relationship that includes sex, could result in a pregnancy that you may never know about.
As an adoptive parent, I place less importance on the whole "flesh and blood issue". I know you are also an adoptive parent.
I think I would disengage from his sperm donation activities , and tell him that you really don't want to know.I do not think that you are butting in at all, I think that he foisted this upon you, thus putting you in an awkward position.
Also, I hear that you re anxious to have grand kids, and honestly, if I had a thirty something year old child I would be too. That's another topic.
If he does do this, it is not as though the birth of a child is the absolute outcome. But in either case, what ever is produced is not your grandchild.
I'd really rather not hear about all of this if I were you. It's just a little too much information, for my taste.
How would you feel if your ADULT child told you he/she wanted to be a donor?
I know the process is much easier for a man. I think I would worry about the health of my daughter if she wanted to be an egg donor (anonymously).
My 31 yo son has been approached for the 2nd time to be an anonymous donor. First time he was undergraduate and really didn't pursue it. Now he says it is what he wants to do. He has passed all the necessary medical tests. He is extremely healthy, fit, intelligent and I know he would make beautiful babies but a teeny part of me would be sad I would not know my grandchildren. He is single. He would be told if any children were born from his donation.
How would you feel?
Does your son specifically want to donate anonymously? I think there are sperm banks that do non-anonymous sperm donation, so that at age 18, the resulting children might be able to know who he is.
Many children who have been conceived via donor sperm do end up wanting to know more about their bio fathers.
In regards to biological siblings, apparently there are sites where you put in the "donor ID" and information of the donor and find others who were conceived by the same biological father. Apparently some donors even register as well.
Ages 18-44.
Individual who were not adopted.
Healthy: No significant illness or conditions.
No family history of genetic diseases.
Ability and willingness to produce a specimen 4-8 times per month in the laboratory.
Ability and willingness to make a minimum 6-month commitment
"If you do not have access to the necessary information, either because you are adopted or there is no informed person to ask, you should not become an egg donor."
I'd consider that his own business, and none of mine. I wouldn't even want to know. I don't think that I'd feel that any resulting babies were my unknown grandchildren, though... parenting is about way more than sperm and eggs! I'd be concerned about health ramifications for my adult daughter, but again, not my business.
He got me involved only because the application wanted extremely detailed information about his family's medical background. Regarding as far back as my own grandparents (and of course his father's as well) they wanted to know about any diseases, how old they were when they died, level of education, any deformities, and on and on. I wonder if all sperm banks go into such detail. Also found out he asked his Dad first and asked him to get info from me but Dad felt it was best he ask me directly.
His is also a rather unique situation as he is living in Asia and apparently "white dudes" are highly sought for sperm donation. I find that interesting but that is another subject. When he was asked the first time it was in our home area and I felt uncomfortable about it and explained to him why.
Also I feel I am sensitive to this because he is my only living blood relative and apparently my family has a very strong "resemblance" gene (if there is such a thing). My mother looked remarkably like her mother, I looked a lot like my own mother (at the same age) and when my son had to dress like a girl for a boy scout skit I almost fell over at how much he looked like me. I admit I'm curious if his children will resemble the females in the family.
Also I will be 66 in 2 weeks and it makes me a bit sad to think I might not live long enough to hold my own grandchildren from any of the 4 children DH and I have raised. Not sad enough to even whisper one word to the grown ones to take any steps they just aren't ready to take- if they ever will be. But I don't dwell on it one bit and I'm thankful for the healthy bright kids we have. Nobody can look down the road too far!
I guess every parent feels different. I think it's a great gesture for him to give people the opportunity to be parents who would otherwise not be able to. Is that not what he has learned from your family? You should be proud of him.
My daughter, who is the absolute love and light of my life, is an "egg donor baby". And while she, the donor, was well compensated for her donation - when I read her essay (required by the agency) about why she wanted to donate it was clear that she was a wonderful, giving person who basically said if she could help someone else acheive their dream, why wouldn't she? So, yes - I also think you should be proud of him....
But I can also understand that it is difficult to wrap yopur head around the idea of his "children" out there out there unknown to you. I know that , for the agency we used - donors were require to demostrate that they understood that the children which resulted form donation were the children of the intended parents and there were also alot of questions asked of the donor regarding the support fo their friends and family...
While men can be donors with ease and no discomfort it would be hard for a woman to go through it without involving at least 1 friend or family member to help them after the medical procedure. How much if any down time is involved for the donor?
I am proud of him and respect anybody who is a donor of body fluid or parts, alive or dead.
Bakeneko, do you plan on telling her about the circumstances of her conception? While I certainly think adoptees should be told the truth I have mixed feelings about donor children. Not until they were young adult would they even be able to understand the concept.
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