Is There A breaking Point For When A Parent Should Stop Loving Their Child??
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On a boring Saturday afternoon recently my husband and I were talking about this very thing. (There might have been drinks involved). If they (daughter and son) committed a really horrific crime as described in some of the posts, I would stop liking them. I'd hate what they had become. I'd probably never see them again. I'd still love them and who they were when I did like them.
They lived as part of me for 9 months. I feed them, clothed them, cared for them and loved them even before they were born. I suspect it would be like they passed away. I would mourn and still love the child that I lost through their own actions.
It's interesting...but does it really matter whether or not you "love" someone if you've completely cut them off anyway? It's a great sentiment but the only person it does any good for is yourself so that you can still say you love your child - doesn't do anything for them. It's a bit like a "If a tree falls in the woods but no one is there to hear it..." kind of thing.
This most closely resembles my feelings on the matter. I don't know if I could ever stop loving. My heart would be shattered like glass...but I think I'd still love my child. Heck, I gave a baby up for adoption back in 99...and I still love him. I think...maybe it would be like as if they died...I don't know.
I think giving up a child for adoption, realizing it is in the best interest of the child, is about the most loving thing a mother can do.
On a boring Saturday afternoon recently my husband and I were talking about this very thing. (There might have been drinks involved). If they (daughter and son) committed a really horrific crime as described in some of the posts, I would stop liking them. I'd hate what they had become. I'd probably never see them again. I'd still love them and who they were when I did like them.
They lived as part of me for 9 months. I feed them, clothed them, cared for them and loved them even before they were born. I suspect it would be like they passed away. I would mourn and still love the child that I lost through their own actions.
Wouldn't that be martyring. I think a lot of women are afraid to admit they could stop loving their child, grown or not because they are afraid of appearance.
"When the bough breaks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby cradle and all."
I mean, my mother has often jokingly said that if I were convicted of a seriously crime she'd disown me. Of course, I've never been convicted of a serious crime, have no record of any kind, and don't plan on getting one. In fact, I'd say those words spoken to me in jest so long ago are the reason why. Because of this I wonder if my mother would actually just cut all ties with me if I hit her breaking point. I wonder if I'd do the same if I had kids and set some kind of imaginary breaking point? Is thee a breaking point? Should there be a breaking point? Would any of you parents stop loving your children if they did something horrible? Or does parenthood ignore all that?
Edit: I wasn't sure if this should go in this section or the great debate section. Please move or keep as required.
I don’t have children in part because I am not sure if I could always love them and always be there for them.
I think that if you have children, you should always love them. But I know that’s hard to do.
I have a friend who had her first son when she was something like 16 or 17. She avoids the topic with me all together along with her first husband/father.... I've known her for a very long time and she is still not open to talking about it. I've personally witnessed verbal abuse from him (now in his late 20s) towards her.... To the point that I wanted to step in but it was awkward because after all he is her son. He and his wife live with her currently.... pretty much living off of her and her husband. Her husband has physical altercations with him too and now even their own marriage is failing.
I cannot think of a better example to stop loving her son....
What's with the decidedly male point of view here? How is it everyone stops loving sons but no daughters have been mentioned?
I think posters are mainly considering crimes such as serial killing, pedophilia, rapist, etc, which are overwhelmingly committed by male perpetrators.
There is a breaking point on when a parent should stop enabling, spoiling and making excuses for their child and probably a breaking point on when to stop supporting a child but no breaking point for stopping the love.
When I was growing up, our neighbors son was a mess. He'd lie to them to get money, steal from them, call from jail for bail. They paid for stints in rehab even once refinancing their house to do so.
Finally, they had had it. When they retired, they sold their home and bought an RV. She was sobbing when they left and he was choking back the tears.
They still loved him. They just couldn't be around him any more.
This was before cell phones, so don't know how it turned out, as we lost touch with them as well.
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