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First, I want to give you a *high five* for being such a responsible parent. Parenting is hard enough and to be one at 15 and still finish school, have a good career but have the odds stacked against you, it sounds like you turned out quite well - and so has your daughter. Woot!
In response to your questions:
1. No, I don't think it's wrong. I didn't have my baby until I was 32 so I don't know what it's like to be a teen parent but from one parent to another, it sounds like you've done "everything right". There will come a time when your daughter will realize this, too, and what hardships you had to go through to raise her. You two sound like you have a very strong bond. I'm sure she'll understand that you have your own hopes and dreams. It's inevitable, I think, that when she turns 15 she'll be like, "Whoa, Mom had me at this age. I can't believe she was raising a child at 15!" or something along those lines. She'll have an "a-ha moment" of how awesome of a parent you are and then be like, "I'm a big girl now Mom, it's your turn to follow your dreams!" Well, that's how it all goes down in my head.
2. My Dad died when I was 26. What's going to happen is going to happen. There is no use in dwelling over something beyond your control. If something were to happen, you will find a way to make it work. You sound very responsible and whatever decision you end up making for an ailing parent/relative, I'm sure will be well thought out and planned. Cross that road when you get there.
3. This is a tough one. From a career standpoint, people travel for work all the time. People have to leave the country all the time. I think if you have a good relationship with your child, it won't matter where you live. If she goes to a university and lives in the dorms, it really won't matter where you live b'c she has her own residence. She just needs to get to "Point B" to see you. Point B can be anywhere, really. In today's age of texting/talking/video chatting, I'm sure you two will have plenty of avenues to keep in touch. She just needs to know that you will always be there for her.
Okay, that's my sappy 2 cent talk. I have a 19month old daughter so I'm just picturing what it would be like if I had her that young!
I can somewhat relate to the daughter your position might be in because my parents divorced and sold the house my freshman year of college. Neither one of them had space for me to stay with them, so I was suddenly permanently away at school.
Colleges don't let you stay in dorms over break. I had to crash in people's apartments, on couches in frats, etc. I had to get a job every summer to pay sublet rent. It might have been good for me from a responsibility perspective, but it also made college very miserable. I think my last three Christmas breaks I did not see another person except for practice and the weekend of the Midlands tournament (I was a college wrestler). Spring break and thanksgiving were a better since the weather allowed me to see people in the neighborhood more. Summer was similar empty.
So, if you are going to be unavailable and your daughter is no longer going to have a home, I would suggest some important points:
1) Make sure she goes to school with friends. I went very far away from school; there was not even another person from my district, much less my school, at the college I went to.
2) She should start living off campus ASAP. This will allow her to establish a home at school. But realize, this also means she might stay there after she finishes school.
3) Get back for the holidays if you can. Might even want to spend holidays at your daughter's place.
You have been a great mother, so far. Just hang in a bit longer until your daughter is out of college and settled into her own life. It's just the blink of an eye in terms of time. IF your daughter has others in her support system, like your parents? then I think it would be alright to leave the country while she is in college, if you get a great opportunity.
If my child was still dependent and she had an accident, or illness and I couldn't get to her quickly, I know I would feel terrible.
OK, so this is a little premature (she's 11 now) But I am not sure what I am going to do once my daughter grows up. Let me explain:
I gave birth to her at 15. I finished High School and went to college off and on, moved about the Country....yada yada. I was never your typical teen mom. I'm now 26, doing good career wise. I will be 33 when she graduates from High School (and I'm going to make sure she goes away to college-like, lives in a dorm, away) I've settled in Las Vegas, for hopefully the remainder of her School-Age Years. It pains me to stay in one place for long, but for her sake I am going to stay here and gain more experience in my field.
I don't see myself ever getting married, and am pretty self-involved, so I don't think I am the marrying type. I definitely don't want anymore kids. I got lucky with my daughter because shes bright and well-behaved. I would hate to roll the dice and give birth to satans spawn. My dream has always been to travel the globe while working. I have seen some jobs that would fit me perfectly after I finish my degree (coupled with my current experience) So here are my questions:
1. Am I wrong for planning for my "reverse-youth" of sorts? I have never made my daughter feel as if I don't want to raise her, I've been extremely responsible-considering the situation. I love her to pieces.
2. I have panic attatcks that one of my older relatives will become imobile- and my plans will be thwarted. Am I horrible for thinking this way?
3. Would I be wrong to send her way to college and then leave the country (she has loads of family, here in the states, she wouldn't be alone) I know people say "Kids dont stop needing you when they turn 18"
Wealthy people, for decades, have been putting children in boarding schools so that they could travel. There is nothing in the world wrong with it. Teenagers your daughters age have stronger attachments to their friends than their family, anyway. If you send her to a boarding school, she will get a fine education, be supervised, spend lots of time with friends, and YOU will be able to do what you want to. Everybody wins.
or, if you could also "unschoool" her and take her with you if you want. Unless she is planning on going into the hard sciences as a career choice, there isn't much that you learn in high school anyway. Considering the opportunities to misbehave (as you well know, mom at 15), and get into trouble, the downside to conventional high school education far outweighs any minimal benefit. The education she would get by traveling would be just as good, if not better.
It's your life. Don't wait around for tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come.
How about traveling with her? Maybe she would love to have this experience, maybe study abroad or something
My last job, we travelled all over the country & she hated it! She begged me to take a permanent job, here in Vegas. She's blossoming here, and craves the stability, her most pressing concern at 11 is having "friends"
I can somewhat relate to the daughter your position might be in because my parents divorced and sold the house my freshman year of college. Neither one of them had space for me to stay with them, so I was suddenly permanently away at school.
Colleges don't let you stay in dorms over break. I had to crash in people's apartments, on couches in frats, etc. I had to get a job every summer to pay sublet rent. It might have been good for me from a responsibility perspective, but it also made college very miserable. I think my last three Christmas breaks I did not see another person except for practice and the weekend of the Midlands tournament (I was a college wrestler). Spring break and thanksgiving were a better since the weather allowed me to see people in the neighborhood more. Summer was similar empty.
So, if you are going to be unavailable and your daughter is no longer going to have a home, I would suggest some important points:
1) Make sure she goes to school with friends. I went very far away from school; there was not even another person from my district, much less my school, at the college I went to.
2) She should start living off campus ASAP. This will allow her to establish a home at school. But realize, this also means she might stay there after she finishes school.
3) Get back for the holidays if you can. Might even want to spend holidays at your daughter's place.
I didn't have the typical college experience, so I did not even consider breaks from school. Thank you for bringing that up. I guess we shall see where she goes to school at, at that time. I would assume she would spend time with my mother & grandmother. But if she's on the other side of the country that wouldnt be feasible.
Wealthy people, for decades, have been putting children in boarding schools so that they could travel. There is nothing in the world wrong with it. Teenagers your daughters age have stronger attachments to their friends than their family, anyway. If you send her to a boarding school, she will get a fine education, be supervised, spend lots of time with friends, and YOU will be able to do what you want to. Everybody wins.
or, if you could also "unschoool" her and take her with you if you want. Unless she is planning on going into the hard sciences as a career choice, there isn't much that you learn in high school anyway. Considering the opportunities to misbehave (as you well know, mom at 15), and get into trouble, the downside to conventional high school education far outweighs any minimal benefit. The education she would get by traveling would be just as good, if not better.
It's your life. Don't wait around for tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come.
20yrsinBranson
Traveling is different than moving out of the country. I see nothing wrong with the OP taking some extended trips if she can afford it; but picking up and moving out of the country leaves her daughter with no place to go home to. As a college freshman I'd have been devastated if my parents up and moved. The poster up thread had some good points about dorms being closed over school breaks. Maybe if the OP got her daughter set up in a long term rental, or even bought her a condo she'd at least have a place to stay, even if her mom wasn't around.
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