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If the OP's list is true (and considering how some people treat their children even in the 21st century I see no reason not to believe it) then these things are insane. Either the adults are religious fanatics or mentally disturbed. They're treating this kid like a piece of furniture. I hope he/she can escape as soon as they hit 18.
I think teens prefer to know what is expected of them. That is quite different from control. They want boundaries but freedom within the boundaries.
Yes - and I think wherever the boundaries might be set, there is almost a need at least for some kids to go and push against them.
A kid that is given a 10 pm curfew will complain about how horrible his/her parents are, a kid given a 12:30 am curfew will complain about his/her terribly strict parents. It's kind of the thing to do when you're a kid to complain about parents and how strict and unreasonable they are. Sometimes it lets a kid off the hook -- it's not THEIR fault that they aren't the life of every party and out until 4 am every night -- it's their overly strict parents who have limited them.
Often the kid is actually fine with the rules but it's just something to complain about. Kind of like the grown man who will tell his friends the old lady won't let him do something but probably he didn't really want to anyhow.
Complaining about parents or the rules doesn't mean they are rebelling.
BUT......... The OP story is an example of over controlling.
More likely over-exaggerating -- very common with 16 year olds. That kid gets 2 hours on the computer if he/she has homework and hopefully s/he's given homework often enough -- 2 hours most nights -- and 30 minutes otherwise isn't terrible - there are kids in this world who have survived with no computer in the home. I don't limit computer time with my kids and very often they don't go near the computer, or are on less than 30 minutes.
And the kid has a cell phone -- lots of kids have grown up without ever having a cell phone. If a kid is given anything less than an iPhone with unlimited text and data, he or she will often feel very deprived. And maybe the kid was told that once about kids being seen and not heard.
I'm sure many of us even remember being 15 or 16 with a martyr complex because we weren't given a new car and even on weekends had to be home before midnight. Many kids want to think they ended up with the strictest worst parents ever. It's just part of growing up.
Yes - and I think wherever the boundaries might be set, there is almost a need at least for some kids to go and push against them.
A kid that is given a 10 pm curfew will complain about how horrible his/her parents are, a kid given a 12:30 am curfew will complain about his/her terribly strict parents. It's kind of the thing to do when you're a kid to complain about parents and how strict and unreasonable they are. Sometimes it lets a kid off the hook -- it's not THEIR fault that they aren't the life of every party and out until 4 am every night -- it's their overly strict parents who have limited them.
Often the kid is actually fine with the rules but it's just something to complain about. Kind of like the grown man who will tell his friends the old lady won't let him do something but probably he didn't really want to anyhow.
Complaining about parents or the rules doesn't mean they are rebelling.
Yes this is exactly what they want. They want to know what the rules are. They may whine about the rules, they may even break the rules a little to see how strict the rules really are but I think they want to know what the rules are. I agree that whining about the rules is not rebellion. I even think that trying to negotiate the rules isn't rebellion.
More likely over-exaggerating -- very common with 16 year olds. That kid gets 2 hours on the computer if he/she has homework and hopefully s/he's given homework often enough -- 2 hours most nights -- and 30 minutes otherwise isn't terrible - there are kids in this world who have survived with no computer in the home. I don't limit computer time with my kids and very often they don't go near the computer, or are on less than 30 minutes.
And the kid has a cell phone -- lots of kids have grown up without ever having a cell phone. If a kid is given anything less than an iPhone with unlimited text and data, he or she will often feel very deprived. And maybe the kid was told that once about kids being seen and not heard.
I'm sure many of us even remember being 15 or 16 with a martyr complex because we weren't given a new car and even on weekends had to be home before midnight. Many kids want to think they ended up with the strictest worst parents ever. It's just part of growing up.
The kid isn't allowed to have any contacts on talk to his or her friends.
I think they are a little bit on the controlling side.
So they better enjoy being the "controllers" while they can...few more years and all "that fun" they're having at their kids expense WILL be gone...guaranteed.
Yes, I think being way too controlling will likely create rebellious kids. I have actually witnessed parents who would hound their kids about their mediocre grades etc. And guess what? Their grades did not improve, some would run out, join the wrong crowds, get knocked up, not go to university, smoke, do drugs...
Parents are there to guide their children. There is a very fine line between guidance and control. Guidance is informing your children that they should treat you (and others) with respect, inform them to tell you whenever and where they're heading out, providing your honest opinion when they ask for advice (ie. their friends/dates)...Controlling is feeling that you have the right to snoop through their belongings for evidence, restricting them from attending social supervised events like dances, throwing a fit when they don't take your advice....you probably get the picture.
I have been the victim of overcontrolling parents, and I'll admit that I have experimented with wild behaviour because of it. I have had to move over 2000 miles away from them and leave a group of good friends behind, yet they never fail to pull guilt trips or bombard me with email/text/voice messages.
Yes, I think being way too controlling will likely create rebellious kids. I have actually witnessed parents who would hound their kids about their mediocre grades etc. And guess what? Their grades did not improve, some would run out, join the wrong crowds, get knocked up, not go to university, smoke, do drugs...
Parents are there to guide their children. There is a very fine line between guidance and control. Guidance is informing your children that they should treat you (and others) with respect, inform them to tell you whenever and where they're heading out, providing your honest opinion when they ask for advice (ie. their friends/dates)...Controlling is feeling that you have the right to snoop through their belongings for evidence, restricting them from attending social supervised events like dances, throwing a fit when they don't take your advice....you probably get the picture.
I have been the victim of overcontrolling parents, and I'll admit that I have experimented with wild behaviour because of it. I have had to move over 2000 miles away from them and leave a group of good friends behind, yet they never fail to pull guilt trips or bombard me with email/text/voice messages.
Exactly. I've seen parents restrict their kids from their own prom! It's just crazy.
Of course it does, it always does. It has to, it's the only way people "grow up".
There is rebellion and then there is REBELLION, but it's not necessarily bad.
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