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....standing your ground, no means no, you do not budge from whatever it is that you have decided the consequence for repeated bad behavior will be and you must be consistent.
If you have warned your child/ren that there will be no desert if they do not eat their dinner, then do exactly that. Do not waver and give in to whatever form of protest they my present you.
If you tell your teenager that he/she will not be going to the skating rink to meet up with friends until after his/her room is cleaned up, then, well, you have spoken, so shall it be written, so shall it be done.
You see where I'm going with this? You must radiate an air af authority, use your no bones about it voice, give them the LOOK, the facial expression that says your serious, and stand your ground. You will be a parent your child can respect, a steady, strong willed person they can rely on and admire and trust.
Children will test you to see if you'll stand by your threat. They are all about I, Me and MINE, and I WANT. A parent who surrenders and gives in with a, "here have the pie, just stop crying." or a "fine, go skating, you can clean your room tomorrow.", you have just given up your power. You have, at that moment, become a parent who can be disrespected and manipulated. It is a sure sign of weakness and they will use it to get their way. Your parenting experience is going to be rough indeed, especially when you get to the teenage years, by far, the toughest of all stages you will go through with your child/ren. The teenage version of a temper tantrum is a very, very, ugly thing.
That's PART of effective discipline. It's good that a parent is a authority figure because throughout their life there will always be someone who is in a position of authority.
At the same time, I don't think it's good to play the authority figure role all the time. It's a 50/50
That's PART of effective discipline. It's good that a parent is a authority figure because throughout their life there will always be someone who is in a position of authority.
At the same time, I don't think it's good to play the authority figure role all the time. It's a 50/50
But I agree with you for the most part.
Oh yes, by all means, enjoy, have fun, play, laugh and do all these wonderful things with your children. I certainly did with my daughter, still do. I had an absolutely fantastic childhood, my parents were and still are AWESOME!
I was merely talking about the disciplinary aspect of parenting. Kind of a power perceived, is a power acheived thing. There was absolutely no question in my mind who the bosses of my household were when I was a child growing up and my daughter wasn't confused about it either. :-) When parents are firm in discipline, they don't have to spend too much time in disciplinary mode.
I can see where I sounded a bit of the tyrant in my post. Thank you for replying.
I agree with you about discipline, it has to be shown early otherwise there will be issues later.
The " terrible twos" are also called first adolescence, for a reason. The same pattern will appear when they're teens, and depending on how you dealt with the child when he was a toddler, those teen years will be easier to go through, or not. So it's important to start showing authority when they're little, and be consistent.
You had my answer in your first sentence: consistency. And if there are two parents both of them have to be on the same page and backing each other up. I'm a huge believer in The Look as well. Once kids know what that means, and that getting The Look means "stop now" it's a powerful tool. And a quiet one. Great for public places where they're getting a little too rambunctious. My DH had a way of clearing his throat to get their attention. It meant "look over here because you are going to get The Look and Papa ain't real happy at the moment: You have been warned. (Insert the music from Jaws here.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-19-2012 at 07:45 AM..
Yes --- completely agree. You cannot laugh at something one time and then the next time punish them for it or get angry. And you must follow through, if you tell the child not to do something and then the child does it, you must not just shrug it off.
I agree with the OP. When you say something, you back it up. My wife and I have done with our son (he's 2.5 years). It works great at that age. He's starting to push back a bit. Testing the boundaries.
What was amazing to see was what happened when we made a trip to see the grandparents. They ruined one of our methods for discipline in about two days. They noticed that one thing that would work effectively is that we'd give him to the count of three to correct whatever his poor behavior was (example: he is not sharing with another kid). After three, its time-out. Every time. No matter what.
We got a point where just saying "One!" would make him correct his behavior.
So, back to how the grandparents ruined it. They saw how well this worked... so they tried it. And naturally my son called their bluff. They'd do the "One! Two! Three!" - and then they just didn't have the heart to stick him in time-out. It caused damage to that discipline method that we haven't quite recovered from yet.
I've got a close friend who has a six-year old daughter and I can immediately see the difference in reaction when I (as a friend who may just happen to be hanging out) say something to the child versus when her mother says it. I've always been one to follow through on my word, regardless of what it is in life.
And if we're hanging out and the kid gets particularly ornery, I'll casually drop in a line something like "I think she's tired and wants to go to bed," or "I don't think she wants to go to McDonalds." The reaction is immediate - 9 out of 10 times, the kid falls in line immediately (the last 1 out of 10, it leads to an immediate meltdown).
Of course, as a friend I'm obviously limited in what I can do - thus putting the friend (the mother) in the unusual position of carrying out my "threat" - which she invariably does if I'm present.
Thing is, the mother doesn't have the heart to do this on her own - thus, the child takes me seriously, but not her.
I've made it clear to her where I stand, though - I'm not the father.
Needless to say, I'm single with no children but as my friends all get older and have babies, sometimes I get front-row tickets to really expensive fireworks shows.
Actually is is not just standing your ground... Rather it is that BOTH parents stand their ground and are consistent with the rules. Works like magic! (Teamwork )
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