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My niece is a pretty, slender athletic girl. She is a good student and has several close friends. She does not know any boys and has never been on a date.
My sister is upset because her other daughter began dating in groups at fifteen. Nothing serious, but normal movie dates, pizza, ice skating, or beach trips. This is what my daughter has done.
Is this very unusual? She will be going away to college in the fall, and socially she is more like a 14 year old than a seventeen year old. My sister thinks she should see a psychologist.
I think that might be traumatic for her. But I agree that babysitting, baking, knitting and crafts as her only activities are more tween than late teen.
She says that she likes boys, but none of them at her high school are her type. She also says my sister is over reacting. She may be, because that's her nature, but as a Senior in high school, I would think that some activities would involve boys of her own age, not just three girls who she has known since middle school.
My sister and I are also a little worried because we have another sister who did this. She was also attractive, had a nice personality and had a tight knit circle of friends. She is now in her late 40s, never married bitter and miserable because she never had children.
There was always something wrong with every boy or man who showed an interest in her. This began in her teens.
My niece complains that my sister compares her to this "weird aunt" (her words) but she is actually acting like her.
Has anyone ever heard of a pretty high school senior who will not date? She has been asked out but she turns the boys down because the are "not her type".
Well, I hadn't been on a date at that age either, I actually started only after I started college. I was shy and lacked self confidence back then, so I kept away from the dating scene.
Maybe she doesn't feel ready... these things will happen. Or maybe she is afraid they may ask for more than she is willing to give, and doesn't know how to react? Who knows!
Please don't worry, or compare her to her aunt - just because her aunt never married doesn't mean your niece won't either.
I wouldn't worry. I was really shy in high school and didn't date until college. A lot of my friends in relationships in high school had nothing but drama...always fighting with their boyfriends and missing fun things with our other friends because they were caught up in some romance. I have zero regrets about not dating in high school.
Wow, your sister is the one I worry about. She is working very hard to send your niece down a spiral of self-doubt and hate, all while securely driving a wedge between herself and her daughter.
Please tell her these things:
1) People are different. This daughter will date when she's READY. She is not you or her other aunt, she is not her mother or her other sister.
2) That your sister would say in front of her own daughter that she will turn out like her "weird aunt" is shameful. It's hurtful toward the aunt and the daughter.
3) Let the niece decide who is her type and when she will go out.
Yes, it is normal for "even" a pretty 17-year-old to be this way. It's her life. Tell her mom to let her live it - without the judgmental comments.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 12-03-2012 at 12:21 PM..
I didn't start dating until a month shy of my 19th birthday. She'll be ready when she's ready. Don't force it and don't make her feel like a freak because it hasn't happened yet! That'll practically guarantee her ending up with totally the wrong person. If none of the local boys interest her, perhaps she's just waiting to see the big wide world of COLLEGE before making up her mind. Maybe she just wants to widen the potential gene pool
You could (tactfully!) ask her if she has any questions about being in college and college life such as partying, drinking, etc. If she does, answer them truthfully but non-judgmentally. If she doesn't, leave the option open but respect her privacy.
So, your sister has already labeled her daughter as "weird" because she hasn't dated before she's even out of her teens?! Comparing her to the "weird" aunt (to her face?!) is horrible and sets this young lady up to have issues. Would your sister prefer she grab the first boy she comes across just to prove she's "normal"? For pity sake... tons of people don't meet their significant others until well past their teens. I would have prefered my daughter go to college, work on her career and life, before she started dating. Perhaps your sister should look at some of the other posts here about the problems teenage girls can get into... and then perhaps she should count her blessings that her "weird" daughter has a good head on her shoulders.
She shouldn't be dating at 17. She should focus on school. All the way through college actually. Not everyone is meant to date, get married and have an army of children. You and your sister should chill the f out.
Her mother shouldn't compare her to anyone, it certainly doesn't boost her daughter's confidence. She may just be a late bloomer - nothing wrong w/ that - and when the right person comes along, it'll happen. Nothing wrong w/ her to focus on other interest, her studies etc. Far better for her to get into a good college and land a good job and be self-supporting than date the first guy who comes along (esp. if she has no interest) - am sure Mr Right will come along, prob. sooner rather than later, but she shouldn't be pushed into it or made to feel as though something is wrong w/ her - different strokes for different folks (btw, a family member had a couple of maiden sisters and in the back of my mind I hoped my sister and I wouldnt be like them (no one verbally compared us though) and it didnt happen, we both went on to have happy marriages and children. I would let it go and let it become a non-issue, which it should be, better for your sister to focus on something else.
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