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NYMD67, your family has the right idea about family, which definitely includes cousins.
In theory, not necessarily in practicality.
I haven't seen my cousins since the last family funeral. I was one of 7 kids, my cousins were all either only children or one of two. Our house was always the gathering spot as a result. Our lives were much more chaotic and busy (in a good way I think) than theirs. We live in the suburbs, they all lived in city apartments. We had little in common besides DNA.
My own children vacationed with my siblings and all their children every two years while growing up. They are much closer in age than I was with my own cousins, and seem to really like each other when the opportunity arises to get together, but I doubt any of them ever talk otherwise. They are spread across the country. Families rarely all remain in the same town these days.
We do not live near any of our family anymore, we have not lived near them since my husband & I were married, 17 years ago.
We still visit them when we go home & every Summer, someone is at our house. So, my theory is; where there is a will to stay close, there is a way
We do not live near any of our family anymore, we have not lived near them since my husband & I were married, 17 years ago.
We still visit them when we go home & every Summer, someone is at our house. So, my theory is; where there is a will to stay close, there is a way
To some extent...but you are going back visiting family you grew up with. The interesting thing will be how "in touch" your children and their cousins - whom they did not grow up living near - will stay once your generation is gone or even no longer arranging travel.
To some extent...but you are going back visiting family you grew up with. The interesting thing will be how "in touch" your children and their cousins - whom they did not grow up living near - will stay once your generation is gone or even no longer arranging travel.
Very true! I always wonder if they will remain close, I certainly hope so, but it is true, we just don't know.
I had 18 first cousins on my mom's side and 2 on my Dad's side. I know a couple families where only children are married to only children so their children have no cousins, no aunts or uncles and in one instance, no siblings. DH has a boat load of first cousins, 50+ I think. I can't keep track. Both parents are from large families.
I grew up in a small town where everyone was cousins. Except me - no cousins. It was horrible and clique-y and one of the things I really hated about small town life. Now I live in a large urban area where no one is cousins with anyone and we don't know most of our neighbors. If you ask me, this is much preferable to the clannish atmosphere of small town America 50 years ago.
"My daughter is very close with three of her cousins. It's such a relief to my sisters and I (the other cousin is my dead brother's daughter) that they will have one another when we are gone, since we didn't have the chance to give them siblings."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprite97
Would having siblings make the kids/cousins not be close? I think people should be close to their cousins whether they have siblings or not. Siblings shouldn't stop a relationship between cousins, just like they don't stop a person from having friends or spouses.
Afterall, cousins (like siblings) share family (grandparents/aunts/uncles) and are the children of siblings. Cousins are family, but seem to be very underrated/ignored. I don't understand how people can claim to be so close to a sister/brother, yet could careless if their own kids are close to that sister/brother's kids.....their cousins.
I'm glad your daughter is close to her cousins. Cousins should be close, even with siblings.
I'm pretty sure MQ meant that they are relieved the cousins are close because they don't have siblings to be close to. I don't know how that has anything to do with siblings stopping the cousing relationship.
My children are also very close to their cousins, despite living very far. I was close with my cousins as well. My husband didn't even know his cousins, and they lived in the same town. They met once while playing, and one told him they were cousins. So sad.
I have 2 cousins, both boys, both close in age to me. They lived with their father, my Uncle, in the Philippines and Guam due to my Uncle's military service and work and that's where they spent their entire childhoods, while I was growing up in Texas.
We spent time together maybe twice during our childhoods due to geography. I remember spending time with them over a Christmas break when I was 7 or 8 and I adored one cousin in particular, he was very sweet to me, like a big brother. Then I recall a visit when we were all teens and had nothing in common at all, because they were raised to be extremely religious and I was a bit wild. It was very uncomfortable.
We are all adults now with nothing at all in common and we don't even talk on Facebook or anything. It is sad.
Now, my own kids have no cousin relationships either. My ex husband's brother has two kids and my kids know their cousins, they see them probably twice a year when they visit their father but they can't stand their cousins. They are over-privileged brats, they say (and from what I have seen it is true). My own brother has two daughters and there is no relationship there either; the oldest grew up several states away and was the first grandchild anyway so she is much older, and the youngest one's mother kept her distance from us for various reasons.
It's all very sad to me but what can you do? So much of it has to do with adult relationships and how the adults do or do not encourage cousins to be close or around each other when they are small. So if it isn't a priority to the adults or there are estrangement issues or whatever, then the kids don't get the benefit of that relationship.
It's kind of like my half siblings situation. My father was married prior to marrying my mom and he had four children with his first wife. One of them passed away young (in his 20's) but the other three, all much older than me, were just a few hours away from me growing up. In my early teens I moved and I was in the same town as they were for years and years but never knew them at all. Aside from one visit I recall from when I was 9 or 10 and I spent some time with my youngest older brother, just over a weekend and that was that. I didn't meet my older sister until our father's funeral in 2002! Talk about awkward. So I technically have five siblings even though I only grew up with one... but this was my father's choice primarily. He kept his "first" and "second" families separate, and I think that his children from the 1st marriage had some resentment about my mother, and therefore "her" children as well with her being the second wife/younger wife.
I now have very minimal and infrequent Facebook contact with my 2 half brothers and I am in touch with my nephew (son of my half sister) but not my half sister at all, she seems to want no contact. I honestly think if the adults in this situation had encouraged relationships it would be very different for us now that we are all grown. The same applies to cousin relationships, depends so much on how the siblings' own relationships are.
I have loads and loads of cousins on my dad's side. And given the huge age difference between my father and his siblings (the oldest was 20 years old when he was born, sibling before Dad was 10 years older)... I have 1st cousins who are old enough to be Grandparents and great-grandparents whereas my kids are real young. Of course, they've also started having kids at a younger age as well. And live in one general area in Tennessee (where family links goes back 200+ years).
My dad got drafted and lived around the world, so my siblings and I never really got a chance to grow up with them. So we lack that familiarity with the cousins (the many generations of cousins)... They also look at us as "Big-City folks" and think we're funny as well (not comedic funny, just funny as in odd), so there's that. I do think it would've cool to grow up in that kind of environment, even with all the possible headaches.
I don't know if there is any such thing as "normal." I have 1 dozen cousins between both sides. I grew up in the same town with half, and an hour away from the other half. I'm not particularly close to any of them. My kids have 2 cousins on each side. They aren't the same age as any of them, but they all seem to get along. They all live in different states.
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