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If the pocket money is allowance as it used to be called, that money is given not based upon if they do their chores or not or if they behave or not. Allowance is designed to provide the child with a resource to manage on their own. Once you start giving not giving based on chores that is a job, not allowance.
When parents use allowance to punish (child misbehaved) they tie the link to good behavior to money which is not beneficial and creates confusion. Good behavior isn't something to be rewarded with using money. You set up the child to expect money for being good when they should be good because it is the right thing to do.
Providing an allowance even when the child misbehaves, doesn't mean you are giving them money to misbehave or tolerate the misbehavior, unless you give them the money for behaving.
Once you link behavior to money you've created a monster. The child can manipulate the circumstances to get what they want, not because it is right but because they get money. What a lesson.
Give the allowance on a schedule. If money is tight, make the allowance some amount that doesn't hurt. If you want to give extra for chores, no problem with that but make sure that is clearly explained. It is a bonus for doing the chores. You can even have chores that are to be performed as part of responsibilities to the family and then those chores that are beyond that for which money is given in return, according to the quality and/or quantity of the effort and result.
When the parent help the child learn resource management without putting restrictions on the gift of allowance, the results are often those desired.
Being part of a family is not a job. If you give allowance as you would for work performed (chores) then all you've done is made their contribution to the family a job. If you don't distinguish between the two, how will the child?
If the pocket money is allowance as it used to be called, that money is given not based upon if they do their chores or not or if they behave or not. Allowance is designed to provide the child with a resource to manage on their own. Once you start giving not giving based on chores that is a job, not allowance.
Whatever the maximum value of agreement that a poster can have for another post, then that is how much I agree with the above. Family members, all of us, must contribute to the well being of the household. Likewise, all of us must enjoy the benefits of the household, including pocket money.
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When parents use allowance to punish (child misbehaved) they tie the link to good behavior to money which is not beneficial and creates confusion. Good behavior isn't something to be rewarded with using money. You set up the child to expect money for being good when they should be good because it is the right thing to do.
Providing an allowance even when the child misbehaves, doesn't mean you are giving them money to misbehave or tolerate the misbehavior, unless you give them the money for behaving.
Once you link behavior to money you've created a monster. The child can manipulate the circumstances to get what they want, not because it is right but because they get money. What a lesson.
Give the allowance on a schedule. If money is tight, make the allowance some amount that doesn't hurt. If you want to give extra for chores, no problem with that but make sure that is clearly explained. It is a bonus for doing the chores. You can even have chores that are to be performed as part of responsibilities to the family and then those chores that are beyond that for which money is given in return, according to the quality and/or quantity of the effort and result.
We distinguish this as things that I would pay someone to do anyway.
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When the parent help the child learn resource management without putting restrictions on the gift of allowance, the results are often those desired.
I would not use the word gift. But that is a small difference.
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Being part of a family is not a job. If you give allowance as you would for work performed (chores) then all you've done is made their contribution to the family a job. If you don't distinguish between the two, how will the child?
Wow. When our son was 16 he was giving us $100 a month to cover his phone and car insurance.....
We don't want our son to give up his school activities to work. He works in the summer and we allow him to keep his money. $100 per month would not cover the car insurance.
Being part of a family is not a job. If you give allowance as you would for work performed (chores) then all you've done is made their contribution to the family a job. If you don't distinguish between the two, how will the child?
We don't tie chores to the kids allowance either. Everyone in the family has to participate in running the house. The two are not tied together.
I do not keep track because we do not give our children allowances. You live here, eat here, use the internet and electricity here, etc... I am NOT going to pay you to be part of the family and help keep the family home running smoothly.
We pay for phones and insurances until our children are out of school.
We do give money here and there for special events, sporting trips for school, sports gear, etc...
We do not pay for good grades. Get A's and B's or I will get a tutor for you and you can spend your spare time doing school work.
OP, if you are trying to remember how much you've given your children for allowance over time, I would get a notebook to keep track in. Similar to a checking account registry. If you give $5 a week for allowance, but Jr. wants to go see a movie and doesn't have enough allowance left...you can give him / her an extra bit with the understanding that it counts against next weeks allowance. Keeping track in writing will stop any arguments or complaints later.
If you are concerned that cash is being spend inappropriately, you can get a Paypal debit card. This allows the child to use the card wherever they want (that accepts Visa cards), and allows you to see exactly how much is being spent and where. You can link the card to your checking account so you can transfer money to the card.
Another household who do not believe in linking "allowance" to the common chores and responsibilities needed to keep a family running smoothly. We do give a small allowance to help our girls learn the value of money and how to manage it. but at 11 their needs are very simple. As a family we do very little if any recreational shopping which gets a family in debt pretty quickly. They squirrel away their money for a new Wii game or something like that but otherwise they don't need to buy anything.
What does an 11 year old buy with allowance in other families? Just curious.
What does an 11 year old buy with allowance in other families? Just curious.
That's a good question. I don't give my kids a regular allowance until they are driving. I don't like the idea of them driving around with no money. Since they are older when they start getting an allowance I don't really feel that I need to track what they spend.
Is the money you give them for emergencies, for gas or just to spend (on whatever they want) when they're out driving around?
It is for them to spend on what they want to do or buy. If they want to park at the beach, go to the movies, buy music, go to Chik Fil A after school, go to a water park, etc...We generally pay for gas but if the kids decide to take an unusually long trip we ask them to put some gas in the car.
Allowance was not tied to chores here either. And allowance was what we called pocket money. It was about $25 a week and had to include her lunch money if they wanted to buy (we always had lunch making on hand too). By the time my daughter was 12 or 13 she was also getting her clothing money on a refillable credit card and shopping for herself.
When she was 11 the kinds of things she spent her money on were ice cream, bowling, saving for a new surfboard, etc.
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