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My heart goes out to you and your husband and even more so to your stepson. My daughter in law has been addicted to crack for 12 years now. She has 4 children, 1 by a previous marriage. We were very fortunate in that we were able to get her to sign custody of my 3 grandchildren to our son and myself. She and my son have joint legal custody and my son and I have physical custody. According to our attorney, it pretty much means that my son and I have custody, but she can have contact with the children. Occasionally she tries to clean herself up and it usually lasts up to 4 months, but never longer than that. I have told her that she has shown that she does love the girls because she has done what is best for them. Telling her that really seems to make her stop and think about them. She understands that her lifestyle is not good for the girls. She and my son are seperated now and he lives here with us. It's not always easy, but it is what is best for the girls. All I can say is please don't give up, your stepson desperately needs you. Try to call around in the area where your stepson is and find the meanest attorney you can. I have found that sometimes clerks of court will be willing to give you the names of those attorneys.
My heart goes out to you and your husband and even more so to your stepson. My daughter in law has been addicted to crack for 12 years now. She has 4 children, 1 by a previous marriage. We were very fortunate in that we were able to get her to sign custody of my 3 grandchildren to our son and myself. She and my son have joint legal custody and my son and I have physical custody. According to our attorney, it pretty much means that my son and I have custody, but she can have contact with the children. Occasionally she tries to clean herself up and it usually lasts up to 4 months, but never longer than that. I have told her that she has shown that she does love the girls because she has done what is best for them. Telling her that really seems to make her stop and think about them. She understands that her lifestyle is not good for the girls. She and my son are seperated now and he lives here with us. It's not always easy, but it is what is best for the girls. All I can say is please don't give up, your stepson desperately needs you. Try to call around in the area where your stepson is and find the meanest attorney you can. I have found that sometimes clerks of court will be willing to give you the names of those attorneys.
Good luck!
i thank you for replying to my post. it seems that are situations are similar yet different. you are very lucky that your daughter in law has enough compassion and love to do what is best for her children. my husband and i wish that his x would do the same. she has told him many times that she doesnt want the kid she just wants to make my husbands life hell. and she wants the money. my husband pays quite a bit support to her for the care of his son. the money didnt really bother us until we found out she wasnt using it for the care of their son but to purchase drugs. her mother pays for everything for my step son. developmentally my step son is a little behind. he is 2 years old and can only say two words dope and the B word. he is extremely tiny for his age. things would be a little easier if we could at least get CPS to do a health and welfare on him, a least then we would sleep a little easier knowing that he isnt doing without. my husband doesnt get regular visitation with his son because the court wont order it because he lives so far away and she keeps telling the courts that his son doesnt know him. of course the courts job is to do what is in the best interest of the child and in this case i dont think they are doing their job.
I agree, get a lawyer that practices in that particular area of Ohio and has a specialty in domestic disputes. Can your husband rent a small apartment in a nearby zip code so he looks like a "resident"?
I agree, get a lawyer that practices in that particular area of Ohio and has a specialty in domestic disputes. Can your husband rent a small apartment in a nearby zip code so he looks like a "resident"?
the apartment thing is out of the question as far as money goes. we have two other kids and he pays a lot of support. we did however find a lawyer in cincinnati that specializes in casses like these and after talking to her we are feeling hopeful again.
Maybe your husband could do what my son ended up doing. He agreed to keep paying support to his ex in return for her turning the child over to him to raise. This is not an easy or cheap decision but he said he felt he was basically paying ransom to save his daughter from the life her mother was leading and bringing into her home. My son actually made a lot of sacrifices for his daughter (as did my wonderful second daughter in law to whom he has now been married for 25 years.) but his daughter is now grown up and a wife and mother herself and it has clearly been worth it all.
Maybe your husband could do what my son ended up doing. He agreed to keep paying support to his ex in return for her turning the child over to him to raise. This is not an easy or cheap decision but he said he felt he was basically paying ransom to save his daughter from the life her mother was leading and bringing into her home. My son actually made a lot of sacrifices for his daughter (as did my wonderful second daughter in law to whom he has now been married for 25 years.) but his daughter is now grown up and a wife and mother herself and it has clearly been worth it all.
That's what I was going to suggest.
I've heard of the opposite type of agreements... where a custodial parent has agreed to forgo child support completely or agree to a really tiny amount in order to have the non-custodial parent give up visitation and agree to sole custody for the other parent. In a case where the non-custodial parent was using the child as a pawn, and abusing/neglecting the child on visits.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,772,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo?
My heart goes out to you and your husband and even more so to your stepson. My daughter in law has been addicted to crack for 12 years now. She has 4 children, 1 by a previous marriage. We were very fortunate in that we were able to get her to sign custody of my 3 grandchildren to our son and myself. She and my son have joint legal custody and my son and I have physical custody. According to our attorney, it pretty much means that my son and I have custody, but she can have contact with the children. Occasionally she tries to clean herself up and it usually lasts up to 4 months, but never longer than that. I have told her that she has shown that she does love the girls because she has done what is best for them. Telling her that really seems to make her stop and think about them. She understands that her lifestyle is not good for the girls. She and my son are seperated now and he lives here with us. It's not always easy, but it is what is best for the girls. All I can say is please don't give up, your stepson desperately needs you. Try to call around in the area where your stepson is and find the meanest attorney you can. I have found that sometimes clerks of court will be willing to give you the names of those attorneys.
Good luck!
If it were me, it would not be allowed. If anybody put my kids in danger I would hire the best lawyer I could find and, if that failed, the best hit man I could find. One way or the other, it is going to stop.
just wanted to update... the welfare finally stepped in and took my step son from his mom. it is just too bad that it took so long for them to do so. when they took custody of him she was on a 3 day long drug binge in a hotel room with my step son and her 3 month old infant there. they gave the kids to her dad with whom she was living with when this whole thing went down. my husband goes to court next week to see if they will give him custody but we dont know for sure what will happen. the caseworker told my husband she can possibly get the kids back..
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