Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No, thanks for sharing, it's definitely a very useful perspective and insight!
I doubt he has ADD because if anything his attention span is TOO good for his age, and always has been - he can be very intense and focused for long periods of time and has an amazing memory, both of which don't help when we need to redirect him. He is definitely a perfectionist though and does seem to have OCD tendencies, though I know lots of kids that age have these to an extent. My husband's side of the family also suffers with chronic anxiety, sleep issues and tendency to get stressed over minor things, which may be related.
Sorry OP - didn't mean to hijack your thread! Just it really resonated with me.
No worries, I appreciate all the chatter and feedback. I also see him struggle at times with just being too wired. Its very hard for him to settle himself a lot of the time. Some part of his body is always moving, bopping, jumping around. Like I said, he is "ON" at the crack of dawn and would stay up til midnight if I let him.
I wish some doctors werent so anti meds when clearly (for my son anyway) there is something going on (ADHD I think)
Yes, he does have some sensory issues and he is SUPER impulsive. I have a suspicion he is ADHD like his dad's side of the family but of course the wont dare talk about that at the doctor but thankfully he is NOT on the autism spectrum. So for sensory seeking...what did you do for your child to satisfy this?
My son was in occupational therapy for about 9 months, and he will be going back soon. The therapy helped, and it also gave us ideas for how to help him at home. Sometimes we wrap him up in a blanket like a burrito. He has a weighted blanket and lap pad. I put some rice and small toys in a plastic bin for tactile input. If you haven't already, read The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. The OT was very helpful.
My son was in occupational therapy for about 9 months, and he will be going back soon. The therapy helped, and it also gave us ideas for how to help him at home. Sometimes we wrap him up in a blanket like a burrito. He has a weighted blanket and lap pad. I put some rice and small toys in a plastic bin for tactile input. If you haven't already, read The Out of Sync Child and The Out ofSync Child Has Fun. The OT was very helpful.
Excellent ideas.
Also, try having him sit in front of you while you push down hard on the top of his shoulders. That can be a very calming, deep pressure for some kids (sort of like a weighted vest or weighted shoulder/neck collar).
I had one 4 year old, with ADHD, who would run around the outside of his house, around and around and around, for 30 minutes, rain or shine every day to burn off enough energy before school (of course, supervised by his parent). On days that he didn't do that you could tell the second that he arrived at school & leaped off of the top step of the bus.
My son was in occupational therapy for about 9 months, and he will be going back soon. The therapy helped, and it also gave us ideas for how to help him at home. Sometimes we wrap him up in a blanket like a burrito. He has a weighted blanket and lap pad. I put some rice and small toys in a plastic bin for tactile input. If you haven't already, read The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. The OT was very helpful.
Thanks for the book recs. i have a little sensory tub whichis basically a large tupperware bin filled with rice beans and small plastic toys and cups/shovels for him to use. He likes it, but he gets bored. I also have some other sensory items for him to use when he feels "antsy" (a squeezey arm band, etc).
You have had some good comments about what to try. I will add a couple of things.
1. Don't tell him not to do things. Tell him what he can do instead. Rather than *don't take that toy from your brother,* say *why don't you play with this toy.* That gives him an acceptable option.
2. Since you mentioned the sensory seeking part of his personality, do read up on activities you can do with him to help him calm himself. Heavy work is often great for this, so have him help you with the laundry or with putting away the groceries. You might also want to get a small trampoline for him to jump on.
3. Teach him how to breathe out his anger or frustration. There are several good and fun exercises for this. Make them into games and play them with both kids. Here are two from Becky Bailey's website:
Quote:
Ballooning
When you balloon, you breathe in (deeply) and as you breath in you start with your arms at your sides and raise them up parallel to your shoulders and up over your head. Then you blow it all out, make it exaggerated like a balloon spewing out all the air. The kids really like it and it really lowers tension.
Draining
When you drain, you put both hands out in front of you, you twist (and twist, and twist and twist) your hands around like you were turning off water and you *********r face all up, then you blow the air out through your lips (I know... there will be a little spit!) but the kids really like that one and you can feel the stress and tension leaving your own body! (automatic stress relief!)
4. Use role playing when he is calm to problem solve how he should react to various situations. You can use puppets and have him tell them what they should do. He may love this if he is at all into creative play - a policeman puppet could work well.
5. Make sure he knows that big boys like him get to do some things that little brother cannot do.
He is a very active, ACTIVE, boy. He is up and 100 miles an hour at 6:30am. He bores easily which is the opposite of the two year old. So on weekends when there is no school we usually have to plan our days out. Goodbye leisurely weekends! Just kidding.
In all seriousness though, if we arent out doing something by around 8 he is climbing the walls. Today I took him on an hour run (he rode his bike). Its good because he HAS to get outside and burn off the energy. I definitely try to do things just with him and so does dad. Dad took him kayaking today and they bad a blast. Soon as we got back in the car - BAM! He was at it again which is why he ended back up in time out when we got home.
What is he eating? Is there too much sugar in his diet and it has him wired up?
Vegetables, chicken, milk, some fruit, turkey and cheese sandwiches, p-butter, crackers...etc. etc. i really try not to offer pre packaged (except for chx nuggets) food and sugary snacks/cereals/juice.
Take a look at the Positive Discipline series or How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Both of those were helpful to me when my daughter was a handful at that age.
And remember, your goal is to teach your children to grow up to be good people. Punishment is certainly not the only tool you have to use.
Take a look at the Positive Discipline series or How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Both of those were helpful to me when my daughter was a handful at that age.
And remember, your goal is to teach your children to grow up to be good people. Punishment is certainly not the only tool you have to use.
I second this recommendation. Also do a google of the crucial c's. My guess is that he needs help reidentifying who he is when connects (belongs in the family). When he asks himself, how do I belong in this family, the answer, for him, is I belong when I am asserting control. When you are breaking the link to the undesirable behavior, you want to be aware of how he develops his new feeling of belonging. Kids who are accustomed to being viewed as ill-behaved will also sometimes struggle with feeling capable since the adults in their life are frequently frustrated.
In addition to the books referenced above, another good source of information is this author/educator.
See, thats it! He doesnt fear the consequences anymore...maybe becuase in the past we always gave him a second chance and we also didnt want to punish ourselves based on his behavior by not going to do something we found fun as well, if that makes sense. But I still refuse to be confined to the house just because he is acting like a little jerk.
I would rather *not * spank...I grew up with spankings and am also not completely opposed to it but I also think that it sends a funny message when we tell him not to hit other kids, his brother, etc and then I spank him.
You'll have to find what he loves best and use that as reward/punishment. You also are getting to far ahead, at four it is hard to concieve of time.
Another suggestion. Do you have alone time, just you and him? Lots of kids regress when they are competing for attention w/ a younger sibling. Take him alone....Special days w/ you, and w/ Dad. Just for him. Could be just a walk around the block, or a trip to the park...Whatever. A couple hours a week for just him.
It is the tricky part, making your child know that you love him, but dislike the behaviors. A fine line. It sounds as though he has sort of given up when he says "Fine, I don't want to go anyway"
Short term consequences, when kids are small are more effective. IMO He does something, right then there are consequences, not the ellusive "later today"....
What I would do. Sit him up for success...because if he keeps getting the most attention for doing the bad things, he'll keep doing those....
For instance:
Start your weekend early. Get up before him. Have a small task for him, feed the dog....put the spoons on the table for cereal...whatever, something easy and attainable. Kudos when he does it. Now....We get to go swimming today.....If he messes up, then take away the outting....The idea being he has earned his reward....he may invest in keeping it.
Kids desperately need rountines. Saturday, Sunday....Do exactly the same things. Get up early, start a small chore list...make him successful....He'll take pride in that....NO treats, just words of praise. Wow, You are awesome, what a great big brother you are. I really like how you did that. Can you show Mom how you got those toys all picked up so fast. Whatever, praise him.
Remember, your two year old is watching everything, you are essentially teaching both of them how to behave at the same time.
Another thing that works great to redirect kids. Start your day w/ laughter. Call them into your bedroom bright and early and just do fun things like let them crawl all over you and your hubby, waking Daddy up, etc. a little play time, getting the laughter started.
My Mom used to do leg exercises, we kids would be laughing and trying to catch her foot while she did her leg lifts...whatever, just be sponteneous and silly. Kids get silly just playing w/ their parents, it will sit the tone for the day.....
Like the other poster said....I also popped my kids on the butt if they needed it. Different kids need different things. I raised 5, and had one that I could just say in a cross voice..Daniel...bla, bla....And that kid never repeated whatever had gotten him into trouble.
I had my two youngest, two years apart....one would lie the other would swear to it....It was very hard. It took lots of on task on my part...it can/did get exhausting.
I did the time outs, struggled w/ those w/ my ADHD child. I litterally had to physically had to hold him and force him into time-outs....this under a therapist directions. It worked....not suggesting your child has any isses like my sons, just to demonstrate sometimes depending on the child time-outs are not working. Gotta tweak any situation, you know your child.
He sounds very smart.....The trick is for you to channel this, the smartest kids are sometimes the hardest until you figure out what makes them tick. Once you figure out what makes this kid excited, what praise he seeks...you'll be on the way to total success with him.
Kids want to please, it is natural. Find something he does that please you....Be excited, laugh out loud.....He will want to do that again...His abilities to do the right things will grow as he ages. Give him success, give him lots of positive reinforcement, don't just say the words...Grab him and say how proud of his behavior you are, big smiles....
Aside...You mentioned not wanting to punish yourself. Thems the breaks....As a parent it can suck that when we put them on timeouts we ourselves are on timeouts. Inconsistent punishment is the worst reinforcement for bad behaviors.
RE: hitting the younger brother. You have got to reinforce some empathy from him towards his little brother. Does he help teach the little guy things. Does he protect his little brother from others, say at daycare etc.
Get some books, or some good movies that have a story line about brothers. Teach him what brothers mean...this is a perfect time for him to start figuring things out.
You sound like a good, caring Mom/Parent. I applaud you for reaching out. Sure wish we had had this type thing in the 80's...My life as a parent might have been easier lol
Last edited by JanND; 07-22-2013 at 09:36 AM..
Reason: edit text
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
