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I grew up being comfortable among older people, and the truth of the matter is that there is no reason to defer to them more than I would someone younger just because they're older. Why would I? Because of their experience? Half the time, the newer knowledge of the younger generation renders the older generation's experience irrelevant.
Get back to us when you are in your 60's and let us know if you think your life experience is now irrelevant. There's a big difference between knowledge, especially technical knowledge, and experience.
My kids were not raised to use "sir" or ma'am" by us. However, once we moved to the south, when they were reaching the middle school years, they quickly picked up the terms. Teachers and coaches (especially coaches) seem to expect it. When in Rome...
Even now, that they are in college, they still frequently revert to them. It doesn't sound unnatural or forced in this area. Nor is it a major big deal.
This. As a New Yorker, I wasn't raised to use sir or ma'am, but I did show deference to adults by calling them ms or mr. Here in Texas, it is very common to use sir and ma'am. I now use it too. And I use it equally, to everyone. Down here, from what I've observed, using such is just one of those niceties, politeness. That's all. Lots of things changed when I moved south..not like I mind.
I think there is some confusion about those of us who state we use Sir or Ma'am with our parents. Never in a million years would I have said "Sir, would you please pass the ketchup" or "Thank you Sir for helping me with that". But if I didn't hear or understand I would have said "Sir?" and never "What?" If my mother ironed my favorite shirt I would have said "Why thank you ma'am for this favor" in a kind of happy, silly way.
If my mother tells me "Time to walk the dog" I would say "Yes ma'am, just after this show is over please" and not "No way in hell am I gonna walk that mangy dog you picked out at the pound. Walk it yourself." Which is how I perceive some kids talk to their parents.
If a waitress brings me extra condiments I would say "Thank you Ma'am" with a smile. This does not mean she is old, just that she has done something for me and I want to let her know I appreciate it. However I would not say "Please Ma'am may I have some more lemon" to either my mother or a waitress. It's hard to explain but it is how I was raised and I like it. My father used to say "Don't What me" whenever i messed up. You learn pretty fast.
I don't judge others who don't do or teach the same thing. Each family has their own personal history of teaching and implementing manners.
I agree. !
And as I stated up thread, I wasn't even raised to say these terms but you learn pretty quickly to adapt to how other's have been raised and what is customary to each person/family. Those whom I knew who were raised in this manner were 1) not all Southern, 2) mostly military, or 3) very formal in how they addressed others.
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Originally Posted by Kreutz
I'm not their military officer, I'm their father. "Dad" works fine for me. I will encourage them to address other adults as sir or ma'am though when they're older.
It's not that you're their officer, rather the culture of respect in the service. Many times that culture is carried over into military family life. Not always, but it's not uncommon. I believe that's what those of us citing the military as an example of how often these terms are used mean. That's all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
No, I get it as I have relatives who live in the South and where sir and ma'am are part of normal conversation. People in other parts of the country simply do not include the "ma'am" or "sir" in normal conversation. The reply to being asked to walk the dog is "ok" or "all right". Not "yes ma'am" and not "walk the mangy dog yourself" (really? that is the alternative to "yes ma'am"?). If you didn't hear someone, you might say "what?" or "excuse me?" or "I'm sorry, could you please repeat that, I missed it." I couldn't tell you the last time I heard "ma'am" or "sir" in normal everyday conversation. Not because people are rude or poorly raised, but because it just isn't done.
It's done more than you realize though. Truly it is, otherwise this thread would have died by now.
I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer and I honestly feel there is no need to get offended by the use of the terms. When I'm out shopping (in California) I hear Ms. (last name), Miss, Ma'am, all the time. Especially when I'm spending a lot of $$ - LOL! . Most of my friend's children address me with "miss" first then follow with my first name. Few do not. I don't mind either way. I leave it up to the parents. Occasionally I'll be addressed as "auntie" and we're not even related! BTW, none of these friends are from the South. In my experience I've chalked such preferences and mannerisms up to upbringing and culture...nothing else.
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Originally Posted by Natsku
I actually got called ma'am today, was very surprised by that
Oh the horror! Just when you thought you had escaped it! . Welcome to "ma'amhood."
True I live in Phoenix but my parents (and everyone else in Phoenix for that matter) are from the Midwest and South. I don't think it's so much a geographic thing as it is generational because most adults 40+ 50+ for the most part were raised to address adults in that matter...correct? If I'm wrong let me know....
I know lots of people that are from California that live in the Valley of the Sun. Not sure that would add up to everyone in the Phoenix as being from the Midwest and the South.
I don't know anyone who would have their kids do that. I am 48 and we were never required to do that with our parents. Maybe if you were in trouble that would happen. Other than that, never heard that happen.
I say if that is the way you want to raise your children, good for you! Too many parents now treat the kids as if the kids ruled the house and not the parents. Good for you (and for your parents) for not giving in to that trend.
I say if that is the way you want to raise your children, good for you! Too many parents now treat the kids as if the kids ruled the house and not the parents. Good for you (and for your parents) for not giving in to that trend.
I couldn't agree with you more. I'm wondering if there is a correlation between folks who train their children to use sir and ma'am and folks who make sure the kids know who is the boss and who is in charge? I imagine there is. I'm not talking about being extremely authoritarian, simply not letting the kids think they are in charge.
I couldn't agree with you more. I'm wondering if there is a correlation between folks who train their children to use sir and ma'am and folks who make sure the kids know who is the boss and who is in charge? I imagine there is. I'm not talking about being extremely authoritarian, simply not letting the kids think they are in charge.
Actually it's comments like this that keep the thread going.
To imply that those not "trained" to use the terms don't know who is the boss is ridiculous. I'll assume those of you that take that stance have not raised kids in areas where it is not common. And if you don't like being painted with that broad brush, then don't paint those who did not raise their kids to use those terms as not knowing how to be respectful.
And no. We did not raise our son to use them as it is not common here. My husband was raised in south Texas. It is not part of his lingo either.
Actually it's comments like this that keep the thread going.
To imply that those not "trained" to use the terms don't know who is the boss is ridiculous. I'll assume those of you that take that stance have not raised kids in areas where it is not common. And if you don't like being painted with that broad brush, then don't paint those who did not raise their kids to use those terms as not knowing how to be respectful.
And no. We did not raise our son to use them as it is not common here. My husband was raised in south Texas. It is not part of his lingo either.
Exactly.
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Originally Posted by no kudzu
And why is that? Because they have been trained to show respect and to be polite. You have made my point. Thank you very much.
If "ma'am" and "sir" usage were truly indicative of better upbringing and more real respect, one would expect to see a significantly lower crime rate (after all crime is ultimately disrespect) and fewer social issues in those parts of the country where a significantly higher portion of people use those terms. I haven't seen that but please feel free to share.
Ultimately, there are many ways to convey respect (and disrespect). Words and phrases mean different things in different parts of the country. Getting offended and judgemental over colloquialisms is a silly waste of time in my opinion. But if that's all people can find to get bent out of shape about....well .... bless their heart.
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I agree. 
!
BTW, none of these friends are from the South. In my experience I've chalked such preferences and mannerisms up to upbringing and culture...nothing else. 
Oh the horror! Just when you thought you had escaped it! 
