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I posted this thread (and have edited it a bit for this forum) on the moving forum yesterday and didn't get any responses. Maybe someone here can give me some advice:
Since my previous post re: moving, my husband has accepted a job. It's a great opportunity. Unfortunately, it came on the day that we moved to a new house. Relocation is expected, even though the commute time would be a little over an hour. This would be our fourth move in two years with children ages almost 7,5,3, and 1. I feel bad because I'm having trouble being excited over this opportunity to better our family's financial future--I'm sure I will get there.
I guess a few of my concerns are:
1. We just moved (um, last week) although it's easy to pick up when you're not unpacked.
2. School begins 2 weeks earlier there (approx. in two weeks). That's a very small window to find a place to live, move, unpack and prepare my children to leave their friends and school and begin anew.
*My husband doesn't see any issue with having our girls (K & 1) begin school two weeks late. Does anyone have any comments?? If it has to happen, it does but I'd just as soon they begin at the school with everyone else before friendships begin and they can get comfortable with the routine.
*Being that this our third move in two years--this would be our third new school, third time starting from scratch making friends, getting to know the area. I don't worry about my three youngest because they adjust easily. My oldest has a difficult time making friends and feeling a part of the group. She's a very smart little girl but a bit immature. She wants to have a "best friend" but hasn't been able to find one and has felt very isolated.
3. My daughter is a competitive gymnast. The closest gym is 1 hour from where we live (in some regards, it's easier to just commute to our old place). But that's two hours in the car plus three hours of practice three times a week. And dragging three small children to sit in the car or just hang out while she's practicing (not whining--that is just the reality).
It appears to me that there's a lot of juggling going on and I'm trying to get my head around it. My husband is totally against just staying in our current location which we love and commuting. He feels that it would take away any relationship with our children because he would rarely see them (leaving house at 6am returning at 7-8pm) however if I am constantly commuting for gymnastics, we'll never be home anyway!! I'm trying to convince myself that I will love the new location with time (you can get used to anything if you give it a chance, I've learned).
Any advice or comments (positive or helpful only) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Thank You.
So, let me get this straight...you just moved and he got a job offer an hour away? I say another move would be very stressful for the kiddos and for you and its time he made the drive. He will have weekend time with the kids...in my opinion, the move would be worse on them than his work hours.
''family financial future'' or childrens future? everything has a price, Is it worth it? how much more money?more family time? with kids 3,5.and 7 I think you should just make a move and stay put!Transient kids do not do well.They are still young enough to make the move, The last move! my 2 cents.
Well I'm torn. Life happens. Sometimes you just find career opportunities and if it betters your finacial standing you have to either run with it or leave it and just stick it out where you are. Sometimes having a family forces you to have to stick with what you have due to the inconveniences of moving. (ie changing schools and other stuff) But think about it....you've only been there a very short time. How attached to the place can you be?
OTOH....An hour drive wouldn't be too bad. Heck I live 10 mi away from my job and the drive is 30 minutes.
I think dad and kids having time together takes priority over competitive gymnastics. Make it work. How about practices only twice a week and the younger kids stay home with dad or you all go together sometimes? Can you find someone to car pool with for gymnastics? Three times a week at that age and for that amount of time is a lot anyway.
My question would have to be, would this be your final move for an extended period of time? How sure is your husband that this job opportunity is "the one"? If he is positive that this is the right thing for him then I'd have to suggest you do everything in your power to support him and make the transition to yet another home as smooth as possible. (with four kids, sounds impossible, I know)
Moving a family is always hard and your concerns seem to be valid but I have to agree with your husband that if he has a long commute then his time with your family will be cut far too much. In my way of thinking this could eventually hurt the bond your children have with their father, not to mention the drain it would have on you.
Kids are resilient and will rebound from change faster than I think a lot of us are willing to give them credit for. If you take on this move in a positive upbeat manner then your children will most likely follow your lead. Present it as an adventure and a chance to meet more new friends.
In regards to the gymnastics; have you checked out gyms in the new area? Might I suggest that while you're searching for the new gym you could seek out some private instruction for her once a week or so, forgoing the competitive team for now? This would also be a good way of introducing her to a new gym if you decide to move and cutting down on your commute time as well. Good luck to you.
When our daughter played soccer a few years ago when she was 6-7yrs old we had practice once a week for a maximum of 1 hr which less than a mile from my house and played a game (sometimes 2 but veryseldom) Saturday also less than 1 mile away...and that was plenty. I was also the coach so I had my hands full with that. We only had one other kid at the time and she was 1-2yrs old during those 3 seasons which only lasted a couple of months.
OK back to you.
That is a lot of time to blow on a hobby for a 7 yr old. (we are talking about the oldest right?) Spending 3 days a week in the gym at 3 hrs a shot (plus the long commute both ways) plus the competitions and trying to work around school and homework.....jeez. Is she going to the olympics in 2012?
I'm no stranger to sports. I started playing baseball at 6 and played for 4 years and also started playing basketball in the 4th grade and continued that sport through my senior year in HS. At the high school level we practiced about 3 hrs a day after school. And one year we were ranked #1 in the state with a final record of 29W-1L. But we're talking about when I was twice your daughter's age that I devoted that kind of time to the sport. And she's not devoting a whole lot less time to it.
Honestly, I don't know if this will be our last move. After working somewhere for 13 years, my husband decided he wanted to venture from that position. That's led to our three moves (first we moved four hours away from family, then cross-country, now 2 miles and now another 60 miles). Does anyone know if a new job will work out? The other two jobs sounded great but he hated them. Originally, I wanted to wait until Christmas break and then move the kids. I thought my husband would go for it but he made the analogy of pulling off a band aid. It hurts less if it's done quickly.
1. Husband's new job is exactly 59.6 miles from our house. He would have to drive on the 5 Freeway (South Orange County to San Diego) which isn't too much fun. He could possibly take the train but he wasn't too excited about that. On a good day, it would take an hour. On a bad day, we're talking anywhere from 2-3 hours.
2. We're talking a lot of money in the long run. An equity stake in the company and a $20K raise, plus bonus plus a deal bonus. If this company sells in a few years, he could walk away with a lot of $$$$ (enough to have education set for our kids and a nice nest egg for the future).
3. I should have been more specific about our move (I was being self-centered). We moved here 1 year ago and leased a house. Our lease was up and we moved to a home 2 miles from our previous location. The only thing my kids are getting used to with this move is a new house. Location and friends and activities are staying the same.
4. We're in a groove. After a rocky year, we've begun to make friends, I was supposed to be a girl scout troop leader this coming year, my girls love their school, love activities such as art, horse back riding, My Gym, and gymnastics.
My biggest worry is the possibility that the girls will have to start the school year two weeks late. Is this going to harm them in the long run?? Would it be better to wait longer and start school here? Is it going to be difficult for all of us to miss the beginning of school and Back To School night? I truly believe the girls will be fine. Their mother and her sanity is another story.
I'm not going to respond to the gymnastics comments besides this: Everyone has their own opinions and they're welcome to them. This is a decision my family has made as well as other families involved in this sport. Yes, my daughter is talented (doesn't everyone think their kids are?) and her coaches feel she is too. Is she going to the Olympics? Doubt it but who knows? There are a few gyms within 30-45 minutes of the new place but if we're going to be commuting to a mediocre gym for that distance, I'd rather go to the top gym in the state and travel a bit longer. It is a long time for a child that age to practice but she loves it. And when she doesn't love it any longer, we'll be done. It works for us right now because we do a lot of car pooling and the gym is only 15 minutes away. We're going to the new place today for a tryout and then they'll talk to us about possible carpools if available. We'll see.
IMO since you don't have a house to sell, is to see if you can get out of your lease. And by all means move closer to hubby's job. The less time traveling the more time he can be at home with you and your sweet girls. (I sampled that San Diego traffic once...shudder!)
I think they will be okay with another move....it will be hectic again But at least you won't be dealing with hormonal teenagers!
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). We moved here 1 year ago and leased a house. Our lease was up and we moved to a home 2 miles from our previous location. The only thing my kids are getting used to with this move is a new house. Location and friends and activities are staying the same.
