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My son is 3 1/2 yrs old. He enjoys both boys and girls toys equally. His favorite color as of now is pink. He has a brood of dolls he calls his friends. The dolls are equal in number as far as gender goes. His Father and I are not together. However we have what i think is a healthy co-parenting relationship. But we cannot get on the same page on this. I think it's harmless. His Father thinks it is unhealthy for him and that we are only setting him up to be bullied when he goes to school. My son is beginning to feel resentful towards his Father. On the days he is at his Father's house he gets his 'friends' taken away on a regular basis as a form of punishment and also his Father does not allow the dolls to sleep in bed with him at night. My son has said things to me like," My Daddy doesn't love me because i like girl stuff" & " I wish daddy would go away so i wouldn't have to go over there any more". I can't describe how hearing those words out of my son's little 3yr old mouth made me feel. I do my best to explain that his Father does love him very much and only wants the best the for him. I have spoken about this with his Father many times. It never really goes anywhere. No matter what i try to tell him, his stock answers are usually ' we wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't allowed in the first place' & ' He knows i love him'. Is there anything i could say or do different to try to get through to him? Is there anything i can do help my son with all this? Please ANY advise would be greatly needed and appreciated.
It sounds like you are very open-minded and your son's father is not. Maybe you could suggest to him that by making a big deal over your son liking pink and having some dolls, he's making an issue where there doesn't have to be one. This could be a phase your son is going through which will pass when he gets to kindergarten and sees all the boys playing with boy stuff. If he gets attention (even negative attention) for it, then the phase may continue long past the point when he would normally get interested in something else.
You probably won't be able to change your ex's mind about what boys "should" play with. I had a little boy who was as happy playing with little girls and their dolls as he was playing trucks with his little boy friends. I bought him a doll when he was 16 months old, because I was due to give birth to his sibling, and my doctor recommended it. I also bought a kitchen set, which got a lot of use. That same boy played varsity football, and is now planning his engagement to his long-term girlfriend.
I would focus on the age of your son, and press the issue with your ex that what little boys are drawn to as pre-schoolers, is not an indication of their sexual preference at all.
Of course, if my son was gay, it would have been fine by me, but I get the impression your ex would not agree.
Beat him over the head with a giant PINK baseball bat. Just kidding. But that kind of nonsense just ticks me off. And there is likely nothing you can do to change Dad. You probably need to work with your son to have self esteem that is proof to Dad's insensitive awfulness.
Um, no offense and just playing devils advocate here but a 3 year old is probably hearing stuff you or perhaps someone in your family circle say about his dad and repeating it. Although the dad should be more open minded he is still the father and it would be a shame to have other influences sever that relationship and bond.
Um, no offense and just playing devils advocate here but a 3 year old is probably hearing stuff you or perhaps someone in your family circle say about his dad and repeating it. Although the dad should be more open minded he is still the father and it would be a shame to have other influences sever that relationship and bond.
Possibly, but he could be saying it on his own. I have a 3 year old and at that age they do worry about things like this. If we get angry with my son he gets very upset and needs to be assured that we love him always. If we angrily told him he couldn't play with 'girl toys' and tried to toughen him up he could get the idea that we didn't love him because of it.
I heard a great suggestion for a situation like this - when a parent (usually the Father) is unhappy about their son playing with dolls it can be helpful to point out that it is a reflection of their parenting. That feeling loved and cared for makes them want to act that out with the doll and it's a good thing.
At this age they want friends and the dolls or stuffed toys are substitutes for that. What does his Dad say when you mention this kind of thing?
This is a difficult situation. I am sure that your child's father thinks that toys are capable of influencing a child's sexuality. I don't think that a toy has that much power over a child. Maybe you could get your pediatrician to talk to your child's father and tell him that toys are just toys. Young children often emulate the things that the adults in their life do. That includes housework and caring for children.
All three of my sons are straight. All three of my sons are varsity athletes. All three of my sons loved playing with the Little Tykes kitchen when they were little. My youngest also had a doll when he was around 2.
You cannot control how your child's father feels but perhaps you could enlist some help from someone he respects like a doctor or family member.
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