Telling kids to say hi to strangers? (friend, teach)

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by wino8660

You won't encounter that much. We avoided guys walking down the road with wild hair and an axe or strange looking men with trench coats. I told my kids don't go anywhere with strangers and if they were walking along side the road and someone stopped to haul arse.

Always good to avoid the guy with the axe. LOL.

[susie creamcheese]

It angers and saddens me when I smile at a child and the parent is unsmiling at me. I am a middle-aged woman. I think a lot of parents instill negative vibrations and a fear-based reality in their children. How unfortunate.

[Jaded]

Originally Posted by LovelySummer

For people who taught your kids not to talk to strangers as toddlers, how did it work out? And for people who taught their kids to say hi and then later to not talk to strangers, was it confusing?

I honestly don't think this is even taught anymore. "Stranger Danger" is a joke nowadays and its intentions, although well-meaning, proved to be very dangerous indeed, as many have pointed out. There is no "switch" in lessons so to speak.

In teaching manners a child will learn to use his/her own instinct beyond the friendly "hello." But no one can truly teach instincts. They differ for each of us. One person's level of comfort is another's paranoia. Children are no different in this regard. Some are outgoing...some shy. Regardless, predators know this and will craft their "conversation" to that particular child. I highly doubt that every child who is preyed upon or made a victim was taught to "talk to strangers" or to "not talk to strangers." There is no fail proof safeguard in teaching either because most victims know their perpetrator and vice versa.

Originally Posted by nana053

You need to teach your child to be smart about strangers and you need to teach them that a person who looks scary is not the only threat.

Kids should know it is ok to say *hi* to people as long as they are with their parents as well. And, they should know that if they are lost, they may speak to strangers, but to look for people in uniform (policemen, firemen, etc.) or to look for the store manager or the salesperson at the cash register. They should know not to go off to any unpopulated space with anyone even a friend's mom.

Originally Posted by hml1976

Why would you teach your child not to say hello to strangers? There's a big difference between teaching your child not to go somewhere with someone they don't know and teaching them that rudeness is acceptable behavior. Besides if they ever have a problem and you're not around you're going to be depending that a "stranger" will help them out. The whole stranger danger thing is so outdated now even John Walsh has said he regrets teaching it.

Agree. Teaching appropriate behaviors for different situations is much more productive. Even when I was an older teen, my parents talked about safety...don't leave a party without the friends you came with; don't leave your drink unattended, and if you do, don't drink it upon your return (date rape drugs, etc.); and don't assume you know someone simply because they are nice to you! Good tips that promote safety rather than absolute fear.

[longnecker]

Originally Posted by kygman

Here where I live, I say hello to most people and, when driving, will give a little wave to drivers going the opposite direction, whether I know them or not. Just the way I learned. It's one thing to say hello and wave, but for the youngsters, unless you're with them, they shouldn't start talking to someone they don't know, unless they can tell you know them.
I kind of agree with stan4.

I had to look to see where you are from. Sounds like my home in lower Delaware!! Nothing wrong with saying hello IF the kid is with a parent. If the child is not with parents let them alone.

[Rggr]

It's actually a very complex topic with a lot of specifics required so that most kids will be old enough to take care of themselves by the time they understand it all. Don't talk to strangers unless parents are around, you're lost etc.; but it's polite to talk to people and greet them; however that is the method many "bad people" use to gain trust; you can't assume everyone is a "bad person," but "bad people" don't necessarily look like "bad people;" look at people when you talk to them, but don't get too close etc.

[longnecker]

Originally Posted by Rggr

It's actually a very complex topic with a lot of specifics required so that most kids will be old enough to take care of themselves by the time they understand it all. Don't talk to strangers unless parents are around, you're lost etc.; but it's polite to talk to people and greet them; however that is the method many "bad people" use to gain trust; you can't assume everyone is a "bad person," but "bad people" don't necessarily look like "bad people;" look at people when you talk to them, but don't get too close etc.

A little self defense training doesn't hurt either.

[Stijl Council]

I followed the Penelope Leach guidelines on this topic:

The conventional teaching is "never talk to strangers," but when you think about that message from a child's point of view you'll see that it is neither easy to apply nor likely to contribute to her safety...A more useful kind of teaching avoids the whole concept of "strangers" and who they are, avoids the idea that talking is risky and makes it unnecessary to induce fear and suspicion in a trusting and sociable small mind. All you have to teach your three- or four-year-old is that she must never go anywhere with anybody (even somebody she knows well, even a relation) without first coming to tell the adult who is looking after her.

There's more nuance to it than that, but I don't want to run afoul of the TOS. Basically she points out:

• As your child gets older, you want them to be able to talk to strangers in situations where it's appropriate (to an unfamiliar doctor or nurse if they have to go to the hospital; to a cashier or shopkeeper; to your coworkers they haven't met, etc.). It can actually be counterproductive to ensuring their safety if they automatically assume that all people they haven't met are de facto risky.
• Talking to someone is never dangerous, but the things that might follow talking could be. This goes whether it's a stranger, an acquaintance, or a family friend.
• Older children can handle nuances here and will need instruction on keeping themselves safe in situations where they may not be as supervised as little kids will be, but for preschoolers what's most important is that they'll never, ever go with someone without the knowledge and consent of their caregiver.

So I never taught "stranger danger" but I did talk about my need to know exactly where she was at all times, inappropriate behaviors, the fact that safe adults don't ask for favors/help from kids, and much more.

[possibleyou]

It is wonderful for a child to develop great verbal and social skills at a young age. At the same time their safety is the highest concern. Children should learn how to be nice and respectful to all teachers or elders since they are older and have lots more experience. Children should be well behaved in school. When it comes to our children they should never be left out of sight. Children should remain close in public and watched at all times. They should learn never to walk or run in the street/ crossing street only with supervision.

As a child I always learned never to get near a car or van of a stranger that I do not know. I was also aware of what kidnapping was and that there were bad people in this world, and good people. A relative of mine was told by a stranger that she had coloring books in her car. The stranger told my relative to come follow to her car because she had nice coloring books for her. The stranger also told my relative that she knew her grandparents. My relative very young at the time quickly screamed and ran to her mother who was just inside the house.

Another story: There was a guy who went to a school and tried signing out the son of a mother after school ended. He correctly told the first and last name of both the mother and son. The son told the teacher he has no idea who he was. The man then told the school he knew the mother from facebook and that he was doing a favor for her. Turns out the mother never knew him and he stalked her on facebook and found out all her information about her son, from her facebook page. By the time the school called the mother, the man quickly left the building and was never seen again. If it wasn't for her son to say he didn't know the man who knows how that would of ended. The child knew not to trust strangers when told they knew a parent. The mother did have too much information on her facebook. The son was safe but the strange man escaped. The man also told the child he knew his mother and was good friends with her. Children should also learn that strangers lie and don't tell the truth and not to listen. Explain when a stranger says they know you make sure your child understands that we do not know strangers and who they are. Most strangers lie to children only to kidnap them. Your child should know this.

Another time was in the newspaper. The mayor"s daughter was on the public playground when two old ladies kept standing near her. The child knew something didn't seem normal. They followed her all around. All of a sudden the old ladies grab bother her wrist and tried dragging her across the playground to their black car. The mayor"s daughter yelled and kicked. She escaped over the fence and ran home. My grandmother showed me what to do if someone grabs your wrist...You move your entire arm forward up/hand and bring it all around back. (Like a circle on side) This releases the hand on wrist to make it slide off. Fast movement and several until hand is off, usuall takes on fast rotation on arm for hard grib to release. Children should learn this. My grandmother then told me to run and never stop. She told me to scream and yell as loud as you can for help. I heard some say loudly "Your not my dad!"

Children should never receive anything from strangers. Gifts are never good from strangers I always learned posioned will get you sick and its a trap or trick from ice cream, candy, or if asked by a stranger to help move bags in car. Never go or follow a stranger/ someone you do not know or never saw before. Teach your child if strangers say to follow to car or any place else, make sure your child knows never to go with them and to go right to parents. Your child should feel safe when they are with you so a friendly hi is fine. Tell your child that bad strangers want to take you far away from your parents so you will never see them again. With children it is all about reverse psychology.

If you continue to have issues teaching your child just let them watch few of the many videos of, teaching children about strangers and how to act. It will only help them the more they learn.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by twoincomes

The Bernstein Bears book "Don't talk to strangers" explains it well, in my opinion. If you're toddler likes books, I'd suggest getting this one (or checking out from library) and reading it to him/her.

Essentially, as an adult we pick and choose which strangers we talk to. Strangers that we are acquainted with in some fashion (co-workers that we haven't met for example) we gladly talk to, while others (panhandlers) we avoid speaking with.

This book recommendation is very good.

[glass_of_merlot]

When I was a young child I was told not to talk to dirty old men...lol


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