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I thought of this thread after reading the thread about fathers being protective of their daughters when they begin to date. Several people mentioned that the best defense is to raise strong, confident daughters, and I agree.
I thought it would be interesting to see some of the little things people do to instill confidence in their children. By that, I'm talking about beyond the obvious points of loving them, kindness, affection, teaching them to interact with people etc. What are some of the little extras that you do?
I use one strategy that I got from the the movie The Help. When she walks the little girl to school, she stops to tell the girl that she is kind, smart, important etc. I have incorporated that into the bedtime routine for each of my kids. I tell them that they have a series of qualities and that they are my child and I love them. Share any little routines you may have or things that you really try to do for your kids to let them know they're special.
In order to raise confident children you have to let them do things for themselves even though it would be easier to do those things yourself. Knowing how to do things on their own gives children the confidence to maneuver in the adult world.
Teach them to cook. Allow them to make choices. Send them into the store to buy an item. Teach them to change a tire, or jump start a car. All those little life skills make a child confident that they are learning to make their own way in the world.
In order to raise confident children you have to let them do things for themselves even though it would be easier to do those things yourself. Knowing how to do things on their own gives children the confidence to maneuver in the adult world.
Teach them to cook. Allow them to make choices. Send them into the store to buy an item. Teach them to change a tire, or jump start a car. All those little life skills make a child confident that they are learning to make their own way in the world.
That's a good point. It makes them able to function in the world and also gives opportunities for time together.
I also like taking an interest in or trying an activity they like that I wouldn't necessariy do. I think it shows that their interests are important and that you care enough to join in things that are not from your agenda.
I've raised two daughters and have a 15 yr old still at home. (plus a 10 yr old son) All of my children are very confident and stand up for themselves without issue.
One tiny little thing that I think holds significance for my children that most people brush off, is a tiny focus on their names. I buy various things from early on that have their names on them. It can be things like a bicycle license plate, key chain, note pad, stickers, cup, or a stamp. Sometimes I just point them out while out and about.
While it really is a small thing, seeing their name on these things gives them a tiny boost of confidence/importance/recognition. They see their name and think...hey that's ME! It makes them feel good about themselves and gives them some small layer of confidence that they know exactly who they are.
Ironically, I just brought home a packet of stickers yesterday for my 15 yr old that has her name on them and my son was slightly disappointed he didn't get any (they didn't have any with boys names on them). They cost me all of 69 cents. lol
I'll second the having kids do things for themselves as early as possible, and that is quite significant in helping build their self confidence. The more you do for your children instead of letting them do for themselves, the longer you delay the natural occurrence of independence, which goes hand in hand with self confidence.
I say let the babies/toddlers feed themselves from the day they begin table food. Let the toddlers/preschoolers be first and open the doors. Relax and let go of some of the things you normally take control of and you will soon find life just a little easier and see that your kiddo really can do these things.
Let the 5 yr old go to the bathroom without you....as long as you can still be nearby of course. Let them place their own order at dinner out, and if it's fast food let them pay as well. Homework should become totally their responsibility as soon as possible. (for my kids that was by 3rd grade)
Planning meals, cooking, cleaning, laundry and so on are all things that give them confidence they can be in charge of themselves. They can start all of that when they are toddlers with the right guidance and support.
From an early age, ask their opinion on various things, and LISTEN. Let them express it, and resist the urge to correct small inaccuracies in what they may say.
When they ask YOU questions about issues, problems or events, use leading questions to help them understand processes and to help them figure out what may be "wrong" about something they say also. Don't just immediately negate their ideas, as in, "Oh, that would never work."
This helps them trust their own judgement, which is a cornerstone of self-confidence.
Let them place their own order at dinner out, and if it's fast food let them pay as well.
This is a pet peeve of mine. Last summer we were traveling with my son's lacrosse team and there was a kid going into 8th grade and his mother ordered every single meal for him.
I agree with what people have said here and will add another. Leave notes for them expressing your love. Hide them in their book bag and let them find them.
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