faulsy accused of sexual harrassment and bully (party, support, parents)

[delohs]

all the kids here are 4th graders. my 9 year old son was accused of sexual harrassment and bully, when
this other kid A first pat on my son's butt first in the lunch room where there were lots of kids.
before the principle even investigated the situation after kid A reported to the teacher,
the principle already called A's parents and only told them that my son touched their son's private part.
my son was just going to fight back and pat on kid A's butt, but missed the target and
pat on kid A's front private part, kid A immediate said he was going to tell on my son.
The principle then went to interview kid A and a few other kids who were at lunch room
to see if anyone could support my son's statement, but all kids denied seeing anything
and kid A denied ever touching my son first. the priciple
jumped into the conclusion that my son was lying and said if this happened next time,
she is sending my 9 year old son to the police station and get expelled.
there's a kid B who sat next to my son at the lunch room, kid B was the one who pursuaded my
son to fight back and touch kid A back. and then my son went ahead and tried to touch kid A back.
But as of now Kid B also does not admit ever asking ny son to fight back.

The whole thing about my son's (kevin) mistake was to listen to friends and not being able
to make his own correct choice. kevin should've went to the lunch room teacher instead of
fighting back right away. per the past records, I also know kid A got into a lot of trouble in school,
now, this again sounds like I'm trying to cover up kevin's mistake and I think
this is the reason why the principle only thought it was just kevin's fault the whole time
I was speaking to her. the principle's eyes were emotionless and kept on saying
if there are more kids against one, her determination is Kevin is lying.
She went on using these terms to put a crime names(sexual harrassment and bully) on Kevin which Kevin.
the principle is new this year, what disappoints me is the way the "new" principle how they handled it and ONLY
was crying non stop from the principle's office till home
kevin was called into the principle office and when kevin went back to the classroom,
all the kids were staring at kevin as he was crying, yet could not share the pain
to any friends because the principle said not to, this put
in a very difficult situation,
and it was very embarrassing for me standing in the classroom with a parent helper and the whole class staring
at me too.

I believe the principle was going by the policy book with the state, first step
was to interview the witnesses which in this case, they are all young 9 year olds
who could've been scared to say what they saw or heard, with ONLY 5 min. while
was in the hallway seeing the principle interviewing the kids, she concluded
and just brushed this whole thing under the table and said her determination
was kevin was lying and if it ever happens again, kevin will be expelled

kevin was not able to explain things all that well to the principle, he was busying crying,
and when we got home, kevin told me that kevin was just going to pat on kid A;s behind
like how what kid A did to kevin, but since kid A's behind was not facing Kevin's back
while Kevin was eating, Kevin just decided to get it over with by just patting the front.
Kevin there is a friend B who sat next to Kevn and came from a stand point to protect
, hence the suggestion of fighting back.
But because no one could support Kevin's statement, all the blame falls soley on Kevin's shoulders
which again Kevin was very honest that he did pat kid A back.
as of now, the principle is just giving a warning, however, I can not find closure without knowing
that the kids who were involved with this did not speak the truth, I also can not
find closeusre that my son was seriously labled with the wrong crime names such as
sexual harrassment. here's my questions:

1. can i sue the principle for mishandling this situation?

2. the way the principle called kid A's parents with only one statement, " a kid had touched
your son's private part", she also told kid A's parent that the school will conduct
the necessary punishment. now can kid A sue us for sexsual harrassment?

[Mattie]

Kevin must keep his hands to himself. A warning has been given so at this point the issue is closed unless there is another occurrence. I wouldn't lose any sleep over the labeling. It's a he said/he said situation that would be difficult to prove in court, especially given the ages of the boys.

As unfair as it seems to you, the smartest thing to do at this point it to put it behind you, and stress to Kevin that if it happens again, he needs to involve a teacher.

[Billy_J]

I would just teach him that things like this can be quite serious these days and blown up way out of proportion. That he is best to not touch anyone unless they are good friends he can trust - then it is ok to horseplay.

As for this incident, I would drop it.

[willow wind]

Yes, things were very different years ago. Then such a thing would have been settled in the principal's office, with a stern talking to .

How, today there are piles of rules, regulations to follow and many more mountains made out of mole hills. However, that is the reality of today. Your son will have to learn to live with that reality.

That means he is not to touch anyone. He'll need to learn, as you have already pointed out to him, that one touch does not permit a touch back. That means if someone touches him, he says in a loud voice, so all can hear " stop that- get your hands off me" . Then he walks away. If it continues, he tells a teacher.

No, you can't sue the school. The school did what they thought best under the " he said, she said" circumstance.

[Hopes]

Forget suing. Get Kevin into therapy. I'm serious. Being treated unfairly can really mess up young kids. Your focus should be on what's best for Kevin, not getting even with the principal. The more drama you cause at the school, the more embarrassed Kevin will be. Just get him professional help to sort through this so he comes out of it with his confidence intact.

[delohs]

thanks for all your neutral answers, especially the greatest suggestion of all, speak up if it happens again in the lunch room and say, "please do not touch me, or stop touching me".

[kitkatbar]

The problem is (and I'm a teacher who has seen things like this play out countless times) you have a situation where someone is lying for sure. Your son says it's the other kids. The other kids say it's your son. No one knows who is lying except the people who were there. You do not know because your son could be lying to you too. The other kids could be lying and ganging up on your son because they are friends with the other boy. The principal has no way to know who the liar is. So I can see why it makes sense that if a large group all agrees on the same story, and one child has a different story that would provide an "excuse" for their bad behavior, the conclusion you saw is reached. The school did nothing wrong. The guilty party (which could be either your son or the other kid) never told the truth and put them in a place where a clean case could be solved. They did the best they could with incomplete information. Plus, the school is not lying about what Kevin did. He DID touch another boy's private part.

Is this fair if another boy got away with it and Kevin didn't? No. I think every adult can probably recall a time when they were telling the truth and not believed. It stinks. But I'm not sure what you can do here, and it's really beside the point.

The thing you need to focus on is keeping this situation from happening again. Kevin DID touch another boy's private place. He did not mean to (according to him.) He was horsing around. Little boys do this and it doesn't mean he's a future sex offender. However, sometimes horsing around has unintended consequences, which is why the lesson Kevin needs to learn is NEVER to put himself in this situation again. He must keep his hands to himself. If another child touches him or hits him, he needs to go to the teacher immediately and report what happened without doing anything in retaliation.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

You can't sue the principal. If all the other kids were telling the same story and your son was telling a different story, your son is not going to be believed.

He has to learn not to put himself into situations like that. After this, he needs to keep his hands to himself. If someone else touches him, he can report it, but if he retaliates, he will end up in trouble every time.

It is very unlikely that the other parent can sue you or press charges against your son. Most schools will not tell you the last name of another child involved in an incident with your child, and the police can't do anything without that information.

[foma]

Whoa, that is a tough situation. I think the best thing to do is talk to Kevin, assess what you need to do as a parent to help him through this, and talk to him about how to avoid a situation like this again. I agree, he shouldn't have listened to the other kid who said to touch Kid A back.

Good luck. Hopefully everything works out. I have a friend whose son was accused of touching a girl. I don't know the whole premise behind it but I believe the parent that the kid didn't do it. He spent the first few years of his life in a hospital so his personality is very chatty and outgoing (seriously, like nonstop ... he used to love to sit with my husband and I when we went to eat together with his parents and hubby and I would do paper scissors rocks to see who'd sit next to him!). Anyway, I'm not sure what happened with the school. He didn't get suspended or anything like that but his mom decided to home school him after that. I didn't agree with that decision but it wasn't mine to make obviously.

[mainebrokerman]

my gawd, how things have changed,,,
this sounds like a stupid p.c. mess.....


kids shouldnt have to go thru this crap...

i wouldnt sue, but id put the school system on notice - id get your son to another school if you could,,, if you cant-

i would demand a sit down with the principal,,,,and tell her/him...if my son gets teased even once, by any other kid- i will hold you responsible,,,and i will sue for harrassment.. if my son is under a stupid cloud of being a sexual predator-then i will nail this school district to the wall- this Moderator Cut is a two way street
i told my son,,that if he receives any teasing, harrassment, over this situation, he is to go directly to your office, and to call me on my cell phone..
and, he will be treated respectfully, and not dismissed... if YOUR school district is labeling this 9 yr old boy - then the same school district will label any other kid with harrassment, if teased.

have the same meeting with the superintendent.....


i would also speak one on one to the other parents.....even have your son with you,