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My daughter is a 7th grader at a junior high in our area. We got a call this afternoon that we needed to come to the school, and it turns out that she was being suspended.
Apparently she created a list of her friend's Minecraft characters names, and unfortunately titled it "Kill List." She put their real names next to their Minecraft names, and given the current climate, this was seen as a threatening act. She was suspended for two days.
My daughter is a mostly A's honor roll student in mostly Honors classes. She has never ONCE been in trouble for anything more atrocious than talking in class. She and her friends have been playing this game together, and the list did consist of FRIENDS of hers, not people that she was fighting with. I admit that I find the two day suspension to be utterly insane, given the obvious intent of the list. The Principal, Vice Principal and the police officer involved (County policy states that the police must be contacted in situations like this) all agreed that my daughter wasn't targeting the actual people, but the county has very strict rules on these things.
That said, I understand the importance of schools needing to protect their students, and I recognize that they need to be extremely cautious (especially since we live quite near to one of the worst school violence examples in the country). We have no intention of arguing or appealing the suspension, but along with that suspension comes some other pretty insane punishments. She will not be allowed to go on the seventh grade field trip (which isn't until May of next year). She will NOT be able to make the Honor Roll the entire year, regardless of her grades, and she is ineligible for any school awards at the end of the year. (School policy for those, NOT county),
This not only seems excessive, but counterproductive. How is telling a child that since they got in trouble once, they can no longer get credit for good performance the rest of the year? What reason would a less motivated child have to even try? What good does it do to keep her from a field trip that is months away, if there are no other problems between then and now?
I am looking for advice on how to go about appealing the lasting punishments from the suspension. Should I write a letter to the Principal or schedule an appointment now, or give it a month or so and then do it? Should I let my daughter write the letter, then request a meeting and give it to them?
Also, advice for what we should do while our daughter is suspended two days next week. Besides any homework or classwork that she is missing, there will be no computer time, no TV, no friends over, and no phone calls. Any other creative ideas to help her learn not to make boneheaded mistakes?
I agree that it all seems excessive. But, remember, this is just a bump in the road. Whether or not she was suspended in 7th grade won't matter by the time she gets into high school.
She will still get credit for her grades. So what if her name isn't on the Honor Roll hanging in the hall? I thinks its stupid too, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. They can't take away her A's.
I would write a letter to the superintendent, focused on only how the excessive nature of the punishment could be a motivation killer for a girl who has demonstrated a good work ethic to date. I don't think I would appeal any of the punishment in so many words, as I'm sure they wouldn't be willing to set a precedent of backing down from policy.
What I would have HER do, is write a letter of apology to the principal and vice principal. I think your current plans for how she will spend those two days is sufficient.
I agree that it all seems excessive. But, remember, this is just a bump in the road. Whether or not she was suspended in 7th grade won't matter by the time she gets into high school.
She will still get credit for her grades. So what if her name isn't on the Honor Roll hanging in the hall? I thinks its stupid too, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. They can't take away her A's.
I would write a letter to the superintendent, focused on only how the excessive nature of the punishment could be a motivation killer for a girl who has demonstrated a good work ethic to date. I don't think I would appeal any of the punishment in so many words, as I'm sure they wouldn't be willing to set a precedent of backing down from policy.
What I would have HER do, is write a letter of apology to the principal and vice principal. I think your current plans for how she will spend those two days is sufficient.
Excellent remarks. Great ideas.
IMHO A 7th grade honor student should be old enough to understand that you never make lists that say "Kill name" at school. Yes, it was a stupid mistake but I am sure that she will be extra careful about what she writes and says in the future. This was a very valuable learning experience for her and probably for anyone who learns about this situation.
My daughter is a 7th grader at a junior high in our area. We got a call this afternoon that we needed to come to the school, and it turns out that she was being suspended.
Apparently she created a list of her friend's Minecraft characters names, and unfortunately titled it "Kill List." She put their real names next to their Minecraft names, and given the current climate, this was seen as a threatening act. She was suspended for two days.
My daughter is a mostly A's honor roll student in mostly Honors classes. She has never ONCE been in trouble for anything more atrocious than talking in class. She and her friends have been playing this game together, and the list did consist of FRIENDS of hers, not people that she was fighting with. I admit that I find the two day suspension to be utterly insane, given the obvious intent of the list. The Principal, Vice Principal and the police officer involved (County policy states that the police must be contacted in situations like this) all agreed that my daughter wasn't targeting the actual people, but the county has very strict rules on these things.
That said, I understand the importance of schools needing to protect their students, and I recognize that they need to be extremely cautious (especially since we live quite near to one of the worst school violence examples in the country). We have no intention of arguing or appealing the suspension, but along with that suspension comes some other pretty insane punishments. She will not be allowed to go on the seventh grade field trip (which isn't until May of next year). She will NOT be able to make the Honor Roll the entire year, regardless of her grades, and she is ineligible for any school awards at the end of the year. (School policy for those, NOT county),
This not only seems excessive, but counterproductive. How is telling a child that since they got in trouble once, they can no longer get credit for good performance the rest of the year? What reason would a less motivated child have to even try? What good does it do to keep her from a field trip that is months away, if there are no other problems between then and now?
I am looking for advice on how to go about appealing the lasting punishments from the suspension. Should I write a letter to the Principal or schedule an appointment now, or give it a month or so and then do it? Should I let my daughter write the letter, then request a meeting and give it to them?
Also, advice for what we should do while our daughter is suspended two days next week. Besides any homework or classwork that she is missing, there will be no computer time, no TV, no friends over, and no phone calls. Any other creative ideas to help her learn not to make boneheaded mistakes?
The kid is being punished at school. Don't punish her more at home, that will just make it worse.
I agree with the kaleetan. the school has already made a huge deal of this. punishing her way in advance of the act by not letting her go to school outings and being on the honor roll. none of these punishments will have any effect on her high school or her future.
just because a kid is book smart doesn't mean they are mature and have common sense beyond their years. as for the 2 days, one day would be plenty punishment with no pals, comp or phone time. because she is a good straight A student otherwise I would not make any more issue with it and try to find somewhere to take her that would be educational, a museum, a historic landmark.
If the honor roll thing bothers you or your daughter I would write the school board and see if you can get it cancelled. I would ask for both the field trip and the honor roll, then negotiate by dropping the trip and getting the honor roll.
I agree wih Mattie in that Honor Roll in 7th grade is really not that big a deal. It really has no bearing on high school. Whatever certificates our son got for honor roll all those years are stuffed in a box somewhere. I think the field trip would bother me more as that's so far off and seems excessive.
We have no intention of arguing or appealing the suspension, but along with that suspension comes some other pretty insane punishments. She will not be allowed to go on the seventh grade field trip (which isn't until May of next year). She will NOT be able to make the Honor Roll the entire year, regardless of her grades, and she is ineligible for any school awards at the end of the year. (School policy for those, NOT county),
Honestly, these do not seem like the end of the world. The point of the punishment is to take away things that matter to the recipient. Your daughter made a bad choice. Whether she did it with bad intentions or she just did a dumb thing because she's 12 matters to you and it should. The problem with allowing one child exceptions is that you then have to allow exceptions for every child, no matter what you think their intent is. School shooters have been documented to make very similar lists to this in the past. The vast majority of parents believe the best about their child and the parents of the kids who went on to commit heinous acts didn't want to believe it could be real either. If they let yours off the hook, they must do the same for every other child that follows her, even the ones that really could present a threat (to her and others.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TravelingUp
This not only seems excessive, but counterproductive. How is telling a child that since they got in trouble once, they can no longer get credit for good performance the rest of the year? What reason would a less motivated child have to even try? What good does it do to keep her from a field trip that is months away, if there are no other problems between then and now?
I really can't understand why you are making a huge deal out of a field trip. In my mind, that should be the very first thing to go. If a child has not demonstrated they make good decisions when in a rigidly contained environment (school) they have not earned the privilege to go to a less contained environment with less supervision. She needs to take her lumps with this one and make a better decision next time. The honor roll piece doesn't really make sense to me, but honestly, it could be a LOT worse than what they're giving her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TravelingUp
I am looking for advice on how to go about appealing the lasting punishments from the suspension. Should I write a letter to the Principal or schedule an appointment now, or give it a month or so and then do it? Should I let my daughter write the letter, then request a meeting and give it to them?
I would do neither. The important thing that your daughter take from this is that in this day and age as a result of threats other people have made and followed through with, this sort of "joke" isn't funny. It's like talking about certain subjects at the airport--they'll arrest you whether you were serious or just trying to be a cut up in line. The best thing you could do for your daughter is to let her feel the full weight of the consequences NOW as a 7th grader and hope the lesson really sinks in. Trying to soften it for her and get her out of punishments she doesn't like will teach her this is no big deal and could perhaps lead to her making a similar mistake later on--which will have much worse consequences when she's older.
Your punishing at her home, too? I don't agree with that. She didn't have any bad intentions. If your daughter is as good as you say she is (which I believe), then she has already learned her lesson.
Anyways, it's just the honor roll. It's not like they are saying she won't be able to walk at graduation. It's really not that big of a deal.
I guess this could be a valuable learning opportunity. The consequences are excessive, I agree - but it's a good illustration of what can happen in the real world if one makes certain slip-ups. It's good that this happened in her 7th grade year and not her junior year of high school.
Another life lesson here is about picking your battles. Yes, there is some injustice going on. But in the grand scheme these consequences will not matter in terms of your daughter's future. Have her accept the school's punishment in full without protest. Create your own reward system for your daughter making good grades. (I hope that when your daughter still gets straight A's despite being barred from honor roll the school administrators will feel a pang of guilt.) If you feel bad about her missing the field trip, take her and a couple of her friends on a weekend trip some time to substitute for it. Be on your daughter's side. You know she did not have any dangerous or sinister intentions with that list. You labeled it correctly when you called it a "boneheaded mistake".
Sometimes in life we get "punished" even when our intentions were innocent. We have to learn how to avoid these scenarios to the best of our ability by gauging current societal trends, standards, and values. I don't think she'll get caught making this type of mistake again. And I certainly don't think you need to pile on any more punishment at home. Just talk with her about why the school feels they need to do this, and how this concept applies to other areas of life.
If you are really set on fighting this, I suppose having your daughter state her case in a letter to the school could also turn out to be a valuable lesson, regardless of outcome. If the school relents a little she'll learn that there is power in politely and articulately advocating for one's cause. If the school stays firm she'll learn that you can't always get what you want even when you're in the right.
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