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The whole mentality that people are OWED anything in life has emotionally crippled whole groups of people in this world
Yes, good parents sacrifice for their children.
But any sacrifice that spoils the child or creates an entitlement mentality on the part or either party (child OR parent) is wrong and emotionally unhealthy.
Who said anything about entitlement?
Perhaps the OP should have titled the post something along the lines of "should we feel disappointed that our millionaire son....blah?".
If you don't feel it yourself that you "owe" something to your significant others (on both ends, children AND parents) - then something went wrong in your family.
You may like it just fine the way your family functions, but some of us very much dislike this model.
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The Declaration of Independence pulled our country together. That's what the united part of the United States of America means. America is all about being unified as a group, and that's one of the main reasons our Constitution is the oldest one in the world. Other countries' constitutions crumble due to power struggles of individuals. The basic premise of our government's success is to stand together at all costs.
The thing is we live in an era of Atomized Individuals.
Atomization has little to do with the Founding Fathers - but it DOES reflect how these Atomized Individuals want to interpret what the Constitution meant, what the Founding Fathers had declared and what not.
I strongly doubt those guys had in mind today's family model. They meant a break from Britain, not a break from their loved ones.
That is an important point that many make in this thread. Should abused children support their parents? Of course not. I haven't even entertained that part of the discussion because it doesn't apply to my family, and it's common knowledge that victims don't own their abusers anything. I am a bit surprised at how many people in this thread feel they were treated badly by their families. Maybe I'm lucky.
But speaking of millionaires and abuse, Michael Jackson didn't owe his parents anything. The OP's post reminds me of the Jacksons. His father saw talent and pushed him to succeed. There's no doubt in the world that Michael Jackson wouldn't have been who he was if it weren't for his father. It's also widely known that his father abused him. Joe saw his kids as his ticket out of poverty. Michael's mother had a responsibility to protect her children and she didn't.
This makes me wonder if our opinions of the OP would change based on exactly what occurred. If his son is a millionaire because he pushed him to play baseball or football, hoping to get out of the ghetto on his son's talent, I'm sure most people would say his child doesn't owe him a thing. If his talent was intellectual and the father paid for him to go to an Ivy League school, people might view that differently.
One thing is clear, something went wrong in the OP's family. That's simply not the case for my family.
The reality is that our family's choice to help one another is a very liberal concept. It's like micro social security. What's conservative is the belief that everyone fend for themselves and suffer the consequences if they fail.
So where would the Amish fit in with your theory? They're one of the most conservative groups of people in our country and they take care of family. (It would take me a while to process "Amish" and "liberal" in the same sentence.)
So where would the Amish fit in with your theory? They're one of the most conservative groups of people in our country and they take care of family. (It would take me a while to process "Amish" and "liberal" in the same sentence.
The Amish have their own version of social security that is based on old world values. Some of us have families that embrace old world values for this specific issue. Others embrace the newer industrialized Western values. Social security is supported by many liberals---it takes a village. Many conservatives feel they should have a right to invest their money as individuals for their own personal security. Liberal isn't necessarily based on new ideas. Social security is a modern version of an old world value.
Never mind America is supposed to be a diverse place where people - WITH THEIR FAMILIES! - have arrived from all over the world.
Some of these groups prefer to maintain a traditional understanding of family, not an individualistic one.
Some of us wants to live in "clans" and "tribes". We love it this way. May we keep our model?
Of course.
Is someone stopping you? Several of us on this thread have stated that we've taken care of our families. You make the decision and.... you do it. You have the freedom to do it. My guess is we individualistic Americans don't feel the need to broadcast it to the world. I know a lot of Boomer Americans who have taken care of their aging parents. None have made a big deal about it. And none would shake their fingers at those who chose not to. That's part of being a nation full of individualists. We accept that everyone makes the choice that works for them.
Is someone stopping you? Several of us on this thread have stated that we've taken care of our families. You make the decision and.... you do it. You have the freedom to do it. My guess is we individualistic Americans don't feel the need to broadcast it to the world. I know a lot of Boomer Americans who have taken care of their aging parents. None have made a big deal about it. And none would shake their fingers at those who chose not to. That's part of being a nation full of individualists. We accept that everyone makes the choice that works for them.
We're discussing it because it's the topic of the thread. At the very beginning of this thread, some people said it was selfish for parents to not ensure their own financial security. That's downright judgmental. It's the very comment that inspired me to share my family's values on this issue. I'm not saying other people are wrong for doing it differently. I'm saying that it's wrong to judge those of us who truly believe in taking care of family. I know darn well many of you would take care of your parents if for some reason they lost their wealth. It's that darn word "owe" that divided people here. I strongly believe I have an obligation to my family. Yes, I owe them. By being members of the family and witnessing these values in action, I know my children feel the same way. That doesn't mean I think they owe me. It means I know my children share my values.
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