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My 8th grade daughter has what I call a laundry Christmas list, filled with expensive items that my husband and I are not willing to buy. While I usually get her one big-ticket item and a bunch of small gifts and stocking stuffers, now her list contains ALL big ticket items! I'm unsure about how to approach her about the fact that hubby and I are not going to get her 10+ expensive items? This seems to be a middle school thing.
Your eighth grade daughter knows that Santa does not bring presents. Time to start talking to her about her own expectations for Christmas. Talk to her about prioritization and how useful some of the items may be. Let her work on it. Be honest and upfront that she cannot have or you cannot afford or whatever you choose to tell her about 10 expensive presents.
You are after all the parents and she is the child. I sure understood these issues at 12 let alone older. Good way to start the financial discussion about cars, dating, college, wedding cost, etc. You might consider giving her a budget. This is only the beginning of these very important financial discussions.
I'd simply ask her which things she wants the most. It will be clear she won't get all of them if you ask her to prioritize. You shouldn't have to have a big discussion about it. My children understood without fanfare.
If she's in 8th grade she's around 13 or 14 years old. I am sure she understands the concept of money. Buy her one big thing that you can afford. If you aren't sure which big thing she wants the most ask her.
Has she gotten everything on her Christmas list in past years? If not, I would think she would not expect the same this year. If she has, well, time to talk with her about budgets.
Who taught her to make a Christmas list? Who taught her to expect to receive expensive gifts from you?
I agree that it's time to sit down with her and explain about earnings, expenses, etc. Then ask her what is the thing she wants most of all, and see if you can get her that. In addition, it's time to have a discussion about how to earn money and buy things for oneself - she's old enough to babysit, or clean houses, or snowblow/shovel for neighbors.
1) Don't say you "can't afford" the whole list. That will just make her resent you and your (in her mind) inability to earn "enough." Tell her that you have a certain amount in your budget and that you must use it to get gifts for EVERYONE on your list. This teaches her about discretionary income.
2) Ask her what she plans to get her dad and her friends for Christmas this year.
3) Find a local charity project you all can work on together for Xmas. Steps 2 and 3 get her mind focused on giving rather than receiving.
4) You probably already KNOW what she wants most. Get her a few of those things, then follow through with not buying the whole list.
Middle school is rough. My 13 year olds friends are a pretty spoiled bunch. So of course she is more aware of the piles of tech toys her friends are asking for.
I'll bet your daughter already knows that her list is unrealistic. You aren't killing Santa Claus by saying "the baby Jesus only got three presents. What do you REALLY want for Christmas?"
I don't think you have to make it like a big lesson that she needs to learn. or treat her like she is being a spoiled brat. Gently bring her back to reality and give her all the love she needs for Christmas.
Reality check. By this time, she knows Santa is a myth. Just tell her you don't have that much money. She can have one expensive thing. Or just tell her the amount of money she gets, and she can decide. Christmas is not a spend money free for all.
Can you get a 2nd job, even temporarily, so she can get everything she wants?
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My name is Sherry.
I'm unsure about how to approach her about the fact that hubby and I are not going to get her 10+ expensive items? This seems to be a middle school thing.
