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My oldest took a lesser paying job because the other one was stressful. SO, now she is in debt to credit cards big time. I won't help her out of that mess. She never has been responsible with money and I have actually charged to buy her a car years ago. I have enabled her to the point of no return. I have a big heart, but I need to put a lock on my funds which are limited. The other daughter has been self-sufficient right out of college. The one I enable is over 300 pounds, does nothing to help herself and now has health problems. I feel like moving away for 6 months to have her do it on her own. She even has a husband, who gets tired of her spending habits. Now she needs surgery and wants to come to my house to recover. That will mean I have to fork out more money and I just can't do it. There is nobody to help her after surgery so I will do that. But I am broken from my enabling, it's become an illness to me. Help me if you have ideas. No matter how crazy they are, please make suggestions.
I saw something on some television show about finances and retirement. They said it doesn't matter if you had one child or 9 children, the secret to having money in your retirement years is to lose the kids -- let them grow up and be independent. Otherwise they can be a huge money drain.
You really don't help someone when you enable their poor decisions and habits. I think you have to first realize that, you're just keeping her dependent on you. Learn to say no, or at least that you are unable to help her this time.
My oldest took a lesser paying job because the other one was stressful. SO, now she is in debt to credit cards big time. I won't help her out of that mess. She never has been responsible with money and I have actually charged to buy her a car years ago. I have enabled her to the point of no return. I have a big heart, but I need to put a lock on my funds which are limited. The other daughter has been self-sufficient right out of college. The one I enable is over 300 pounds, does nothing to help herself and now has health problems. I feel like moving away for 6 months to have her do it on her own. She even has a husband, who gets tired of her spending habits. Now she needs surgery and wants to come to my house to recover. That will mean I have to fork out more money and I just can't do it. There is nobody to help her after surgery so I will do that. But I am broken from my enabling, it's become an illness to me. Help me if you have ideas. No matter how crazy they are, please make suggestions.
No is a complete sentence. What if you werent there, who would help her. She has a husband. Let them figure it out.
My 27 year old sister in law dropped out of college after 2 years and moved out of the house and in with her the boyfriend, now husband at age 20. The problem: The in-laws never turned the credit card off. For the past 7 years, my sister in law has managed to rack up a credit card bill of $1,000 + per month every month. You do the math. The reason the credit card is not turned off: her and her husband do not make a lot of money. Can you guess why? If you were handed an extra $1,000+ per month, would you have any motivation to make more money? Granted, they do not make a lot, but most people that doe not make a lot, find a way to live within thier means, get a part time jobs to make ends meet or get an education so that a better paying job is obtainable.
Now, a baby is on the way. Can't WAIT to see how much this costs my in-laws.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am. My husband and I both have a college education, good jobs, 2 children, a house and are financially independent. I find it so unfair that this grown adult child has taken advantage of her parents in such a way for so long. By the way, my inlaws are retired!
My other sister in law is 30 years old and still lives with my inlaws. No rent is paid, groceries are purchased, meals are cooked, laundry is done, etc. She does not clean or contribute in any way.
Granted, my mother in law is a big time enabler who just can't seem to let go of her girls. Unfortunately, she thinks she is being kind to them, but in the long run, she is hurting them I fear beyond repair. I also fear that once my inlaws are gone and the financially irresponsible children go through their inheritance, they will come knocking on my door. My husband and I have made it very clear, that we will not bail anyone out. I have my own children and their college educations to think about. God knows, I never want to be in the situation my inlaws are in. At least I've learned a lesson from their grave mistakes!
People always think that, by giving the child ongoing financial support, they are helping their kids. The exact opposite is true. You cripple your children when you make their lives easy.
My 27 year old sister in law dropped out of college after 2 years and moved out of the house and in with her the boyfriend, now husband at age 20. The problem: The in-laws never turned the credit card off. For the past 7 years, my sister in law has managed to rack up a credit card bill of $1,000 + per month every month. You do the math. The reason the credit card is not turned off: her and her husband do not make a lot of money. Can you guess why? If you were handed an extra $1,000+ per month, would you have any motivation to make more money? Granted, they do not make a lot, but most people that doe not make a lot, find a way to live within thier means, get a part time jobs to make ends meet or get an education so that a better paying job is obtainable.
Now, a baby is on the way. Can't WAIT to see how much this costs my in-laws.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am. My husband and I both have a college education, good jobs, 2 children, a house and are financially independent. I find it so unfair that this grown adult child has taken advantage of her parents in such a way for so long. By the way, my inlaws are retired!
My other sister in law is 30 years old and still lives with my inlaws. No rent is paid, groceries are purchased, meals are cooked, laundry is done, etc. She does not clean or contribute in any way.
Granted, my mother in law is a big time enabler who just can't seem to let go of her girls. Unfortunately, she thinks she is being kind to them, but in the long run, she is hurting them I fear beyond repair. I also fear that once my inlaws are gone and the financially irresponsible children go through their inheritance, they will come knocking on my door. My husband and I have made it very clear, that we will not bail anyone out. I have my own children and their college educations to think about. God knows, I never want to be in the situation my inlaws are in. At least I've learned a lesson from their grave mistakes!
Yeah! That 30 year old lives in heaven! Perfectly fine situations, these are.
We have neighbors whose two children drove them so deeply into debt with their foolish demands and bad behavior that they wonder if they'll ever be able to retire. And it keeps getting worse - new grandbabies to pay for and wayward husbands to support. Maybe some education would help so add that to the bills.
He has recently taken on a second job and is terribly depressed. They used to have a lovely home and yard, he gardened and had many hobbies. Now everything is going downhill.
The children were lovely and bright children and I saw the start of all this when they became teenagers and saw that their parents didn't seem to be able to say no to them. Soon the children were running the household.
It's a terrible thing to watch someone get so caught up in caretaking that they ruin their own lives. But even worse is that they never seem to realize that they are crippling the person they are trying to help by doing everything for them.
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