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The one thing that makes me feel less bad about this is that I do think it will be good for her, precisely because she is so shy - she needs to be around other children and other adults to get used to them before she starts school otherwise that will be a nightmare at an age when other kids might make fun of her for being a "mummy's girl"
I think a preschool setting where there are enough structured activities -- book reading, coloring, music, art is better for shy kids than one where the kids are just left to play. Otherwise a quiet in-home setting with very few kids is better for a shy child.
Some shy or quiet kids hate too much noise. It stresses them, gives them headaches. They might thrive where they are kept busy and can listen to stories and music, but too much interaction with noisy kids will make them obviously miserable and stressed out. How it works for her can depend a lot on the particular preschool/daycare.
I think a preschool setting where there are enough structured activities -- book reading, coloring, music, art is better for shy kids than one where the kids are just left to play. Otherwise a quiet in-home setting with very few kids is better for a shy child.
Some shy or quiet kids hate too much noise. It stresses them, gives them headaches. They might thrive where they are kept busy and can listen to stories and music, but too much interaction with noisy kids will make them obviously miserable and stressed out. How it works for her can depend a lot on the particular preschool/daycare.
Might be different with the childminders but I don't think any of the daycares do much in the way of structured activities. My friend's wife is a teacher at one of them and my friend told me that its pretty much breakfast, talk about the day and story time then out to play til lunch, then nap for the younger ones but maybe the older ones do something structured during that time and then out to play again until parents arrive. But to be honest, I think she'll do better that way, she enjoys watching other children play even though she won't join in herself usually.
Might be different with the childminders but I don't think any of the daycares do much in the way of structured activities. My friend's wife is a teacher at one of them and my friend told me that its pretty much breakfast, talk about the day and story time then out to play til lunch, then nap for the younger ones but maybe the older ones do something structured during that time and then out to play again until parents arrive. But to be honest, I think she'll do better that way, she enjoys watching other children play even though she won't join in herself usually.
Maybe that's the difference between daycare and preschool. My oldest two went 2 half-days to preschool where they broke the whole time into 10-15 minutes of various activities to accomodate attention spans of 3 year olds. Coloring, book reading, finger painting, free play, exercise, outdoor play, music, crafts, and so on. They really liked it.
Younger ones had an after school day care which they really hated but they liked the babysitter who worked from her own home. Their complaint with the day care was that it was too loud, they couldn't play with toys they wanted because other kids grabbed them first. The said the noise gave them headaches. Quiet, shy and introverted kids sometimes feel a lot of stress when there is too much noise and action, or too many others around them.
One thing I like about preschool is that the kids are more or less the same age but also the light academics which gives them things to do.
Preschool doesn't start here until the year the child turns 6, the general ethos before that is child-led learning and free play mostly. My daughter isn't quiet or introverted, she's just really really shy until she is entirely comfortable with the situation and surroundings, and its a bit hard for her at the moment because she gets confused about which language to speak with other children so they get frustrated with her which puts her off even more.
When I put my son in preschool at age 3, I did it just 3 days a week. He was shy, so I thought that was as much as he could handle. About three weeks into the start of the school year, they had the open house. As the teacher went through her daily schedule, I realized how many fun things he was missing on his two days off.
I spoke with her that night about how he was doing and let her know that I was thinking of putting him full-time. She told me that the full-timers adjust better than the part-timers. They get into the routine and make friends faster. I started him full-time the following week and never doubted it was the right thing. He really enjoyed it. He wasn't the most social kid in the class but he was okay.
One thing I found with my son is that being the first to arrive made it easier on him. He did much better being the first to arrive and letting the chaos build around him than being the middle or last to arrive and being afraid to enter the fray. Once he got used to the school, we could arrive later but that first week or so, we got there early everyday to give him a chance to wander the classroom and build up confidence with the teacher. This was true of other activities as well - like birthday parties and even large family gatherings.
I have no idea yet where she will actually be going as the public daycare system has several centres and 15 childminders so she could be placed in any one of them as I didn't specify a preference because of the urgency (normal waiting list time is 4 months you see, so can't afford to be picky) but as soon as I know I'll arrange a visit (well several visits probably).
We haven't played "school" at home, but I've talked to her about daycare before as her friend goes there and told her its a place where she can play with other children.
She is used to being away from me as I share custody with her dad, just not used to being left with strangers. I'm only going to be working five hours a day so its not quite full time really but still a long time.
You could still visit a center. It doesn't matter *that* much if it won't be the one she'll attend.
You could still visit a center. It doesn't matter *that* much if it won't be the one she'll attend.
That's a good idea. There is only a choice of two centres that is likely to be put into if its not the childminder as the other centres are further away so I could take her to visit both.
Preschool doesn't start here until the year the child turns 6, the general ethos before that is child-led learning and free play mostly. My daughter isn't quiet or introverted, she's just really really shy until she is entirely comfortable with the situation and surroundings, and its a bit hard for her at the moment because she gets confused about which language to speak with other children so they get frustrated with her which puts her off even more.
She will probably do fine --- but I think there can be a big variety in preschool/daycare settings. You'll know if she seems too stressed. She may just love it.
As for the language, my neighbors' decided their child should learn the language of this country and they intentionally put him in a preschool where their language wasn't used at all, the same preschool my son attended. It was kind of sad seeing him at first, he didn't know a word of English and seemed so shy. School started in August -- but by the end of October, this little 4 year old was quite fluent in English and had all kinds of friends. He didn't have any problem fitting in.
My 3 year old has to start daycare in a month's time (I had intended to start with part time and gently ease her into it but I've been offered a work experience placement that I can't turn down) but she is extremely shy. She can't even bear to be left alone with close family members so how will she cope with strangers? Even other children scare her a bit. How can I best make this transition as easy for her as possible? And how do I even explain the concept of daycare to her, that she will have to be away from me all day?
I would use this next month to expose her to more adults and children. Go to the park, anyplace where kids congregate. Maybe you could plan to visit the nursery once or twice a week. At first you just go in and look around at what all the kids are doing, maybe participate and leave. When she gets more comfortable leave her there for a short time, like an hour or so. Then by the 3rd and 4th week she is staying all day once or twice a week.
She finally got a daycare place but I'm supposed to start my work placement next week (and she's at her dad's this week) so looks like I'm going to have to try and delay the start of my work so she can have a week of shorter visits to get used to it.
But on a positive note, I've been encouraging her to go out and play with the neighbour kids pretty much every day and though she hasn't plucked up the courage to actually talk to them yet she is always eager to go outside and play near them, and she's started to talk to other adults as well (shop workers, although only if they're female, she's still scared of men) so I'm hoping she'll adjust easier than I first thought
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