Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
First, I will comment that I ever since I could remember there have been "mean" lunch ladies, and I think that's just how it is I think they have to check the "mean" slot in order to be hired
Now, to look at it from a different perspective....let's say this little girl does this every day, to get attention. Let's say it's been going on for a while...and the teacher/lunch aide is fed up with this little girl constantly breaking the rules (out of her seat) and needs to give her tough love.
Here's an example. I had a little boy who loved to stay home with his mommy. He came to me in first grade. In the beginning of Kindergarten he had a problem too because he spent all summer with his stay-at-home mom, and now had to come to school and it wasn't "fun" (his words). So, he would cry at times during the day. Then, when it came to lunch time, he would purposefully make himself throw up, and if he couldn't get any throw up to come out, he would dribble spit down his chin. No lie, this happened this year. SO of course we would send him to the nurse, they would call up his parents, and they came to take him home. He got what he wanted. He tried it every day, and it got to the point that he would finally be OK in school in the morning...but would try to pull the act at lunch. We finally put our foot down, told him not too nicely and sweetly to knock it off, or he is going to be in time out. Two days after being "mean" and not caving in....he was fine and it never happened again (I still have this little boy). To parents who might have been sitting and watching this poor little boy crying and slobbering and almost puking...they might have been appalled that we were being so stern and strict with this sick little boy. However, that wasn't the case.
i agree but wanted to say that stress about school can cause stomach aches. i was a very very shy and sensitive child who got stomachs practically every morning before school. it even turned into vomiting some times. school was very frightening for me and if i had gruff teachers then i could have had a mini breakdown.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500
Right ... I *can* see that. With this particular little girl, well, she just gets "stuck" and really needs someone to transition her. And she's doing better now than at the beginning of the school year. But there are also kids who try to get my attention with stomach aches and such ... or whatever, so I do see that side of the slope.
My daughter once told a story of a child who fell on the playground at recess and skinned her knee. The teacher didn't mention the knee, but yelled at her to get up and kind of scolded her for playing in the muddy area. I just thought I would have comforted, assessed, given a band-aid as needed, and *then* sent the girl on her way - again, 15-60 seconds. And in the long run, I think it saves time by sort of psychologically closing things. No lingering sadness over feeling uncared for. If you want to say something to the child about being more careful in the future, that's fine. If the child does this routinely, that's another thing, requires another response.
this kids definitely does sound like a tiny manipulator. other kids may not be though and may genuinely be so stressed that they vomit without trying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo
First, I will comment that I ever since I could remember there have been "mean" lunch ladies, and I think that's just how it is I think they have to check the "mean" slot in order to be hired
Now, to look at it from a different perspective....let's say this little girl does this every day, to get attention. Let's say it's been going on for a while...and the teacher/lunch aide is fed up with this little girl constantly breaking the rules (out of her seat) and needs to give her tough love.
Here's an example. I had a little boy who loved to stay home with his mommy. He came to me in first grade. In the beginning of Kindergarten he had a problem too because he spent all summer with his stay-at-home mom, and now had to come to school and it wasn't "fun" (his words). So, he would cry at times during the day. Then, when it came to lunch time, he would purposefully make himself throw up, and if he couldn't get any throw up to come out, he would dribble spit down his chin. No lie, this happened this year. SO of course we would send him to the nurse, they would call up his parents, and they came to take him home. He got what he wanted. He tried it every day, and it got to the point that he would finally be OK in school in the morning...but would try to pull the act at lunch. We finally put our foot down, told him not too nicely and sweetly to knock it off, or he is going to be in time out. Two days after being "mean" and not caving in....he was fine and it never happened again (I still have this little boy). To parents who might have been sitting and watching this poor little boy crying and slobbering and almost puking...they might have been appalled that we were being so stern and strict with this sick little boy. However, that wasn't the case.
hmmm, i dont think it is only in the backwoods areas...............
i know because i just moved from cincinnati, ohio and they still believe in the ole paddle.
Well, I guess I didn't necessarily mean just rural areas....but the South and Midwest, even in their bigger cities, still have that "backwoods" mentality at times.
Well, I guess I didn't necessarily mean just rural areas....but the South and Midwest, even in their bigger cities, still have that "backwoods" mentality at times.
You are right. Look at this link that Far North Dallas provided. It's very interesting. It shows which states still have corporal punishment and which ones don't. Thank God I'm moving back to California so I wont have to worry about it.
U.S.: Corporal Punishment and Paddling Statistics by State and Race (http://www.stophitting.com/disatschool/statesBanning.php - broken link)
this kids definitely does sound like a tiny manipulator. other kids may not be though and may genuinely be so stressed that they vomit without trying.
Right, I admit, I'm on the soft side of the pendulum, I can't help it, but I would ask if this child were really ready to start kindergarten. And I would probably be wrong, but ... how many adults are in therapy dealing, in part, with childhood traumas?
First, I will comment that I ever since I could remember there have been "mean" lunch ladies, and I think that's just how it is I think they have to check the "mean" slot in order to be hired
Now, to look at it from a different perspective....let's say this little girl does this every day, to get attention. Let's say it's been going on for a while...and the teacher/lunch aide is fed up with this little girl constantly breaking the rules (out of her seat) and needs to give her tough love.
Here's an example. I had a little boy who loved to stay home with his mommy. He came to me in first grade. In the beginning of Kindergarten he had a problem too because he spent all summer with his stay-at-home mom, and now had to come to school and it wasn't "fun" (his words). So, he would cry at times during the day. Then, when it came to lunch time, he would purposefully make himself throw up, and if he couldn't get any throw up to come out, he would dribble spit down his chin. No lie, this happened this year. SO of course we would send him to the nurse, they would call up his parents, and they came to take him home. He got what he wanted. He tried it every day, and it got to the point that he would finally be OK in school in the morning...but would try to pull the act at lunch. We finally put our foot down, told him not too nicely and sweetly to knock it off, or he is going to be in time out. Two days after being "mean" and not caving in....he was fine and it never happened again (I still have this little boy). To parents who might have been sitting and watching this poor little boy crying and slobbering and almost puking...they might have been appalled that we were being so stern and strict with this sick little boy. However, that wasn't the case.
I just feel really bad for the little boy. Just because you were tough with him and made him behave, doesn't mean that he is still not crying on the inside. It was obviously a very difficult transition for him and he didn't want to be there. I want to know how would an adult would feel if somebody dropped him at the place he doesn't want to be and made him stay there. It's sad to see that his behaviour wasn't looked at as the cry for help but rather as a behaviour of a spoiled child who wants to get what he wants. Touche.
I just feel really bad for the little boy. Just because you were tough with him and made him behave, doesn't mean that he is still not crying on the inside. It was obviously a very difficult transition for him and he didn't want to be there. I want to know how would an adult would feel if somebody dropped him at the place he doesn't want to be and made him stay there. It's sad to see that his behaviour wasn't looked at as the cry for help but rather as a behaviour of a spoiled child who wants to get what he wants. Touche.
I just tend to agree with this. Maybe we are all wrong about being so strict and regimented with these young kids. It's not as if we have adults in this country who are sooo well adjusted that we can say "we are doing the right thing, we shouldn't change anything". Who says this is the best way to be?
But ... then I *can* think of examples of children (I know) who do need a firmer touch.
I've already said this. For me, I can't think of anything good that came of adults being sharp and mean to me, ignoring my crying, etc. All of the goodness came from the adults who were warm and caring. But that's me and we have talked about how it depends on the individual child.
I just feel really bad for the little boy. Just because you were tough with him and made him behave, doesn't mean that he is still not crying on the inside. It was obviously a very difficult transition for him and he didn't want to be there. I want to know how would an adult would feel if somebody dropped him at the place he doesn't want to be and made him stay there. It's sad to see that his behaviour wasn't looked at as the cry for help but rather as a behaviour of a spoiled child who wants to get what he wants. Touche.
This child was already at this school for a year in Kindergarten. Then he came back for first grade. This happened back in August. We did not take the tough role at first. We did make sure he was ok, sent him to nurse, called his parents, talked to him. Then the child did it every day. The parents got angry too, we had a conference, and they agreed he was doing it to get out of school, the boy would tell them and us that he just wanted to stay home with his mom and his baby brother.
We all have to be at places we don't want to be at, and we have to show that induced vomiting is not going to get you out of a place where you have to be at. It was not a cry for help; he had already told us he wanted to be home with said persons.
As I said, twice we had to put the foot down, it is December-5 months later, and the boy is still in my class and fine now. He was fine since the foot was down, and by the 3rd day after us not tolerating it-(and all I mean is telling him to stop it, he will not be going to the nurse and his parents will not be called)...it was like magic, like it never happened.
Sometimes people do coddle too much. Sometimes it is not a cry for help. You do have to look at that side too. Believe me, working with children, you see all sides. If more parents stopped coddling (I am a mother of two so I do coddle, but then I also do put it down with my own) and started being firmer.....I think school might be a little better.
Today I was eating lunch with my daughter (kindergarten) and another kindergartener I know (she's in my Daisy Troop) came in and was standing by her seat crying. I ran over, told her I was there, asked her what was wrong, talked it through, and worked out a solution. The whole thing took 60 seconds and she was smiling again. Somewhere in the middle of this, one of the teachers who monitors the cafeteria rushed over to the table and said in a harsh voice "sit down and start eating your lunch!".
Is my approach here really wrong? What am I missing and what is the case for so much tough love among 5 year olds? These kids respond so well to a little bit of kindness. When I am leading a class party (I'm room parent) or my troop, they are well behaved because they have a friendly and kind adult in front of them.
Sad but it's what I'm seeing also and am actually having issues with my daughters school. She's currently working on her 3rd suspension this year...
Suspension 1 was due to dress code violation. The weather was so warm I hadn't bought her a hoodie type jacket without the hood. I've been looking, very hard to find one, reasonably priced. Seemed every time I turned around there was another bill to pay.. my meds at $800 per month (insurance is maxed out) MRI on my daughters knee - almost $500, eye glasses as well as exam - another $400. Add to this my husband got injured and has been out of work since October. I met with the assistant principal, he said he'd work with me.. ended up suspending her twuce after saying he'd work with me.
I meet with him again, tell him other kids are also wearing hoodies & slippers.. he tells me to my face that if the kids are good students, the teachers will turn their heads. Since my daughter got out of line, immediate write up. He said to me.. well we all have problems.. Huh? I mean Geez, would it kill him to look the other way for a few days because at this point I'd ordered a sweater from Victorias Secret at the cost of over $50 and told him it was coming...
Daughter has an IEP, it's no secret that when times get tough, she speaks out. She's been great this year, no meds.. doing very well on her own. I was in the hospital last week.. told Mr Assistant principal to make sure she saw the counselor to deal with it... of course he didn't.
Monday comes, she has an appointment to get her cast off.. she tells me she's suspended. I check my house machine, no message.. check my cell, he left me a message Friday & Monday. Would have killed him to call the house or email me.
My daughter lost one of her classmates last year.. Saturday was the 1 year anniversary, so she's been upset. Had he gotten her counseling, the school would know there was something wrong and try to work through it. Easier to just suspend her.
I have a meeting Monday with all of her teachers.. I've been asking her case worker as well as the assistant principal since October for this meeting. One teacher has emailed me back in October, then another once in late November with another (gym) last week after getting home from the hospital. If my daughters mouth has been such a problem why has there not been any contact from anyone? Why do they let it get this far?
Sadly, one of the teachers I know there told me it is easier to just not deal with it. Takes too much time I guess to take my kid aside and say.. hey, this isn't like you, is there something going on? I understand she needs consequenses but come on.
Sorry for the rant but it gets to me that (most) teachers can't be bothered. Very sad that they are with our kids all day, know our kids, but turn the other way when the kid needs them the most.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think they have to check the "mean" slot in order to be hired
