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If there is no marriage and the child lives with the mother, then the child should have the mother's last name.
If they are married, the child should have either the father's last name or a hyphenated last name (many people do that now)
Can't do that here. I mean people have hyphenate their last names but you can't give a child the hyphenated last name.
I'm not changing my name when I get married, my kids will all have my last name (apart from my first child who unfortunately has her father's name which, amongst other things, causes me trouble when travelling with her)
Primary caregiver. If it's the mother who's most involved in the kid's life, enrolling her in school, attending functions, going to conferences, etc, it causes less confusion for them to have the same last name.
This. I think it also causes less legal complications. My daughter's father has never been a part of her life (his choice), and it would be incredibly odd for her to have his last name when I'm the one that does everything with her and for her. Recently, I had to apply for a passport for her, and since the custody papers have been put somewhere I couldn't find them (it's been 15 years), it's a blessing that he wasn't on her birth certificate and that she has my last name. Otherwise, I'd have to go back to my lawyer and pay for copies of paperwork and the whole process could take weeks longer than it needs to.
I have friends who were given their father's last name, while their mother kept her maiden name, and they talk about how (especially at school) their mother got questions about who she was and that the "legal" parent needed to sign paperwork.
Quote:
Originally Posted by j7r6s
There's a gotcha in this scenario. The unmarried father's last name will likely never change. The mother's might. If the mother gives the child her maiden name, and then subsequently marries a different man, you've got a child whose last name doesn't match either parent.
It's not really a gotcha scenario. First, it's entirely the mother's choice if she wants to change her last name to her new husband's last name, and if she does choose to change it, the children's names could be changed at the same time. Second, there may never be a new husband. It's a little ridiculous to name your child based on the possibility that one day you may decide to change your last name. It's just as ridiculous to name your child after someone who won't even be a big part of their lives, with the idea of, "Well, their birth father's name will always be the same." If the children end up having no relationship, or a very limited relationship with their father, then they're basically carrying on a phantom father's last name, and that would ultimately be the same thing as having a name that's different from everyone who is a regular part of your life.
Names are changeable. I do know people who were given their father's last name, who changed their name when they turned 18 to their mother's last name, because their father had never been a part of their life and they were annoyed at having it. The reverse would also be true - if someone was given their mother's last name, and they preferred to carry on their father's, they could change it. To me, this is the perfect reason to give the child the last name of who will be the primary caregiver. It causes less confusion and less legal hassle while the child is young, and the child, if they don't like it, can change their name when they get older.
I don't get the hang up with different last names causing any confusion in school, it never has for us. Many kids in schools are from divorced families, and people manage fine. It's as much of a non-issue as family members having different first names. Do I get called Mrs. Husband's Last Name? Yes, it doesn't bother me one bit. This is very much a "do what works best for your family" issue.
If there is no marriage and the child lives with the mother, then the child should have the mother's last name.
If they are married, the child should have either the father's last name or a hyphenated last name (many people do that now)
This. ^^^
It's less confusing all around. Especially when multiple fathers with different last names are involved and less stigma.
I'll add that if the children live exclusively with the father, then the father's last name should be used.
My personal preference is the traditional way - get married first, and give your child their father's name. Most people still give the father's last name only. That is my preference too, in the standard situation of married parents.
There's a gotcha in this scenario. The unmarried father's last name will likely never change. The mother's might. If the mother gives the child her maiden name, and then subsequently marries a different man, you've got a child whose last name doesn't match either parent.
Seriously? When I, a female, married my husband, I did not change my last name. My children have my last name as their middle name and my husband last name as their last name. No biggie.
There's a gotcha in this scenario. The unmarried father's last name will likely never change. The mother's might. If the mother gives the child her maiden name, and then subsequently marries a different man, you've got a child whose last name doesn't match either parent.
I'm surprised at some of the responses here. As a kid who had a different last name than both my parents, I had serious issues time after time when they came to pick me up from school. And that was 30+ years ago when security is nowhere near as tight as it is now. I wouldn't want my kids to go through that. And I dont really understand why wives dont change their last names when they get married, it seems it would avoid a whole lot of confusion personally and with future kids regarding last name. Seems to go against the idea of a unity and family. Unless you're Cher, why not change your last name... that's a different debate I suppose.
I wouldn't change my last name if I got married, unless I was marrying somebody willing to legally adopt my child and give her his name...but if I were marrying someone who wasn't willing to do that the wedding wouldn't be happening anyway.
I won't change my name because my name is brilliant, much better than my OH's name (which isn't even his original name, he changed it when he turned 17)
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