Should a baby have his father's or mother's last name? (child support, divorce)
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I'm surprised at some of the responses here. As a kid who had a different last name than both my parents, I had serious issues time after time when they came to pick me up from school. And that was 30+ years ago when security is nowhere near as tight as it is now. I wouldn't want my kids to go through that. And I dont really understand why wives dont change their last names when they get married, it seems it would avoid a whole lot of confusion personally and with future kids regarding last name. Seems to go against the idea of a unity and family. Unless you're Cher, why not change your last name... that's a different debate I suppose.
I'm confused. Are you saying that Mom should just pick out a nice last name and give it to her child?
Hmm, the name Jones sounds nice. Or is Jones the last name of the biological father? Or the last name of the rich man that she wants to "trap" into marriage? Or the name of her next door neighbor who she hates and wants to get him in trouble with his wife? Or the name of her college professor who she wants to get fired?
Please clarify. As I must be missing something.
I'm saying the mom shouldn't feel obligated to do her own name, OR the name of the father, or her spouse if the spouse isn't the father. She should be ALLOWED to name her child whatever the heck she wants to name her child, within reason. First, middle, and last.
When I got married I had my last name legally changed with Social Security. I didn't merely take my husband's name as my own - because when you do that in THIS state - your name becomes [first name] [maiden name] [husband's last name.]
I didn't want that for myself. So my legal name is now
[first name] [husband's last name] with no middle name at all. My maiden name is legally no longer part of my name. It's not that I'm ashamed of my family - I love my family. But the three names together just sounds weird, and I love my husband's last name. In fact, if we ever got a divorce, I'd keep the name, because it just sounds AWESOME with my first name combined.
A mom should be allowed to give her child any last name she chooses (within reason, again). Jesus Rivera sounds great. Jesus Christ - probably not a good idea. Barack Jones, sure. Barack O'Bama - I'm thinking no. Frederick Bellinger, very distinguished. Frederick Flintstone, well maybe it the kid's mom was Cher. Otherwise, no.
Compare to Jesus Smith, Barack McGillicuddy, and Frederick Brown. Why, if a mom comes up with a lovely sounding combination, shouldn't she be allowed to give her child that name? It's her child, and her child can always change it when he or she turns 18. And even if he or she is younger and doesn't like it, he or she can call himself anything he wants, with - or without - reason. It just wouldn't be a legal name.
I think it's up to the parents to decide. There is no right or wrong answer.
I did not change my name to my husband's, and it's a bit of a pain, but it was not really an option. His family is from another country where taking the husband's name is not the norm, and it would have seemed very weird to do it. In any case, his last name is extremely foreign and difficult to spell, and together with my hard to spell first name would have added much more pain to my life than just keeping my own last name.
In any case, I don't see why a woman should change her last name to her husband's. It's completely patriarchal to do so, and implies that a woman does not have her own identity.
Tradition? I dont know, personal choice I guess, but I would think everyone in the "family" having the same last name would prevent a lot of confusion and add to the sense of unity within the family. Sounds cliche, but just being too "lazy" to change it seems like a silly reason. I know there are other reasons, but several of my couple friends have told me that in the past.
I don't get the hang up with different last names causing any confusion in school, it never has for us. Many kids in schools are from divorced families, and people manage fine. It's as much of a non-issue as family members having different first names. Do I get called Mrs. Husband's Last Name? Yes, it doesn't bother me one bit. This is very much a "do what works best for your family" issue.
My children have the last name of my husband, their father, it never caused any trouble at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu
Seriously? When I, a female, married my husband, I did not change my last name. My children have my last name as their middle name and my husband last name as their last name. No biggie.
Tradition? I dont know, personal choice I guess, but I would think everyone in the "family" having the same last name would prevent a lot of confusion and add to the sense of unity within the family. Sounds cliche, but just being too "lazy" to change it seems like a silly reason. I know there are other reasons, but several of my couple friends have told me that in the past.
There is so many blended families nowadays I don't think people really pay that much attention to family members or siblings with different last names.
I was just wondering, you said you don't understand why some women don't take their husbands last name. I guess the same reason husbands don't take their wife's last name.
My first child was born before his father and I were married. I gave the child my last name. When we later married we had the last name changed. We had to go before a judge and pay $50. That was in the late 70's. Tradition, I guess.
I remarried taking my husbands last name but when we later divorced I took back my first husbands (father of my children) last name so we would all have the same last name again.
I'm surprised at some of the responses here. As a kid who had a different last name than both my parents, I had serious issues time after time when they came to pick me up from school.
What issues? We haven't faced any.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage
Tradition? I dont know, personal choice I guess, but I would think everyone in the "family" having the same last name would prevent a lot of confusion and add to the sense of unity within the family. Sounds cliche, but just being too "lazy" to change it seems like a silly reason. I know there are other reasons, but several of my couple friends have told me that in the past.
Who said people who don't change their name do it because they are lazy? I have never, ever heard that used as a reason. What does a name have to do with whether or not people are committed to their family? Sounds very weird to me.
In another thread about teen pregnancy, there is a debate about whether or not a baby should be given the father's last name.
I personally think that the baby should have the mother's last name, unless the parents are married. (Especially in cases of teen pregnancies.) if the father sticks around and is a good father, then the last name can be changed or hyphenated.
Thoughts?
If they are not married, the mother's last name. Teen pregnancies rarely work out with the couple staying together, and it sucks to have your child walking around with the last name of your deadbeat ex-boyfriend.
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