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I'm 33, and a single dad of a great toddler. Love the little guy and can't get enough of him..but for reasons of my own, i've been debating getting a Vasectomy and calling it one-and-done.
My question is to those who have raised a single child...do you regret it?
This isn't something I intend to do on a whim. I've had it in my mind for the last 6-9 months and asking this question here is part of my research prior to actually consulting a urologist and going through with it.
I'm just curious to what people who've done just that think...
If you're unsure, there's always the possibility that you could want more children down the road, so why go through a virtually irreversible procedure?
We kept having kids until we stopped wondering about "just one more" and knew we couldn't realistically and responsibly have another child, the decision was very clear. 3 was the magic number for us, it's going to be different for everyone based on their situation.
I still wouldn't get a vasectomy even now, but that's for the reason I already mentioned, but you aren't asking about birth control so we'll leave that alone
We r 31 and have a 4 year old and everyone told us we'd want another when she turned two... She turned two and we still didn't want one, she turned 3 still didn't want another. Now she's 4 and a half and I'm SO glad we decided on one. We have our freedom to go places, only have to buy one ticket to planes or disney. Two parents to one kid for discipline etc. We never have to change diapers again or wake up ever 2 hours. We can take her to movies and festivals and stores .. You get the point..
We were given the guilt trips of "oh she'll be lonely she needs a sibling , what if something happens to you guys she'll be alone " etc. Fact is we are happy with one, my husband got a vasectomy last June and it was the BEST decision we made. We can send her to private school and spend a little extra here and there on indulgent toys or clothes and not have to worry about a sibling being jealous or having to buy two. If you don't want another don't have one..
This day in age every thing is expensive, people aren't having those 7 kid families that can be supported on one income.
I'm 33, and a single dad of a great toddler. Love the little guy and can't get enough of him..but for reasons of my own, i've been debating getting a Vasectomy and calling it one-and-done.
My question is to those who have raised a single child...do you regret it?
This isn't something I intend to do on a whim. I've had it in my mind for the last 6-9 months and asking this question here is part of my research prior to actually consulting a urologist and going through with it.
I'm just curious to what people who've done just that think...
No. I just do not get all the 'only' anguish at all. I am an only, my daughter is an only (hubby is one of 4).
I can't imagine having siblings, I asked my daughter if she ever wanted them, and all she said was, "Having a twin would be cool, but that didn't happen, so no." My husband gets along with his siblings, but doesn't see the need to have a large family.
All the BS you see about onlies being 'damaged' goods are baloney. Sure, some may choose to blame all manner of things on being an only child...but something tells me these people would have similar complaints if they had siblings anyway....they just want to blame something.
Think it through carefully....make sure it's the right choice for you.....then decide. But decide about what works for you....not that you think you need to give your son a sibling because of what others 'think'.
We have one child and both of us think we should have had one more. I don't lose any sleep over it, but looking back we wish we would have.
However, it's certainly easier financially to just have one. If all goes well we'll be able to pay for college and have a decent retirement and that would have been a bigger struggle with more than one.
You and your wife should make this decision together and not worry about what anyone else thinks you should do.
I don't regret it...but I long for another. I really want to have a daughter. I'm still relatively young so I have time to make it happen, but honestly if I don't become pregnant in the next five years I don't think I will have another. I love my son and have no problems with him being an only but part of me will always want a second kiddo.
I'm with my on and off again (again!) so maybe something will happen there... I'm just trying to let things happen naturally. Who knows how it will all work out.
As for you, I think that's something you should talk with your partner about. There are a lot of options. If you feel like you are satisfied and done with having kids, have the procedure. If you're unsure then don't, just continue wrapping it up or using other methods.
There is no damage being an only as long as you have close friendships, or cousins of a similar age.
I speak having been an only on one side and the oldest of far too many on the other. I love my sibs, and it is a unique relationship, but I was never lonely or sad when I was living with my mom.
My SO is one of SEVEN, and we chose to only have one. I think that is fairly telling about how he felt about being one of so many.
I would strongly suggest you wait. I have only one and can't have another, and that's fine for me, but I know that if we could we'd do it. The first few years were so tough we wondered why anyone would have more than one, but now that our child is a bit older, I'm actually wishing I could do it again. It's hard not to imagine your child with a sibling, or compare yourselves to friends with two, three, four kids. One of the hardest things we've ever been through was not being able to have a child we wanted. Using some reliable birth control for a few years is a much better solution than risking making the wrong decision. That kind of stress would be really hard on your marriage and your whole family.
I'm 33, and a single dad of a great toddler. Love the little guy and can't get enough of him..but for reasons of my own, i've been debating getting a Vasectomy and calling it one-and-done.
My question is to those who have raised a single child...do you regret it?
This isn't something I intend to do on a whim. I've had it in my mind for the last 6-9 months and asking this question here is part of my research prior to actually consulting a urologist and going through with it.
I'm just curious to what people who've done just that think...
As the mom of an only I don't regret it, there are some interesting aspects to raising an only and if I had attempted another it would have been high risk. Having said that, you are young. I'd think on it some more, and don't get snipped with the idea that you can have it reversed in the future. Just my thoughts.
There are pluses and minuses. My dd is an only, and the youngest cousin by far. She was always very mature and well spoken, even as a toddler, and preferred playing with older kids and talking to adults over kids her own age. She happens to be the kind of child who loves getting attention, and has the privilege of getting ALL of mine without having to share it. I also love being able to focus completely on one child. There were a lot of things my mother didn't really understand about me, because she really couldn't pay close enough attention. I feel I am able to be completely in sync with one.
There were times I wished she had a sibling so she could have someone to play with and give me a moment's peace, and times she herself wishes for the same. She does have a half brother, but he's 15 years older than she is, they haven't lived together since she was a baby and only speak to or see each other maybe 1-2 times a year. But ultimately, kids adjust to and accept whatever their family situation is without too much anguish.
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