What to do with a child who doesn't want to grow up (diapers, mother)
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Aw hell... if the parents aren't on the same page, just throw up your hands just accept your situation and the fact you will be stuck with her forever.
I am at wits end with my oldest daughter. She's almost 19 and refuses to get a job. We told her she has a free place to stay as long as she's in school and are paying for her classes. She registered for 12 credits last semester but dropped 5 after the drop date (so she has a W on her transcript and there was no refund). I told her the other day that she needs to get a job and her response was to tell me she hasn't needed one for 18 years and doesn't need one now. Other than food and allowing her to use our car to get back and forth to classes we don't give her anything. She has a boyfriend who buys her clothes and stuff. She contributes nothing to the household.
Everything is all or nothing with her. She'll get a job when she graduates with her veterinary degree because she doesn't want any other job besides being a vet. I seriously doubt she'll even get into vet school with her lackadaisical attitude about classes. Taking 7 credits at a time will take 9 years just to finish a bachelor's degree and vet school is VERY COMPETITIVE.
I have no idea why she's this way. She grew up watching me work full time and go to grad school (I took 6 years to get my second masters because I was working full time and had two kids). She was raised by parents with good work ethics and she's had working towards goals modeled for her yet she doesn't seem to think she should have to work. Her sister OTOH can't wait for independence. At 16 she's working and saving to buy a car and mad at us that we won't let her buy one before she's 18. It's like my kids were born on different planets. One has dug her heels in and refuses to grow up while the other is well on her way out the door at 16.
Dh is ready to kick dd#1 out. I really want her to stay in school full time and I'm willing to feed her and put a roof over her head while she's in school but I want her to get a job to take care of her own needs and start working towards independence. Unfortunately, we do not have the money to send her away to school and she doesn't have the test scores to get in most universities. She's smart but doesn't try.
Is it time to kick her out on her butt? Yes, this is the dd who moved out with her boyfriend last summer. His parents had enough of her mooching and she moved back home. Things were better for a while but it's back to same old same old. I'm furious that she's only taking 7 credits and not looking for work. A friend of the family who does temporary placements offered to place her in a job but she refused saying she wants to do it on her own but she doesn't do anything.
The boyfriend is really complicating things. We thought if we stopped buying things for her that she'd get a job but he buys things for her. He does not make enough for his own place. He lives with his parents. How do you make a little bird jump from the nest?
Your OP. YOU are the one bringing DD2 into the conversation. YOU.
If you do not want DD2 discussed, STOP using her as the standard bearer.
Last edited by maciesmom; 04-27-2014 at 02:27 PM..
There are way too many problems in your family to be solved on an internet forum. If, as you say, you can't put your foot down because DH won't put his foot down, why are you even here asking? If you are powerless, nothing we say is going to help.
There is little or no excuse for paying for college for one child and not the other. I don't care who is favored by whom.
There are way too many problems in your family to be solved on an internet forum. If, as you say, you can't put your foot down because DH won't put his foot down, why are you even here asking? If you are powerless, nothing we say is going to help.
There is little or no excuse for paying for college for one child and not the other. I don't care who is favored by whom.
I came looking for suggestions on how to motivate dd#1. A few people actually offered some which I appreciate. Any suggestions WRT putting feet down however have to be agreed upon by dh as there are four parental feet here not just two and whether I agree with it or not, his opinion counts too.
I came looking for suggestions on how to motivate dd#1. A few people actually offered some which I appreciate. Any suggestions WRT putting feet down however have to be agreed upon by dh as there are four parental feet here not just two and whether I agree with it or not, his opinion counts too.
Do why are you not sitting down with dh and getting on the same page?
He undermines you, then you undermine him. It makes no sense, Ivory. You need to get the whole family into counseling to resolve the family issues.
Ever heard of student loans? How dd#2 plans to pay for college is not the discussion here. I'm not sure why you're trying to make it the discussion. The discussion as you may recall is about trying to get dd#1 to get a job and some direction in life. Dd#2 has both already so she's not the discussion here.
The problem is that you can't see that a big part of DD1's problem is most likely the difference in how you treat your daughters. You never expected anything of her, so why should she do anything? DD2 may very well feel the same about your husband, but you're trying to get DD1 the job.
First off. You can't get the job for her. She has to be the one who is motivated to get the job, and it looks like no amount of griping is going to do that for her. She's not a six-year-old where you can just give her a sticker for being a good girl. It's very obvious that she needs to see a counselor about some issues (some maybe you don't even know about), and that's what my condition would be for her staying in the house. I would care more about my daughter's mental health than her getting a part-time job.
By the way, I'm surprised you're going to encourage student loans. Also, all except for a very small amount will have to be taken out by the parents or co-signed by the parents, so it's still in a way your paying for one daughter's school and not the other daughter's.
Do why are you not sitting down with dh and getting on the same page?
He undermines you, then you undermine him. It makes no sense, Ivory. You need to get the whole family into counseling to resolve the family issues.
I don't undermine him. If I tell him I'm doing something I do it. He does undermine what I say which is why he has to be the one to lay down the law if that's what needs to be done.
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How dd#2 plans to pay for college is not the discussion here. I'm not sure why you're trying to make it the discussion. The discussion as you may recall is about trying to get dd#1 to get a job and some direction in life. Dd#2 has both already so she's not the discussion here.