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We had a different double standard. My parents seemed to think that discipline or punishment of my sister was somehow cruel. As a result, she was stealing by the time she could walk. She stole anything from anyone she could get her hands on. And throughout my life, this was an ongoing problem. But never once am I aware that my parents ever said or did anything to her about it !
Once, when she was about 17, she was caught by my brother stealing money out of his bedroom. He got angry and proceeded to beat the snot out of her. And my parents got mad at HIM for hurting her, but never said anything about what she was doing. They seemed to think it was OK for her to steal from others. Even though my mom was a religious addict, the commandment about "Thou shall not steal" did not apply to my sister. There was a double standard. My brother and I would have caught hail if we had stolen from her, them, or anyone else.
She also had a severe eating disorder. She weighed over 300 lbs when she finished high school. BUT They thought it was cruel to tell her not to eat or limit food from her if she was hungry. There were times I went to bed hungry, and they did not care. I did not go to bed hungry because we were poor, I went to bed because she ate so much. We had empty cabinets and empty pantries. I would find her eating things like raw flour and raw pasta when everything else was gone.
I promise, my brother and I were NOT raised that way.
When she finished high school (a private by a diploma type place for troubled youth) She got a job at a store in the mall and was promptly fired for stealing merchandise. My father's result was to show up at the store with his attorney and threatened (Intimidated) the store manager into writing her a letter of recommendation and promising in writing never to report anything to anyone about this. (Think of a visit from the mob, it was probably like that)
Throughout her life, she has never been able to provide for her kids, never kept a job, has no skills because the double standard of accountability never forced her to be anything more than entitled. Now my parents are semi retired, my dad still works to support her and her three kids (Who were raised mostly by my parents)
Last time my dad visited, he mentioned that he was so sick of the situation in life with her. My response was, "well, you made her"
I am glad to have her out of my life. I do not have a daughter nor do I want one. But I hold my kids accountable for their actions, and yet somehow, I raise confident well balanced kids that my parents never did.
We had a different double standard. My parents seemed to think that discipline or punishment of my sister was somehow cruel. As a result, she was stealing by the time she could walk. She stole anything from anyone she could get her hands on. And throughout my life, this was an ongoing problem. But never once am I aware that my parents ever said or did anything to her about it !
Once, when she was about 17, she was caught by my brother stealing money out of his bedroom. He got angry and proceeded to beat the snot out of her. And my parents got mad at HIM for hurting her, but never said anything about what she was doing. They seemed to think it was OK for her to steal from others. Even though my mom was a religious addict, the commandment about "Thou shall not steal" did not apply to my sister. There was a double standard. My brother and I would have caught hail if we had stolen from her, them, or anyone else.
She also had a severe eating disorder. She weighed over 300 lbs when she finished high school. BUT They thought it was cruel to tell her not to eat or limit food from her if she was hungry. There were times I went to bed hungry, and they did not care. I did not go to bed hungry because we were poor, I went to bed because she ate so much. We had empty cabinets and empty pantries. I would find her eating things like raw flour and raw pasta when everything else was gone.
I promise, my brother and I were NOT raised that way.
When she finished high school (a private by a diploma type place for troubled youth) She got a job at a store in the mall and was promptly fired for stealing merchandise. My father's result was to show up at the store with his attorney and threatened (Intimidated) the store manager into writing her a letter of recommendation and promising in writing never to report anything to anyone about this. (Think of a visit from the mob, it was probably like that)
Throughout her life, she has never been able to provide for her kids, never kept a job, has no skills because the double standard of accountability never forced her to be anything more than entitled. Now my parents are semi retired, my dad still works to support her and her three kids (Who were raised mostly by my parents)
Last time my dad visited, he mentioned that he was so sick of the situation in life with her. My response was, "well, you made her"
I am glad to have her out of my life. I do not have a daughter nor do I want one. But I hold my kids accountable for their actions, and yet somehow, I raise confident well balanced kids that my parents never did.
Wow! What a horrible story. Your parents really made an error in not making your sister accountable for her actions. It is even sadder that it took them decades to admit that what they did was wrong.
I wonder what will happen to your sister and her three children when your parents pass away? I wouldn't be surprised if she expects her brothers to start paying her expenses the same way that she expects her father to now.
There are different standards because women are a lot more likely than men to be victims, to be attacked, raped, etc. They're viewed as potential victims by male criminals, whether sexually or just as easier targets. When was the last time you heard of an guy getting date raped? And in a convenience store, a potential robber might think twice about attacking another man behind the counter, but figure a woman is a easy shot.
Young men are more likely to be victims of assault though and robbers usually aren't looking to rape someone.
As for double standards. My parents had some, but they weren't too bad. It was mostly things like cooking - when mum was away I was the one in charge of all the cooking despite being the youngest but now I think about it, not sure whether that was because they put in me in charge or because I volunteered because I always liked cooking. My older brothers cooked sometimes because they wanted to (one did a catering course and liked to practice at home).
As for safety, they would always say to me that it was more dangerous for me to be out at night because I'm a girl, and I would pull up all the statistics that show its young men that are more at risk of violent crime than young women. I don't think it convinced them but they didn't set me different rules to my brothers (and in a way they were more lax with me because I was the youngest so by the time I was going out they had seen it all before and weren't so worried any more)
Yes, double standards are common. No, they are not always wrong. Even the U.S. Marine Corps recognizes gender differences recently pushed back the date for women to be held to the same physical fitness standard as men.
If a son reacts to rules as challenges to be broken and a daughter accepts them as being for her protection, does it even make sense to try to hold both to the same standard?
Yes, double standards are common. No, they are not always wrong. Even the U.S. Marine Corps recognizes gender differences recently pushed back the date for women to be held to the same physical fitness standard as men.
If a son reacts to rules as challenges to be broken and a daughter accepts them as being for her protection, does it even make sense to try to hold both to the same standard?
Eh? Pretty sure most teenagers, male or female, view rules as challenges to be broken rather than just blindly accepting them as being for their protection. I certainly broke the rules a lot as did many other girls I knew, just as much as the boys did.
I've never understood that. I don't know anybody who had these double standards, but I've heard of them. What I hate is the double standard now that I'm an adult, that somehow it's my responsibility to maintain a relationship with male family members, especially my brother. It's apparently my fault if we don't talk.
Young men are more likely to be victims of assault though
I don't know about this. I think men are most likely to be assaulted in targeted scenarios like gangs, fights, etc.
There's also more of a risk for women being date raped, getting in a car with someone they don't know well, being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery (I know, not common but it does happen). Lots of scenarios that wouldn't necessarily happen to a guy or at least, like I said, the criminal may think twice before taking the risk.
I've never understood that. I don't know anybody who had these double standards, but I've heard of them. What I hate is the double standard now that I'm an adult, that somehow it's my responsibility to maintain a relationship with male family members, especially my brother. It's apparently my fault if we don't talk.
you missed the memo that women are suppose to be the caregivers and domesticators?? to remember the birthdays, and other little things, while men can be forgetful, inconsiderate slobs??
you bring up a great point,,,that even in houses where girls are taught to be independent, still, their are old gender bias's (some of this may be because they expect more out of you than your brother, not because you are a girl, but because he's quite the social misfit, or you make it look easy )
some old gender bias's are perpetuated far more by other women, than by men... say you visited a married family member, a brother or cousin and the house was a mess, or she -let herself go-the wife usually takes the hit,,,, or she doesnt cook,,,most food comes out of a package.. or the kids are a mess..some women can be very judgemental towards others,,,even tho they themselves, know how bad it can hurt.
Yes, double standards are common. No, they are not always wrong.
Yes, they are always wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonesuch
Even the U.S. Marine Corps recognizes gender differences recently pushed back the date for women to be held to the same physical fitness standard as men.
Read this article. This Marine believes women should be held to the same physical standards. She holds the Marines responsible for women's inability to do so because they don't receive the same physical training as men. What's really pathetic because until she wrote that opinion article, the Marines allowed men a second chance at passing the infantry officer course, but women only had one shot. That alone indicates that the Marines is the last institution anyone should be upholding as an example to justify double standards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonesuch
If a son reacts to rules as challenges to be broken and a daughter accepts them as being for her protection, does it even make sense to try to hold both to the same standard?
Does that mean that parents should only extend the same standards to daughters who are rebellious? Or should daughters be oppressed even more until they are properly conditioned to accept their place in society? It all comes down to conditioning. Basically you're saying it's okay if you brainwash daughters to believe in double standards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
I don't know about this. I think men are most likely to be assaulted in targeted scenarios like gangs, fights, etc.
Statistics prove otherwise. 64% of robbery and mugging victims are male.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
There's also more of a risk for women being date raped, getting in a car with someone they don't know well, being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery (I know, not common but it does happen). Lots of scenarios that wouldn't necessarily happen to a guy or at least, like I said, the criminal may think twice before taking the risk.
How exactly do double standards protect women from date rape? Unless the parents forbid daughters from ever dating, they will be at risk of being date raped because they were conditioned to be victims and expect men to protect them. This won't change until parents realize they are putting their daughters at greater risk by teaching them that they are helpless victims incapable of ensuring their own safety.
I don't know about this. I think men are most likely to be assaulted in targeted scenarios like gangs, fights, etc.
There's also more of a risk for women being date raped, getting in a car with someone they don't know well, being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery (I know, not common but it does happen). Lots of scenarios that wouldn't necessarily happen to a guy or at least, like I said, the criminal may think twice before taking the risk.
It is statistically true.
Teach women to be independent then, to make their own way to dates instead of relying on their date to drive them, teach them to lessen their risks rather than teach them that they need protecting and should stay home.
Last edited by Jaded; 05-01-2014 at 12:03 AM..
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