Daycare Troubles (day care, baby, toddler, pregnancy)
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I run a daycare and have a 2 1/2 yr girl, been with me since she was 10 months. I just had a 1 yr boy start back in January. She just goes crazy throwing toys throwing the pillows off the couch, screaming and crying when he comes in the room. She cries at the table and won't eat. Outside she runs. hides and cries. I tried alot of things and even resorted to smarties. If she was to help with a task, like help me change him or if she could sit at the table and eat with him, she would get two smarties. That worked for one day. This has gone on from day one and still going strong. It is hard on the rest of the kids as well as myself. I talked to the parents and they run into the same thing when they are out with her. So its not just one little one its any that come near her. She is an only child but not for long as mom is expecting a baby boy at the end of June. This could be interesting. Any advice!
You should be more specific about the things you've tried instead of saying a lot of things. Are you putting her in time out when she throws things? Are you completely ignoring her when she has a screaming tantrum? Have you left her alone when she hides outside (while keeping an eye on her for safety)? You don't want to reward attention-seeking-drama-queen-manipulation-behavior. If you can't/won't do that, I'd weed her form the pack and tell her parents they need to find alternative daycare solution. You risk losing all of your other kids because most parents don't want their children in the type of environment you're describing as lasting for months.
First.....is she verbal? If not, that needs to be the focus so she can put into words what she is feeling instead of using her actions. If she is verbal, then she needs to be taught what words to use and when, again to prevent the undesired actions. She needs to learn to express that she is angry, afraid, sad, hungry, tired etc. You will have to model these things yourself and point out when the little boy is feeling these things then verbalize what can be done to make it better. (ex. oh, he's yawning, that means he is getting tired so it must be almost time for a nap so he can rest and get his energy back) You can sing the If you're happy and you know it song, but add in as many other emotions as you can. Read books that focus on the emotions/feelings she may be having. Anything you can do that will show her the words to associate with what she is experiencing will help get her past being physical.
Second...until she is communicating instead of acting/reacting, give your attention to whatever was on the receiving end of her behavior. If she throws a toy/pillow, retrieve it, cuddle it apologize that it wasn't treated right and put it up where it will be 'safe'. Ignore her completely while doing this. Afterward say things like I am so sorry that poor toy/pillow had to be put away, but I have to keep it safe.
If she hurts the boy, have her give HIM attention. She can use a wipe to wash his hurt, put on a bandaid and ask if he is ok. All other attention goes to the boy hugging him, telling him you are so sorry he got hurt and is he ok. Keep him close to you and send her to play with something else. You make sure to sit with him at lunch and model proper behavior and let her sit off by herself if she isn't being nice at lunch.
Third....provide her a safe place where she can take out that angry, scared, sad or whatever feelings instead of random things. Get a giant floor pillow that she can hit and stomp on and put it where she can get to it easily. Locate a large box she can hide in and place it where the boy can't get to it. Designate a safe spot where she can go sit to cry and send her there every time she starts-like a beanbag chair with a basket of books and box of tissues.
Be firm about your expectations with her, teach her the desired behaviors, model them yourself and give it at least 2-3 weeks. If there is progress, then you know to keep going. If there is no progress at all, then you may consider asking them to take her in to her doc and detail to him/her what the behavior has been like and ask for guidance. If they are unwilling to go that route and there is no progress, then it would be time to terminate their care. Simply put, it has become a situation that no longer works for you.
I will certainly try everything you suggested, with hope that something works. She is very smart and can talk up a storm like no other 2yr old I ever had. Thankyou
Does she behave this way only with that one boy at your day care? Does she behave allright with the other children in your daycare? Do you have other boys in day care that don't upset her?
If she's only that way with this one boy in your daycare, than what is it about him that sets her off?
The parents said she does this with children outside of your daycare? Is it only boys that set her off? Only children of a certain age?
She could also be acting out because mom is pregnant. Hypercore has some good things to try.
Yes I think maybe she's very aware she is going to have her whole life at home turned upside down. Maybe the parents talk about the new baby to her and she already fears or resents that. Or maybe the new baby has her mother too fatigued to play with her, or pregnancy hormones are making mom less tolerant.
Also there are children who just can't handle the noise of other children, they do fine when everything is quiet and peaceful but they become stressed and will melt down.
I would try to get in a quiet corner, or room where she can play alone, don't let the other kids bother her too much.
First.....is she verbal? If not, that needs to be the focus so she can put into words what she is feeling instead of using her actions. If she is verbal, then she needs to be taught what words to use and when, again to prevent the undesired actions. She needs to learn to express that she is angry, afraid, sad, hungry, tired etc. You will have to model these things yourself and point out when the little boy is feeling these things then verbalize what can be done to make it better. (ex. oh, he's yawning, that means he is getting tired so it must be almost time for a nap so he can rest and get his energy back) You can sing the If you're happy and you know it song, but add in as many other emotions as you can. Read books that focus on the emotions/feelings she may be having. Anything you can do that will show her the words to associate with what she is experiencing will help get her past being physical.
Second...until she is communicating instead of acting/reacting, give your attention to whatever was on the receiving end of her behavior. If she throws a toy/pillow, retrieve it, cuddle it apologize that it wasn't treated right and put it up where it will be 'safe'. Ignore her completely while doing this. Afterward say things like I am so sorry that poor toy/pillow had to be put away, but I have to keep it safe.
If she hurts the boy, have her give HIM attention. She can use a wipe to wash his hurt, put on a bandaid and ask if he is ok. All other attention goes to the boy hugging him, telling him you are so sorry he got hurt and is he ok. Keep him close to you and send her to play with something else. You make sure to sit with him at lunch and model proper behavior and let her sit off by herself if she isn't being nice at lunch.
Third....provide her a safe place where she can take out that angry, scared, sad or whatever feelings instead of random things. Get a giant floor pillow that she can hit and stomp on and put it where she can get to it easily. Locate a large box she can hide in and place it where the boy can't get to it. Designate a safe spot where she can go sit to cry and send her there every time she starts-like a beanbag chair with a basket of books and box of tissues.
Be firm about your expectations with her, teach her the desired behaviors, model them yourself and give it at least 2-3 weeks. If there is progress, then you know to keep going. If there is no progress at all, then you may consider asking them to take her in to her doc and detail to him/her what the behavior has been like and ask for guidance. If they are unwilling to go that route and there is no progress, then it would be time to terminate their care. Simply put, it has become a situation that no longer works for you.
All of these are fantastic suggestions.
She's at an age where discipline, actions and reactions are super important.
Consistency is key. I've been told and it's proved to be true, that doing nothing is easier than correcting a toddler. While it may be easier, it's not better for them. The parents need to get on board as well. Please talk with them about what you try and what works and doesn't.
She could also be acting out because mom is pregnant. Hypercore has some good things to try.
I agree with both points.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
Yes I think maybe she's very aware she is going to have her whole life at home turned upside down. Maybe the parents talk about the new baby to her and she already fears or resents that. Or maybe the new baby has her mother too fatigued to play with her, or pregnancy hormones are making mom less tolerant.
Also there are children who just can't handle the noise of other children, they do fine when everything is quiet and peaceful but they become stressed and will melt down.
I would try to get in a quiet corner, or room where she can play alone, don't let the other kids bother her too much.
I have seen some families where they go so overboard because of a new baby that the first child/children are completely lost. I think that around 2 1/2 is an especially difficult age if that happens. Children younger (perhaps 1 or 1 1/2) won't notice Grandma and others bringing gift after gift after gift for the new baby and nothing for them. Children a little older (perhaps 4) are old enough to understand a little more that they are getting older and are willing to share their toys & parents more with a new baby.
She may resent the new "baby" that you are now caring for because of all the attention placed on the "new baby" coming soon to her house.
Good luck to you. If she really doesn't settle down after you try some of the suggestions for a few weeks you may have to decide if you can continue caring for her (as the other families may take their children out of your care). If you were planning on watching both her and the baby you may want to wait and see how that works out. It may be fine but it she may get worse having not only to share Mom & Dad but to share her beloved babysitter with the new baby, too.
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