Tips for moving cross country with a 3 yr old (day care, baby, toddler)
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This is my first time posting in this particular forum....
I've recently accepted a new position, after 8 months of unemployment, that will require relocating my family from the Midwest to the NY/ CT area. My job is extremely specialized so I have to go where the jobs are. It's a great job, a wonderful opportunity, but will take us away from all of our family & friends.
I'll be moving first in July to start the job, and then my husband & 3 yr old son will follow 1-2 months later after husband wraps things up with his job and our house.
I have no idea how to explain to my son that we are moving. He is close to his Aunt, who lives in the same city as we do, and is starting to make friends at his daycare. I know kids are resilient at this age and it's a good time to move since he's not in school yet, but I just have no idea how to explain it to him in a way that will make sense to him. We started by getting some preschool books, "We're Moving!" and all that but he just doesn't understand that we'll be living in a new house, and he won't see his Auntie Lisa every other weekend any longer, or his BFF from daycare.
Anyone deal with this before? Words of advice are welcome!
#2, related question-- we want to move him from his crib/toddler bed to a big boy bed. Doesn't seem to make sense to move the crib and then transition him there. My opinion is to transition him NOW to a big boy bed so he feels comfortable, and will then have "his" bed when he moves, vs. moving to a new house AND a new bed at the same time. Thoughts on this?
Will he see his mother during those couple of months -- because it seems that first he has to adjust to losing one parent which could be harder on him than an aunt he saw every other weekend. Will he be able to visit his aunt every month or so?
We moved when my son was 3. He was just starting to make friends at day care too, and was close to his grand parents. We talked enthusiastically about the move. We had to wait for several months for our house to sell, so we had a long time to talk it up. He has no memory of his day care friend. It was the perfect age to start preschool in the new place. He'll be fine.
malamute, I'm his mom, so he'll see me only on Skype from mid-July to Sep 1. I can't afford to continually fly back during that time period. He will spend lots of extra time with his Auntie while I'm away, and of course my husband.
Kibbiekat, it sounds like we need to start talking it up, stat. It just got finalized this past week so we haven't mentioned it at all. He'll continue to be in daycare of course while I'm going so hubby can work, so I'll be advising them about the change soon too.
In a similar situation, I sold the crib and put the big boy mattresses on the floor of the old house for a few weeks. The new bed was all set up in the new house. He thought we were camping, which was fun for him.
I am concerned about you not seeing your son for 6 weeks after you move. I hope you can at least fly in once to visit him about halfway through (or, better yet, have him come visit you and see where he will be living). At three years old, after 2 weeks of not seeing me (when he is at his dad's house), my son was inconsolable. Even at 5, after about 10 days he calls me every day and asks me to come and get him.
In a similar situation, I sold the crib and put the big boy mattresses on the floor of the old house for a few weeks. The new bed was all set up in the new house. He thought we were camping, which was fun for him.
I am concerned about you not seeing your son for 6 weeks after you move.(?? why?) I hope you can at least fly in once to visit him about halfway through (or, better yet, have him come visit you and see where he will be living). At three years old, after 2 weeks of not seeing me (when he is at his dad's house), my son was inconsolable. Even at 5, after about 10 days he calls me every day and asks me to come and get him.
I had to be separated from my 3 year old for a year. I was more upset about it than she was. I was only able to visit once every other month. She did fine because her Father took great care of her and I spoke with her every day.
The biggest piece of advice is to keep it positive when you do speak on Skype. Once they get a whiff of you being negative or upset, then in turn they get upset. I mean 3 is young, they don't have the comprehension of what all of this means so doing a lot of talking and prep work about the upcoming move is probably not going to have the effect that you think it will.
As a military family, we've moved pretty consistently since my kids were born, so I've always taken the viewpoint that keeping it positive, that "this is a great adventure and we are going to have so much fun learning about a new place!" helps keep them engaged and reinforces that this is a positive thing.
As to the big boy bed, absolutely move him now. It's simple things like this that can and will throw a little one into a curve.
And honestly, we can all give you random advice based upon what worked for us, but you and your husband know what's best for YOUR child. I'm sure it will go well! Congrats and good luck on the new job!!
Kids younger than 6 may be the easiest to move, as they have a limited capacity to understand the changes involved. Still, your guidance is crucial.
Here are ways to ease the transition for young kids:
Keep explanations clear and simple.
Use a story to explain the move, or use toy trucks and furniture to act it out.
When you pack your toddler's toys in boxes, make sure to explain that you aren't throwing them away.
If your new home is nearby and vacant, go there to visit before the move and take a few toys over each time.
Hold off on getting rid of your child's old bedroom furniture, which may provide a sense of comfort in the new house. It might even be a good idea to arrange furniture in a similar way in the new bedroom.
Avoid making other big changes during the move, like toilet training or advancing a toddler to a bed from a crib.
Arrange for your toddler or preschooler to stay with a babysitter on moving day.
My father was transferred often. Just in the years before school, I was 1, 3 and 5 years old. My parents simply told us our father was transferred, and we were moving. Since our parents approached this as a matter-of-fact way of life, these transitions were effortless for us as children. We would go a few months without our father around----he'd move ahead until the new house was built or my mother would stay behind until the old one sold. Once we lived in a motel together for a few months. Another time we went to stay at our grandparent's house out of state while our parents prepared our new home.
The most important thing is to stick to the same family routines once you're in your new home. That's going to be the hardest part about your move. Since you have been unemployed, your child is used to the routine of you being around during the day. After you move, that daily routine can't be replicated because you will be working. Focus on figuring out how you will handle that aspect of the move because that's the thing that will impact your child the most. Find fun things to do in your new area even if it's just going to a park to swing on the swings after you get home from work.
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