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We have many regular posters here who had absent father and many more who are now raising their own children without a father really in the picture.
I was surprised to find there is a website about absent fathers and of course many have ridiculous excuses like "I wasn't the man I wanted to be for my children so I left until I knew myself better".
Do you think this sort of situation is passed from generation to generation? If a boy grows up without a father is he more inclined to do the same thing. Same for teenaged mothers and unwed mothers. My experience shows this to be so true. And the mother who got pregnant at 18, maybe married the father and divorced at 20 always acts surprised when that daughter grows up to do the same thing.
This is a heartbreakingly honest story about a man who had an absent father.
We have many regular posters here who had absent father and many more who are now raising their own children without a father really in the picture.
I was surprised to find there is a website about absent fathers and of course many have ridiculous excuses like "I wasn't the man I wanted to be for my children so I left until I knew myself better".
Do you think this sort of situation is passed from generation to generation? If a boy grows up without a father is he more inclined to do the same thing. Same for teenaged mothers and unwed mothers. My experience shows this to be so true. And the mother who got pregnant at 18, maybe married the father and divorced at 20 always acts surprised when that daughter grows up to do the same thing.
This is a heartbreakingly honest story about a man who had an absent father.
I don't think so. I'm a woman with an absent father (or, more accurately, without a father present). My half sister also had no father present. My father was the flaky here today/gone tomorrow/gone next week/I swear I love you dad. My sister's dad just dumped her from birth. I believe both types of fathers are just plain jerks. If a guy is man enough to make a baby, he should be man enough to be a part of the child's life, cradle to grave. The same goes for mothers, too.
My parents were in their 30s when they had me, the eldest child. This was the 70s, most parents were much younger. My parents divorced buy my father was always in my life, even when he moved to the other side of the world.
I was married at 19, had my daughter at 21, deliberately. She has decided to not even be in a serious relationship due to grad school concerns, so I bet she will be another 30 something mother.
The notion that these things; marriage/divorce, presence of father, age of parenthood, and so on, are somehow no more or less than preordained by what happened before has not been my experience at all.
In my case, I think not having a father did lead to me making bad decisions that left my dd without a father also. Growing up, I never got to what a real, decent man should be like and how he should treat his wife and children. I heard about what a great guy my father was, but never got to experience it myself. I had to learn by trial and error...which caused a lot of errors! All I can do is hope the cycle doesn't repeat itself once again.
I grew up with no real father figure although my mom was married 3x. I got married at 17 and just celebrated 29 years with my hubby. We have 4 kids none are married but 2 of them have kids and live with their respective partners. I don't see any of my kids getting married.
We have many regular posters here who had absent father and many more who are now raising their own children without a father really in the picture.
I was surprised to find there is a website about absent fathers and of course many have ridiculous excuses like "I wasn't the man I wanted to be for my children so I left until I knew myself better".
Do you think this sort of situation is passed from generation to generation? If a boy grows up without a father is he more inclined to do the same thing. Same for teenaged mothers and unwed mothers. My experience shows this to be so true. And the mother who got pregnant at 18, maybe married the father and divorced at 20 always acts surprised when that daughter grows up to do the same thing.
This is a heartbreakingly honest story about a man who had an absent father.
Absolutely. Numerous studies have demonstrated that this is so. Of course, the key phrase is 'more inclined'. This means that of, say, 10,000 male children of absent fathers compared to 10,000 male children of present fathers, more of the former group will themselves grow up to be absent fathers (and exhibit various other deleterious parental traits) than those in the latter group. This does not claim that all male children of absent fathers will be poor fathers, or that no male children of present fathers will themselves be absent fathers. So those who think one case (such as themselves) that runs counter to the trend disproves the trend clearly don't understand the concept of trends.
My own father was absent. This was probably for the best. Of course, that doesn't change the fact that I would have been better off with a properly-engaged father than without one - I was just probably better off without the particular one who sired me.
My father himself once articulated to me that his own father was to blame for him - my father - not being a proper parental figure (apparently, the perceived problem was emotional - my grandfather was certainly a present father). This, of course, is merely excusing his own failures. Regardless of trends, individuals can be who they are, and they can be better than their parents.
I was an accidental pregnancy. Personally, I never had sex without carefully using birth control until I was ready to be a parent and married to a woman who was also ready to be a parent. My own complete lack of paternal input from my father was never an excuse for anything for me. I set the standards of being a parent for myself as to what was right and what my children needed, not by the low bar of my father.
The fact that trends are real does not absolve those with inadequate upbringings of the responsibility to be proper and providing parents.
Do you think this sort of situation is passed from generation to generation? If a boy grows up without a father is he more inclined to do the same thing.
Only if he is a selfish pig. It's entirely a choice.
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