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Parents of children exposed to drug use at the age of 4 are not typically on City-Data asking for advice on how to handle the situation the OP is dealing with.
She wanted to twirl matches like the entertainers that she watched. Everyone thinks that's a bad thing because she is 4 years old. However, you said yourself that there were children there who were 12 years old working in the show. Maybe the best way to handle it is to see if your daughter can talk with the performers from the show. They can explain to her that what she sees can actually be dangerous and why. I think she will listen to them because this is her passion of the moment: she wants to be a fire twirler. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a fire twirler, but she is too young and could harm herself.
Additionally, if you emphasize that she should not use matches because they are dangerous, then unless you absolutely need them, get rid of them. She will have some resentment and confusion that you can light them when you want to, but she cannot. And you want her not to light them at all for the time being, so why dangle the carrot.
I guess thinking on parenting has changed since I raised children. But in our house there were certain things that adults could have and do that children couldn't have or do. If that made them resentful or confused I must have missed it. If so, we all turned out friends eventually.
To me it just seems like a way of setting a very clear boundary with a child about who the parent is and who the child is. And it also teaches them that there are skills and qualities that need to be acquired before they enter the realm of grownups.
This suggestion would probably really frighten some readers here. I raised my kids to have good imaginations. So if they wanted to be fire twirlers we would have gotten ahold of some dowels or sticks and attached some red and orange crepe paper to the ends and gone to the beach and I'd have said, "Twirl away, my little ones."
Would that idea, or letting them "drive the car" in a cardboard box with wheels drawn on it (for instance) have prevented them from trying to use things they shouldn't have forever more? No, didn't work that way in spite of the careful explanations of danger. There are going to be accidents somewhere along the line. Watchful (and lucky) parents avoid the disastrous ones.
And I think getting to talk to the performers would be a really fun and enlightening experience for her. Good idea.
Has your daughter been doing any drugs (cocaine, heroin) that would give her thoughts of committing arson? Can't believe no one brought this up yet.
I can't believe someone (ahem... you) even brought it up. Such an odd perception.
Children are natural apers. They don't need drugs to be arsonists, and should a house burn down they wouldn't even be labeled as such... As it would be generally accepted that it's accidental. OP's daughter just need to understand that it's dangerous and perhaps the OP should take her daughter to the firemen as they are natural pros at engaging and teaching with the kids.
yes you can.
better to have a matchless home than a burnt home.
I would really have a stern talking with her and make sure this never ever happens again, and that she " gets the message" and if not, she will get the beating of a life time.
fire, sorry, no joke.
WOW...
NEVER use a match?? You are going to damage your child with that type of discipline..
My kids were intrigued by matches when they were young.. I taught them how to use them properly. Now they are young teens and I don't seem to have a problem with them using matches..
My son lit off every firework this year for the 4th. He did a great job. He was very careful.
I raised my kids to have good imaginations. So if they wanted to be fire twirlers we would have gotten ahold of some dowels or sticks and attached some red and orange crepe paper to the ends and gone to the beach and I'd have said, "Twirl away, my little ones."
And I think getting to talk to the performers would be a really fun and enlightening experience for her. Good idea.
My 4 year old and I would sit on the back steps with a box of kitchen matches and he would strike them. It would last awhile and he knew next time he wanted to do same to come tell me and that's what we would do. It was also opportunity for him to learn how much a burn hurts if he were to catch himself or others on fire or if a house burned down.
Yesterday morning, as I hopped out of the shower I smelled smoke. Ran downstairs (I had put on a show for her before stepping into the shower) and there she was in the middle of the living room with a lit fireplace match (the long kind of wooden matches) attempting to twirl it. There was a small stack of already burned matches on the coffee table.
I pretty much freaked out and so did she. I was so frightened by what could have happened that I was a bit hysterical and she seemed so frightened by my reaction that she sobbed pretty uncontrollably for a bit. After we both calmed down, I put two and two together.
So, we just got back from three weeks in Hawaii. While we were there, we saw fire twirlers nearly everyday on the beaches at night. My daughter was fascinated by them, and I didn't see the harm in letting her watch. Free entertainment and all that. She was actually very upset that he never picked her as the audience volunteer!
I'm a little perplexed as to what to do at this point - she just turned four. Obviously, some (alot!) of the blame is mine. I don't generally leave her unattended in the house, but my husband is still in Hawaii and I thought I could get a quick shower in. Our fireplace is gas - the matches were in a cabinet about five foot off the floor (she had to move a counter height stool from the kitchen to get to them). I didn't realize she even knew they were up there - I myself had totally forgotten about them.
I'm worried that she still doesn't get how dangerous fire can be and of course, she didn't understand why is isn't okay to play with fire when she watched people doing it everyday for weeks! Some of the fire twirlers we saw were kids (maybe 12 or so?)
My husband is still in Hawaii (working there for the summer) and we only flew home for a few days to take care of somethings - we fly back there next week and will be staying til mid August.
What should you do? Make SURE she can't get the fireplace matches. You freaked out and showed her that there were negative consequences to playing with "the NO NO'S!" If she was sobbing uncontrollably, well...your reaction of TERROR (well justified), will probably stick with her for a good, long while.
If your child is 4 years old, you darn sure should be able to leave her alone while you take a shower, for goodness sake You just have to remember to set them up with a snack and program or something, before you take your shower.
Has your daughter been doing any drugs (cocaine, heroin) that would give her thoughts of committing arson? Can't believe no one brought this up yet.
Because a child, who just turned 4, is likely to be using drugs that would give her thoughts of committing arson? Wow.....times HAVE changed!
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I can't believe someone (ahem... you) even brought it up. Such an odd perception. 
