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My husband didn't help with the kids at all when they were little. Once they were out of the messy years, he was less intimidated by the idea of doing anything with them. But there were years when I felt like I had no break the entire time, not even to take a shower or go to the bathroom by myself. My husband thought since I was a SAHM, every day was my day off. In reality, no day was ever my day off.
Since you're willing to help with your kids, intervene when you see unwise behavior. You don't have to tell your wife something directly. If you see your older child pushing the stroller in a dangerous way, tell him to slow down. If the baby is on the bed and you think he'll fall, take him off the bed. You shouldn't be witnessing all these little accidents and not saying anything or doing anything. You're the parent also, and you're right there while it's happening. It's just as much your job to intervene as it is hers. If your wife is really aware that she's lacking in this area, then seeing the times you choose to intervene will help her learn which situations need her attention.
Also, offer to watch the kids while your wife has a little time to herself now and then. We all need some downtime.
This is really good advice here. As parents, it really is a team effort. My husband and I both did some boneheaded stuff over the years with the kids. Fortunately we monitored the big things and aside from bumps and scrapes, nothing too bad. We had one memorable trip to the ER when my daughter was pulling my son, who was laughing, around by his arm. Pop. Nursemaid elbow. I was mortified. I remember shortly after adopting our son, I put him in a shopping cart and was taking him around a store. One of the employees came over, gave me a big smile, told me how cute he was and buckled the seat belt. Taught me a lesson in a non confrontational way. If the OP is witnessing things first hand, by all means jump in and intervene. The OP's wife seems to be a good mom, willing to learn and that is half the battle.
As other have said, you should be child proofing your house if at all possible. It makes it easier on you. Put chemicals in high places, install easy door locks, etc. We inherited some nice toddler proof safely barriers so my young son was penned in as a young one, lol. It gave me some time to cook, clean but I could still see him. We did as much as we could do to child proof the house but tried not to go overboard like another family we knew. It really helped to cut down on accidents and may increase the OP's comfort level. Maybe come up with a mutual checklist for the house. I have my mental checklists when I leave the house. Perhaps write things down if your wife is prone to forgetting.
I wish the OP and his wife the best of luck. I'm sure it will work out! And OP, please disregard some of the comment vilifying your wife. I think with work and positive attitudes, things will work out.
I'm still waiting for the OP to tell us where he was when all of this was going on. If he doesn't answer that question, it tells me a lot.
I'm guessing that since his wife is a SAHM, he was working.
None of us are perfect. I'm sure that all of us who have raised kids can look back and think of a few times where we should have been more attentive. However, from reading the OP's first post, it sounds like his wife is extremely inattentive and isn't learning from her mistakes.
Yes, when he isn't working, he could give her a break from the kids. However, since he is working full-time, there is only so much that he can do.
I'm guessing that since his wife is a SAHM, he was working.
None of us are perfect. I'm sure that all of us who have raised kids can look back and think of a few times where we should have been more attentive. However, from reading the OP's first post, it sounds like his wife is extremely inattentive and isn't learning from her mistakes.
Yes, when he isn't working, he could give her a break from the kids. However, since he is working full-time, there is only so much that he can do.
absolutely.
Someone else pointed out that he was home on the computer when the kid fell off the bed. I'm mostly wondering how he knows about her letting the other kid push the stroller "way too fast," thus running it into a fence if he wasn't there to see it. And if he was there to see it, why didn't he stop the kid himself?
Someone else pointed out that he was home on the computer when the kid fell off the bed. I'm mostly wondering how he knows about her letting the other kid push the stroller "way too fast," thus running it into a fence if he wasn't there to see it. And if he was there to see it, why didn't he stop the kid himself?
^Good point.
It's possible that she told him about how the older child pushed the stroller "way too fast" (the fact that he quoted this makes me think that his wife relayed the story to him) when she explained the toddler's injury to him. If that's the case, I'm wondering how she could be so cavalier about it.
Perhaps, when he was on the computer, he thought that his wife was watching the kids. That wasn't made clear.
Not everyone is good at everything. You've "dropped the ball" and so has she so I'm not sure there is a real problem here, just the worry of a potential problem. Kids seem to survive less than perfect parenting all the time.
I was a SAHM and there were still things that happened and I'm not beating myself up over it. It was kind of a joke too that whenever I'd leave the kids in my husbands care the first thing I would hear when I got back was "I don't know how it happened but....".
Unless your wife is mentally ill or purposely trying to get the kids to hurt themselves you shouldn't overthink this.
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