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This says more about the situation than anything has so far.
He refuses to "lose?" Do you honestly think of family relations as contests of wills where there are clear winners and losers? No wonder he's mouthing off to you. Don't you know that a young man of his age HAS TO establish independence from his mommy? I'm guessing that you've tried to block him from doing so -- the fact that you tried to "block the news" from him indicates as much.
You keep asking strangers on the Internet what to do. Here's what to do -- don't "make" your son see a therapist. Go see one yourself.
In your place, I'd make plans to send him to college out of state to get him away from the family for his own good.
I think it's about you. You've got a kid who works, does well in school, is liked and respected by his peers, yet you tried to control his access to news and complain that he might have been corrupted by a biology class.
It really sounds to me like you tried to stop your little boy from growing up, and when you couldn't stop nature from taking its course, you tried to blame everyone and everything else. Of course he's acting out by pushing your buttons.
I think it's about you. You've got a kid who works, does well in school, is liked and respected by his peers, yet you tried to control his access to news and complain that he might have been corrupted by a biology class.
It really sounds to me like you tried to stop your little boy from growing up, and when you couldn't stop nature from taking its course, you tried to blame everyone and everything else. Of course he's acting out by pushing your buttons.
Since her parents are religious and her brother turned out similarly to her son, I suspect her parents raised their children similar to how the OP is trying to raise her son---via trying to isolate them from the world and force their beliefs. The OP's brother and son simply rebelled from the family values and attempts at oppression.
I think it's about you. You've got a kid who works, does well in school, is liked and respected by his peers, yet you tried to control his access to news and complain that he might have been corrupted by a biology class.
It really sounds to me like you tried to stop your little boy from growing up, and when you couldn't stop nature from taking its course, you tried to blame everyone and everything else. Of course he's acting out by pushing your buttons.
I'm just shocked by the sheer cruelty of what he says. He wonder why my sister hasn't been divorced yet be cause she failed to do what a wife is supposed to do according to him.
I'm just shocked by the sheer cruelty of what he says. He wonder why my sister hasn't been divorced yet be cause she failed to do what a wife is supposed to do according to him.
That's not biology class talking. It's not about your sister either. It's about how he views women----as mere objects whose purpose after marriage is to produce children. He formed his opinions about women and family at home. Yet you continue to resist suggestions that you change the way you interact with him to prove to him that you believe you have value and worth. I feel sorry for any women he marries.
First of all, it's not a competition. It's not he wins and you lose. You both lose if he becomes a heartless narcissist for the rest of his life.
Second, it sounds as if he needs a serious dose of reality. It's not you quit doing things for him to make you feel better.
You don't have to send him to a therapist to begin instituting William Glasser's Reality Therapy. Basically, he gets to pick what he does, but he doesn't get to pick what other people do, namely you. If he only values people for what they can do for him, let him find out what you do for him by no longer doing it. He shouldn't get positive results from negative actions. THAT is why you quit doing him any favors.
He will probably respond by picking up the slack himself so as not to let you think that he cares. He has to learn that one hand washes the other, and that reciprocity is one of the foundations of human relationships. I agree with others who say that he should move out when he turns 18, as he is so superior that he won't have to depend on you, the stupid housewife, longer than he has to.
Once he understands that your support of him is like the air that he breathes--he won't notice it until it's gone--he may or may not get how people are interdependent. If he doesn't, don't support him in any way, including financially. That's simply masochistic on your part. It also gives him an undesirable emotional payoff when he makes you suffer and gets what he wants anyway.
As the parent of a borderline sociopath who is now in his middle 20s, I see trouble if you cannot speak to him very directly about how he should treat other people. We see progress, but caring about other people and demonstrating basic respect still comes slowly and reluctantly. There is a lot of back-sliding, even so. If nothing else, you should have someone in business talk to him about how users get their come-uppance--Enron, WorldCom, Bernie Madoff, etc. Who knows though, he may see them as role models.
Good luck and keep strong. Your son will feed off what he sees as your weakness. And he may even gloat when he "wins". The people here at City Data are very supportive people with a world of wisdom. I encourage you to think carefully and be proactive. I wish you all the best.
That's not biology class talking. It's not about your sister either. It's about how he views women----as mere objects whose purpose after marriage is to produce children. He formed his opinions about women and family at home. Yet you continue to resist suggestions that you change the way you interact with him to prove to him that you believe you have value and worth. I feel sorry for any women he marries.
Many women are willing to make the trade of kids and sex for a big house and financial security. Marriages that have a business understanding in them probably last longer. How is me cutting him off supposed to change how he views me or women?
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