Are kids opportunistic? (teenager, parent, activity, play)

[arch.stanton]

My daughter always seems to chose whatever person/situation is the most fun and what's in it for her. There doesn't seem to be any loyalty at all. She would sell me out in a second, even though I'm the one who's taken care of her every day since birth.

I'm guessing this is somewhat normal behavior for a child? She's 5, but has pretty much always been that way.

Some might say, well be more fun then. Or, of course everyone will chose what's best for them if given the choice, don't give her the choice.

I guess the human experience has to deepen before we appreciate things for their intrinsic value.

[krmb]

You may need to start listening to her. My mom hardly ever listened to me, and I couldn't clearly communicate to her how frustrated I was. I might have told her it was because she "wasn't fun" or "took life too seriously," but I meant something else. In fact, I really only started to think about why I thought about her the way I did after she died. If you want her to remember you for who you try to be, please make an effort. My mother probably loved me very dearly, but our connection wasn't strong, because she never made effort in the places that count to me; she hardly ever actually slowed down and listened to me. She didn't take time to play with me, bond with me, and show that she valued me. I'm sure she did, but she would have been more significant to me had she shown it more often. Now, that may or may not be your case, but I thought I would let you know.

[BarberryPl]

Yes. Kids are opportunistic. Wait until she's a teenager.

Yes. It is somewhat common for a 5 year old to be attracted to fun things/people over loyalty. Character builds over a lifetime. You have plenty of time to maneuver her behavior in relationships. I'm still guiding my 17 year old regarding interpersonal relationships.

You may want to try to create other expectations so your daughter values you and others more.

I wouldn't say don't give her the choice, I'd say don't give her the expectation.

Do you always do what she asks? Does she always go where you go? Let's say you always take her to the movies/mall/fishing/swimming/etc. She may come to expect you and situations to be at her disposal.

This may be a somewhat unique situation, but if you think about it, it can be very relate-able......

My uncle owns an airplane. Every time he went flying he took his son with him. After a few years, the son (5 -8 years old) became quite bored with my uncle and the activity. He acted like a spoiled brat.

We made the same mistake with our daughter regarding travel. She became "bored" with travel around middle school age. We left her home a couple of times. That helped a lot.

I remember my uncle saying to me "Sometimes, as a parent, you have to say no to things. Even if you don't want to. People become bored with people or things when they get everything they want or if they can have things/people on demand."

Don't worry too much about it. You may want to take her for car rides (or long walks) and talk about friendship, loyalty, etc. Kids are very receptive to conversation on car rides. It's also a great time to build trust and add depth to your relationship.

[skris4]

Originally Posted by BarberryPl

Yes. Kids are opportunistic. Wait until she's a teenager.

Yes. It is somewhat common for a 5 year old to be attracted to fun things/people over loyalty. Character builds over a lifetime. You have plenty of time to maneuver her behavior in relationships. I'm still guiding my 17 year old regarding interpersonal relationships.

You may want to try to create other expectations so your daughter values you and others more.

I wouldn't say don't give her the choice, I'd say don't give her the expectation.

Do you always do what she asks? Does she always go where you go? Let's say you always take her to the movies/mall/fishing/swimming/etc. She may come to expect you and situations to be at her disposal.

This may be a somewhat unique situation, but if you think about it, it can be very relate-able......

My uncle owns an airplane. Every time he went flying he took his son with him. After a few years, the son (5 -8 years old) became quite bored with my uncle and the activity. He acted like a spoiled brat.

We made the same mistake with our daughter regarding travel. She became "bored" with travel around middle school age. We left her home a couple of times. That helped a lot.

I remember my uncle saying to me "Sometimes, as a parent, you have to say no to things. Even if you don't want to. People become bored with people or things when they get everything they want or if they can have things/people on demand."

Don't worry too much about it. You may want to take her for car rides (or long walks) and talk about friendship, loyalty, etc. Kids are very receptive to conversation on car rides. It's also a great time to build trust and add depth to your relationship.

Enjoyed this post and I think you are right on the money about car rides!
OP-> My SIL says the exact same thing as you. I am the fun aunt and my niece loves to hang out with me. Of course, when she gets hurt or wants to sleep, mom or dad are needed!

[shaylahc]

Kids are innately selfish. They aren't there to nurture or protect us, quite the opposite. Kids don't GIVE, kids TAKE. Any adult who is looking to their child for loyalty or nurturing is going to be sadly disappointed. Especially at that age.

Yes kids are opportunistic. Even adults are, but we are taught the "proper" way to approach things. Kids haven't learned that skill yet so they feel free to be greedy and self-serving

[wac_432]

There is nothing so pure and cruel as a child.