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I've posted once on here and got nothing but negative responses and attacks towards me as a step parent. I get that an involved birth parent has different views, but until you are a step parent, you have no idea the crap we go through. We walk on a tight rope. I am so torn it's unreal. I feel like I can't even go to other parents and ask for help.
I am a stepparent and I know how hard it is. But when you're asking for advice, you shouldn't say, "I don't want to hear about how I am the step parent and shouldn't be disciplining the child." To others, that means you already think you know all the answers, so why should anybody bother?
I am a stepparent and I know how hard it is. But when you're asking for advice, you shouldn't say, "I don't want to hear about how I am the step parent and shouldn't be disciplining the child." To others, that means you already think you know all the answers, so why should anybody bother?
This ^^^ combined with the fact that you are not a stepparent until you marry their father.
I think many of us also respond from the viewpoint of biological parents, and how we would want a possible step parent to interact with our kids. I wouldn't want anybody to be a doormat for my boys, but I would also not like a step parent fulfilling the role of the disciplinarian when they were with my ex. I would consider that the role of their father, and hopefully would have enough of a history with him to be comfortable with his methods. All hypothetical though, as I've never been divorced and dealing with it.
I've posted once on here and got nothing but negative responses and attacks towards me as a step parent. I get that an involved birth parent has different views, but until you are a step parent, you have no idea the crap we go through. We walk on a tight rope. I am so torn it's unreal. I feel like I can't even go to other parents and ask for help.
Your the partner of the week......not a step parent.
Even if you were....you can't go in with guns blazing and punish the kids and expect them to walk in lock step to your ways.
Back off until ypu marry the mother...then support her raising HER kids.
I'm going to ignore that people are saying the OP isn't a stepparent (I haven't read previous posts), and I'm going to address only the issue of stepparents and discipline.
I'm married to a stepfather, and I can't imagine living in a household where the stepparent can't discipline. That would create an intolerable atmosphere for the stepparents because they are often sole caregivers to the children when the parent isn't home. How can stepparents or any adults have a young child in their charge for an entire day and not be able to put them in time outs? How can stepparents not send disrespectful belligerent teenagers to their rooms? How can a stepparent enforce the house rules in the absence of the parent?
My husband and I went to step parenting classes and seminars at the very start of our relationship because we wanted to avoid as many errors as possible. They never said stepparents shouldn't discipline children. They said to come to an agreement about rules and discipline and stand undivided. Never overrule your partner. Wait and discuss it privately when the children aren't around. All of this is not just solid parenting advice. It's solid marriage advice.
All of my children's friends who come from divorced families live by very different rules at both of their remarried parents' homes. Every single discipline issue is not addressed by both biological parents. Most things are addressed by the household that has the child when the infraction occurred. Only super big issues bring everyone together for a discipline powwow---like a DUI, skipping school, etc.. The healthiest divorced families are the ones that include both stepparents in those meetings because the stepparents are often left alone to deal with the children in the absence of the parents.
I've posted once on here and got nothing but negative responses and attacks towards me as a step parent. I get that an involved birth parent has different views, but until you are a step parent, you have no idea the crap we go through. We walk on a tight rope. I am so torn it's unreal. I feel like I can't even go to other parents and ask for help.
I am an adult who grew up with a stepparent and later had to parent children who were not mine. I have been there and done that and seen it from all sides.
The reality still is, discipline should be handled by the bio parents first and foremost. That does not mean you have to expect not to be treated with dignity and respect, it just means biomom or biodad or perhaps the better term of the non-stepparent, should be handling the majority of "consequences" (especially major ones) of breaking the family rules. Time and again, experts in child psychology have shown that it is what is best FOR THE CHILD. If you really want to parent, the first step is putting the child's best interest first. If you see that as a personal attack, rather than the statement of fact that it is, you might want to examine why that is.
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I feel like I can't even go to other parents and ask for help.
