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Hi all... this thread doesn't specifically have to be just for the dads, moms can put in their 2 cents as well! Just want to hear how others have reacted or what they thought as soon as this is brought up.
My wife sends an email to me just 20 minutes ago... the subject line says "Just a thought".
The message in the email... "I want to have another baby".
We have an 18-month old daughter who's just wonderful... I know the "plan" has been to have at least 2 kids at minimum. I currently have a career job that I work for making mid $40K per year and she works making roughly $30k per year. I also work a part time gig to just help make ends meet and try and put extra money away when possible.
So my initial reaction is, "wow... I would probably need a third job"! LOL...
Ugh... it's like... as much as I'd love that 2nd child, I'm exhausted from working so much just to make things work now!
How have others fared when this has come up? Just curious...
Tell her you two need to focus on providing a good life and home for your current child. The last thing you want is for your personal life, your marriage, and the attention you give your existing child to all suffer, just because you wanted a second kid too soon.
Being in your children's lives is more important than how much money you make. You're already working a part-time job in addition to your full time job. That means you're not around your current child much. If you think you would need to work more, seriously consider how that will be detrimental. Children need to have their parents in their lives on a regular basis, not just a few hours here and there each week.
Hi all... this thread doesn't specifically have to be just for the dads, moms can put in their 2 cents as well! Just want to hear how others have reacted or what they thought as soon as this is brought up.
My wife sends an email to me just 20 minutes ago... the subject line says "Just a thought".
The message in the email... "I want to have another baby".
We have an 18-month old daughter who's just wonderful... I know the "plan" has been to have at least 2 kids at minimum. I currently have a career job that I work for making mid $40K per year and she works making roughly $30k per year. I also work a part time gig to just help make ends meet and try and put extra money away when possible.
So my initial reaction is, "wow... I would probably need a third job"! LOL...
Ugh... it's like... as much as I'd love that 2nd child, I'm exhausted from working so much just to make things work now!
How have others fared when this has come up? Just curious...
I would have been angry that she emailed me this little morsel of information. This tells me she was being passive-aggressive about the subject because she knows it isn't the right time.
Tell her exactly what you said in your first post. You already have a 2nd job now. It ain't gonna happen. Don't be all mamby-pamby and say, "Maybe later." Some chicks think that means, "Oh he said yes, I won't get pregnant right away, he'll be ready then."
Tell her to wait six months and have the discussion then. It helps financially to spread them out a little so you're only paying for one set of diapers, preschool, etc at a time. And remember that one more kid doesn't double the cost, you already have the baby stuff.
But at the end of the day, it is my opinion that no wins. My husband said no to number three so we have two kids. If you feel strongly (after doing a budget) that you can't afford another child then don't have one.
Our decision was simple. We wanted two kids after marriage so we took care of them right away. My kids are exactly 13 months apart. We have two boys so lots of hand me down. Having 2nd kid doesn't double the cost but it does take a lot of time. You don't need a 3rd job (unless you want to work for free. Take on 3rd job to pay for someone to watch the kids).
Remember, insurance doesn't usually cost more as most are family plan.
I think it's a very odd subject to "discuss" via email. And if you truly are working 2 1/2 jobs between the 2 of you just to make ends meet, I'd wait until that could be done with just 2 jobs. The increased costs are one thing but the time and energy involved when you are already spread pretty thin makes it something I'd think long and hard about. Not to mention that if you are bringing it up here (after being emailed) then it doesn't sound as if either of you is prepared to have an honest discussion about it.
I wish I had one more child!
(However, it's not fair for me telling you that, since when I was in your shoes, I felt same as you). But with the years passing by... Not only that, but now I have more patience for little kids then I had in my 20s...
So I don't know what you should tell your wife. Women aren't rational when it comes to having kids. They are nuts and its hard having a real conversation about that.
If you keep waiting for the right time, it'll never be the right time. Someone told me that once, and it seems true
You're making over $70K in Easton, PA? Do you really NEED that 3rd job to make ends meet, or do you just like the extra money?
Wow I haven't had the time to read through everyone's responses... want to say thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Obviously I'll have that private talk with my wife about the timing... she might be ready for it but I know deep down she has to know it's not the best time. Besides... we currently rent our home and may be forced to either buy it (which we'd like to do) by next summer of move on. So... this time next year we may not be living in the same place so the last thing I want to do is move while she's pregnant or there's an infant involved. We already moved into our current house when she was 7 months pregnant... don't need that again!
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