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A relative of mine has two very different (and shockingly well-behaved) twin boys whom I try to visit whenever I am back in my hometown (once or twice a year). They are now 7, and I have always bought them gifts to share, but made sure that the gifts featured an equal mix of low-cost gifts (about $50 is spent on each boy for their birthday and Christmas) that appealed to each boy's individual interests. Usually, I'd give a few books, some art supplies and a couple of toys. They have always loved opening what I've brought, and each has gravitated towards the gifts that appealed to them.
They are smart, creative little boys, but one is very artistically gifted and the other is probably a genius in terms of IQ - he asks very mature questions and loves books that are far above his age level. (Yes, they are a very powerful team when they join forces, lol.)
Here's my question. I'm thinking about getting them different gift combos tailored to their tastes. HOWEVER, I worry that if I give the wee genius a selection of books and the budding artist a bunch of high-quality art supplies, I will be pigeonholing them - giving them the message that "Oh, I do art and my brother's the smart one" or something like that.
I say this because a cousin my age and I grew up very close, and the two of us fell into certain roles that were a bit detrimental. She was the ditzy blond bombshell and I was the mousey nerd - this was kind of reinforced by our family unintentionally. Well, my cousin is actually VERY intelligent, and I fear that being "second banana" to me in terms of academic achievement caused her to stop trying until she was well out of school. She never completed her bachelor's degree, but she currently works in a job where a masters degree would not be out of place. And let's not even get into my hangups about my appearance and crippling social awkwardness when I was younger.
So I don't want to do that to the boys - make them feel that they have certain roles that they are stuck in, you know? But I do want to get them things that they will enjoy and fit their interests.
And I can't really ask their parents, because they will just tell me I shouldn't worry about getting them anything. It's true the boys have more than they need. But I really enjoy getting them things I know will allow them to develop their interests, not to mention the vicarious thrill I get from giving them things I know I would have enjoyed when I was a kid if they had been available. And even though they tell me it's not necessary to get the boys anything, the parents have specifically told me that the gifts I've given have been used and valued by the boys (some of the stories have totally cracked me up).
So I'm throwing it out to the parents on this forum - should I do separate, different gifts this year or should I just buy a mix of things and let the boys sort it out themselves, like I usually do? I'm just not sure what is better for the little dudes, though I have to say their parents handle the differences between the two kids beautifully. And I've heard that telling twins that you're buying them a gift that they have to share can be a source of frustration for them.
Sorry to be long-winded - I'm still sorting out my thoughts.
I think twins will appreciate your acknowledging their differentness and individual gifts would be well received. Since they have to share everything, why should they share gifts too?
Just make sure the creative one is still interested in art. One of my sister's sons was her artist and suddenly he's not interested in art. He's about the same age as your relative's twins.
... should I just buy a mix of things and let the boys sort it out themselves, like I usually do?
I have twin boys who are very different. I think your observations are very insightful. It's nice that you care so much.
I think this ^^^ is the best approach. You can even just ask the parents, "Is So and so still into art?" just to be sure without tipping them off to your vacillation.
Pretty soon they'll be to the age when they only get cash or iTunes gift cards, so enjoy it now!!
You might find that they actually appreciate you taking the time to give gifts tailored to their interests. I have cousins who are twins and growing up they hated being lumped together as a single unit. Given that the boys are so young, I don't think you have to worry about them feeling pigeon-holed.
artists can be pretty darn smart too. You make it sound like an either or...smart vs artistic.
At this age they have separate personalities and interests and I see nothing wrong with acknowledging it with your gift selection. On the other hand there are some terrific items which might meet both their interests like a really big Lego set to add to (hopefully) growing collection. My girls are 12 and still play with Legos almost every weekend. You can't go wrong with Legos as they help with spacil concepts, imagination, dexterity, etc.
My two grown Sons are fraternal twins and when they were very young we gave them pretty much identical gifts, but as they got older we gave them gifts that we knew each one would like more.
My two grown Sons are fraternal twins and when they were very young we gave them pretty much identical gifts, but as they got older we gave them gifts that we knew each one would like more.
Twins are the best.
Don
This is how we roll..........two identical twin girls who just turned 6 and although their personalities are night and day they share the same interests.
I believe this will change over time as they get older......but for now they are both incredibly creative, love to color and draw so right now gifts are easy.
Twins are so unique............although they know they will get undying love from my wife and I, the bond they both share in is tremndously stronger. In sickness and happiness they both depend on each other for security.
JrZ, I think it's nice that you're so putting so much thought into these gifts.
As an artist myself, I'd say definitely get him some decent art supplies! An art set with different mediums is probably best so he can experiment and see where his talent's lie. I was given my first art set at around 7yrs. old. It was the John Gnagy art set and it opened up a whole new world to me and it's only grown from there. Schools generally have 'art classes' but they usually have such lousy supplies that it doesn't encourage art, but makes it more frustrating. Does he draw or paint? Charcoal pencils, oil pastels are great and not messy and can be spread like oil colors but without the mess, watercolors with the right paper would make great gifts. Brushes don't have to be expensive. With that budget you could get the boys different gifts, and probably still get them something similar for each, like pajama's or hat's and gloves.
OK, I'm gonna shut up about the art stuff.
I have twin grandson's and they used to get so upset when they got different gifts each thinking the other's gifts were better than his own. The twins you're talking about sound different though.
So bottom line. I don't know what the best solution is regarding twins, but I would go with separate gifts. I think it's important to encourage kids to do what they enjoy most, twins, or not. So, I'd suggest art supplies for one, and something else for the other and try to get something for them to share, or that's similar. Let us know what you decide and what happens.
my brother got twins. When they were little my brother always use to buy something they can work together. So he used to by a big box of lego's for them to play together. they had various interests but lego teach them to share together and work together concept. Just a little idea.
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