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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 21 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,357,367 times
Reputation: 5382
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Growing up, my mom would tell me that I needed to hug my Grandparents and relatives so their feelings wouldn't get hurt. Even the relatives I only saw maybe 1-2x a year.
I HATED it. To me when I was growing up, it just felt weird and me uncomfortable especially when I was going through puberty. I felt like my personal space was being violated.
At home, you can see where I'm coming from... My parents rarely, if ever hugged each other, showed any affectrion towards one another, or even say things like "I Love You". The same with me and my siblings. My father NEVER hugged us, NEVER showed us affection or say "I Love you". It was living in a very emotionally distanced home. I had someone tell me at least you had a father....Yes, but he was never a dad, very uninvolved and left all the parental responsiblities onto my mother.
So, as a child and teen, it made it very awkward being told to hug them when I didn't want to. I just didn't get it that I never hugged my parents but had to hug my Grandparents & relatives
When I turned an adult, I still hugged them when I saw them out of spite to avoid my mother getting mad at me. Then I decided to stand up for myself and just didn't go to family gatherings and such...Anything to avoid my relatives. And my mom say I'm cold and heartless. There's an old saying that goes...If you have to force love, then it's probably crap.". Sooo true.
I imagine it would be difficult to feel comfortable with physical contact if you didn't experience it as a child, and I agree with Pitt Chick, it's sad.
My sons are natural huggers. They adored their grandparents, and never had to be forced to hug or kiss them. I wouldn't have required it of them.
With our grandson, we let him come to us. He gravitates towards my husband, but I can count on a hug or two.
Not ever, no never did I force my children to hug anyone. It's gross! Hug aunt tally now. Ugh! My kids willingly hug people they are comfortable with but there have been situations where other people wanted hugs and I was not at all willing to force them to be hugged.
I have the same rule about tickling. No means no and stop means stop. Not in 5 seconds, now. I hold my kids to that rule together too.
We cuddle and hug a lot at home. But if my kids don't know someone well, they don't want to hug them. I'm totally ok with that
I did not force my kids to do that... they hugged relatives willingly.
Sad that you could not do so, even once or twice a year. Seriously, it only takes two seconds.
Damn it I hate it when I mean to quote and give a rep point.
Personal space is people's rights. Taking that away is wrong. Nothing wrong with the op to not want to be forced into physical contact with a near stranger
No way with the forced hugging. My ex-spouse was very disrespectful of the personal space of others (as were some of his family and friends) and I was not going to make the children touch anyone/anything they did not want to. In addition, 2 of my 3 children are on the spectrum, and they prefer to initiate touch on their own terms rather than have others swoop in and hug them.
Over the years, the only relatives the kids truly shied away from were either seen very infrequently/in from out of town, or "impaired" in some way.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 21 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,357,367 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
I did not force my kids to do that... they hugged relatives willingly.
Sad that you could not do so, even once or twice a year. Seriously, it only takes two seconds.
Yeah, you do have a point....However, It just made me uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to be a brat by not wanting to hug relatives I had seen infrequently. All it taught me was to disregard my feelings just to please someone else. If an adult is going to be butthurt over a child not hugging, then they're the one with issues.
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