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The physical and emotional demands of someone completely dependent on you, combined with the feeling of responsibility to them and the community to do it right. Even though no one can really provide definitive answers on what that looks like and how it's accomplished since every situation and every child is different. And no matter what you do, there's someone telling you you're doing it wrong which will result in the child either being a psychpath or useless and living in your basement forever. The constant anxiety resulting from thinking every mistake or bump in the road will result in screwing them up forever and it will be all your fault.
Oh...and all that while maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse, doing a good job at work (or volunteering or whatever else is expected in your life) and a lovely and clean home.
Other than that....easy peasy.
Ya this.
Whether you work or stay home, there is always a person out there that dictates everything you do, every decision you make. Even if you are home, you are on-call 24/7 and just about everything you do while they are at school, you do with the kid(s) in mind.
Even if the hours of 8-3 aren't "hard" for a SAHP of a school aged child, your question regarding what's so hard doesn't even really apply. The "hard" parts of parenting don't just happen during certain hours. It is 24/7/365 for the rest of your life. Some say it is like having a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body. It involves a lot of worry, stress, and emotional investment.
When they hurt, you hurt. When you can't fix the hurt, you hurt more.
You seem to be implying that there is no reason for a parent to stay home when the kids are in school. To that I say, try working full time while your spouse works long hours or travels for work, and get a kid (let alone 2 or 3) to soccer practice or dance by 4:30 or 5:00 multiple times/week, get a healthy dinner on the table, make sure they get their homework done and bags packed for the next day, make sure they bathe... plus get all the cleaning, laundry, etc done. Go ahead. Try it.
I never felt that one minute of raising our two Sons was really "difficult", it was just something we enjoyed and made the best of. Sure, there were times that money was tight, and problems like that, but not enough to make it unbearable or unpleasant.
My Wife at the time was an RN, so I would work during the day, and she would go to bed for a few hours when I got home, then work 11-7. While she was at work I would take care of them and have them up and fed the next morning. She would put them in bed with her and they would sleep for a few more hours so she could get some sleep too. We were both young and able to handle those schedules.
Yes, it was somewhat hard, but once they were in school things settled down a little. But would I trade it for anything ? Not for all the money in the world !
Don't mix issues.
Love kids. Enjoy them. Don't regret a minute.
But still physically and emotionally far more demanding than just taking care of myself.
In another thread it was pointed out that since I don't have kids I can't know how difficult the job is, so here we are. My question is, with respect to school age children and a SAHM or SAHD, what is the difficult aspect of raising kids? I tried to get a response, but the most detailed response I received basically stated that the cooking, cleaning, laundry, & dishes make kids difficult, but those can all be outsourced for <$15/hr and none of those tasks are terribly difficult to accomplish.
Tireless, time consuming, & thankless are given attributes.
Originally Posted by lycos679 There are 7+ hours to do laundry and wash dishes. Dishes practically wash themselves and laundry can be done by a wash N fold place. Even if you do all that yourself it's more time consuming than anything else. I mean, what have you actually mentioned that is difficult?
not having kids , you have a different perspective than being a parent,,
if you look at one day, or a few hours segment, in the prism of a work-shift,,,you can say that doesn't seem so tough
however,.. your world changes when you first hold your baby, this is part of you, you are the baby's protector, and nurturer, your own upbringing comes into play.. because you are now an adult, and echos of your past come into play,,,, from feeding, to letting the baby cry, to spending time,,,,when the baby is a toddler, how much time do you spend,,,, holding them when they are sick, and,,,how not to be screaming at them when they are irritable,,,as they grow,,you can remember similar struggles (first day of school) and not repeat/cycle the crap part of your own childhood- all along the way...
half the houses- parents are divorced,,,,or major tension with one spouse, or one parent mother is working two jobs,,,father left town or a drug addict,,,or both parents work,,,,get home late in the afternoon,,
this is life,,,just not parenting,
and parents don't give themselves enough "sanity, balance" time,,,, to defragment, refocus,,, one day falls into the next..
a parents' worry, never ceases,,,, because you have to protect them from the dangers of society without scaring them..
its easy to look from a distance and critique...that doesn't look so tough...but until you walk in that persons shoes you don't have a right to judge...
when my son was in first grade he was being bullied by a bigger kid,,, so being the protector, I went in and talked with the teacher, was very heavy handed with her,,"if this school cant stop bullying" maybe ill take him to another school" the teacher looked at me and somberly said , "this particular boys mother is dying of cancer , she is on her deathbed, he was just told she will die soon, this boy is acting out.. he is angry ...and doesn't know how to cope with this, he will soon be moving away to live with his aunt
I felt two inches tall.... now I felt bad for this boy, I didn't know the full picture!!!!
it so easy to misjudge!!
I use to parse out my boss's job and say- he's a manager and has a simpler (labor intensive) job...but I never saw the other side,,,where he has to fire people, or give a speech or presentations in front of hundreds - a mature skill set I didn't have at the time,,
I am not sure "difficult" is the right word but it sure isn't easy either. The first 5 years of someone constantly needing you is draining. Once they start full time school, sure, they are at school for several hours, but that time after school is very busy up until they go to sleep. Then add in the constant worry of various degrees and it is emotionally draining, severely at times. I agree that until you are 100% responsible for another person's life, you really can't understand why it is "difficult" to be a parent. Overall our kids were pretty easy. They were good kids that never really got into trouble, did well in school, are nice people, etc. but even then, seeing one of them in a hospital bed or the heartbreak over a broken relationship or whatever is very hard to watch.
Cleaning the house is the easy part of being a parent.
Don't mix issues.
Love kids. Enjoy them. Don't regret a minute.
But still physically and emotionally far more demanding than just taking care of myself.
Sure, we have twins, so I know very well about it being a little bit of work. However, once you get your routine down it becomes so much easier. Even when mine were 6 months old I would put them in their little car seats on a Saturday morning and we would head out for a drive, looking for old cars on the back roads. This gave my Wife a chance to get 8 hours of uninterupted sleep. Sundays, I would clean the house while she also got more sleep, that enabled us to recharge our batteries for the next week.
The only part that was a little tough was the first few months when they didn't sleep much during the night. Every couple of hours they were up, and as soon as one was up the other one would wake up too. That was probably the most sleepless time we got during their childhood.
You seem to be implying that there is no reason for a parent to stay home when the kids are in school. To that I say, try working full time while your spouse works long hours or travels for work, and get a kid (let alone 2 or 3) to soccer practice or dance by 4:30 or 5:00 multiple times/week, get a healthy dinner on the table, make sure they get their homework done and bags packed for the next day, make sure they bathe... plus get all the cleaning, laundry, etc done. Go ahead. Try it.
Before I had kids, I was a hard-charging, 70+ hour a week mortgage bank VP. Loved my work. One of my employees came to me to give me a heads up, to let me know that she wanted to resign in a couple of months-- her children were starting middle school, and she wanted to be home with them, and wondered if some of her job could be done from home as a part-time gig. I was intrigued -- why NOW? Most people would be going BACK to work at her stage. She looked me straight in the eye, smiled slightly, and said, "No -- this is the time they can REALLY get into trouble!" I didn't know anything about her kids, although they always seemed well-behaved, articulate and polite when she brought them to family events, but her comment always stuck with me. And, when I myself was further down that childhood road, I found that I agreed with her. My husband started working from home when our youngest was a year old, and worked from home for 18 years before starting a new business. So we BOTH ended up at home, as I elected to be a SAHM (quite a mind-shift, but it ultimately worked well for us.) No trouble during the teenage years -- they were great kids, and they are wonderful young adults, for which we are thankful. There's lots of cracks for kids to get lost in when both parents work.
Before I had kids, I was a hard-charging, 70+ hour a week mortgage bank VP. Loved my work. One of my employees came to me to give me a heads up, to let me know that she wanted to resign in a couple of months-- her children were starting middle school, and she wanted to be home with them, and wondered if some of her job could be done from home as a part-time gig. I was intrigued -- why NOW? Most people would be going BACK to work at her stage. She looked me straight in the eye, smiled slightly, and said, "No -- this is the time they can REALLY get into trouble!" I didn't know anything about her kids, although they always seemed well-behaved, articulate and polite when she brought them to family events, but her comment always stuck with me. And, when I myself was further down that childhood road, I found that I agreed with her. My husband started working from home when our youngest was a year old, and worked from home for 18 years before starting a new business. So we BOTH ended up at home, as I elected to be a SAHM (quite a mind-shift, but it ultimately worked well for us.) No trouble during the teenage years -- they were great kids, and they are wonderful young adults, for which we are thankful. There's lots of cracks for kids to get lost in when both parents work.
Not even that they could get in trouble at that age, they are just busier. Before middle school our kids did "rec" or "travel" ball/teams/programs. Those happened later in the evenings or on weekends. In middle school it shifted to school activities, that happened after school so they needed rides, middle school games were right after school so if we wanted to watch, you took time off work, etc. They started having more questions about homework problems, were just in general more social so they wanted to hang out with friends, etc. Then college visits, etc. Then the realization that you only have a few more years with them being home and how much you missed working all the time....
...then, after college, the grandkids start showing up and you want to be around for the fun .
I don't have kids, but I understand how hard it is. That's kind of why I'm not a parent. Try raising a puppy. A newly weaned pup, or better yet, one that had to be weaned early for whatever reason. Then multiply the difficulty by 10. Because a kid needs you for EVERYTHING. Unlike a pup, they don't just drag themselves over to the teat to nurse. You can't stick it in a crate like you do a puppy.
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