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I would put the potty in front of tv and turn on her favorite cartoon - in addition to Miralax or whatever you will use. She needs to relax while doing this.
Ouch. back off for a while, stop doing the enemas obviously, and stop adding in things to make her poop. Good lord. All this is getting way too stressful. Even my bum is clenching!
Go back to routine, cope with this for a month, and THEN setup positive reinforcement for using the toilet. Sounds like you daughter loves control...give rewards for it, cash if need be! Because explain to her that getting her off pull ups saves you money, so tell her for 90 days every time she uses the toilet she gets the savings!
Well, you know what they say -- no one ever went to college in a pull-up. :-)
So, what if she DOESN'T start pre-K this September? Big whoop. You could probably teach her just as much (if not more) at home, if you were so inclined. Does she WANT to start Pre-K? Have you been telling her that she can't go to school if she doesn't poop?
Pre-K is an artificial deadline. If it happens, it happens. I know you're anxious for her to start -- but honestly, it sounds like she might not be ready. Just . . . chill. I think it's fair to stick around the house for a few weeks. If she wants to go out, you say, "Well, no, sorry, we can't go to the (pool, party, jumping gym, playground, etc.) until you learn how to use the bathroom -- but don't worry, I'm sure you'll be using it soon.) Might speed things up, especially if you can pretend you don't care whether or not you EVER go to the playground again.
The one factor that is stressing me out the most is that she is supposed to be starting pre-K in September and she has to be fully potty trained to attend- that goes for every school around here. We delayed her preschool education for a year because of this issue and I'm really afraid that she won't be ready to attend kindergarten and will fall behind.
Depending on her doctor, it is possible that you can get a medical exemption which will allow her to attend a public school & have special education staff assist with changing her clothes.
OTOH, I also have seen non-bowel trained students attend public school Junior Kindergarten classroom and the children are just expected to change their own soiled underwear & clothes (or if it really bad the parents are called to do it).
The more that you make a big deal about it the worse it is going to be.
I'm a retired early childhood teacher, one of my parents used to make an enormous deal about her son wetting his pants occasionally at home (he would be playing and just "forget" to go to the bathroom in time). She talked about it to him all of the time even though he probably wet his pants about as often as other boys his age (I also suspected that she hit him when he had an accident at home).
It ended up becoming a problem even though it was not a real problem in the beginning. He started to have bathroom accidents at school, too in kindergarten. He continued to have problems even in first and second grade----which was pretty interesting because he was toilet trained and did not have accidents in my classroom when he was three and four years old.
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Originally Posted by Marlow
A friend's son had very similar issues and they resurfaced when he was about 5 and his baby sister was born. They hold it in and it gets hard and then other soft poop kind of ooops around it. He would poop in his pants and hide them--it was very stressful for them. The good news is he grew out of it. The bad news is, it took a while.
Like HFB said, try ignoring it for a while. No poop talk at all. Your anxiety is coming through loud and clear on here so I'm sure your daughter is picking up on it as well. If you do talk about it, empower her. "I know it's hard for you to poop, but I also know you're going to outgrow this and it will become easier and easier."
Ignore it. In fact, I would just put her back in pull-ups and never even say the word "poop" at all to her.
Follow doctor's directions and when she is ready, she will be ready.
Had the same issue with my kid. I gave her Lactulose, its a kind of sugar so it tasted nice to her so no spitting out issues and it gets the bowels moving (its used for chronic constipation - the pharmacist recommended it for her when I explained the situation)
My daughter decided not to poop anymore after we moved to a new apartment. She was only comfortable pooping at home base and she didn't consider the new apartment's bathroom to be her bathroom. She held it for about a month, despite us giving her lots of apple juice, then trying the milk of magnesia (I hid it in chocolate pudding with whipped cream on top), then trying suppositories (which she thought were birthday candles and was sure we were going to light her butt on fire).
Finally I just sat her down on the toilet and told her she couldn't get up until she had pooped. I sat on the floor next to the toilet and read a book. She complained about being bored. She complained about being thirsty. I gave her water. We sat for several hours. She wanted to stand up several times, because she could keep from going that way. I made her keep sitting. Finally, she went. It was not comfortable for her at all, probably because she had held it so long and it was so solid. After that, she knew she could go in that toilet and we never had a poop problem again.
If I had known about them back then, I would have bought her a bunch of sugar-free gummy bears and just let her eat as many as she wanted. I don't think even the most stubborn kid can resist the effects of sugar-free gummy bears.
Ouch. back off for a while, stop doing the enemas obviously, and stop adding in things to make her poop. Good lord. All this is getting way too stressful. Even my bum is clenching!
Go back to routine, cope with this for a month, and THEN setup positive reinforcement for using the toilet. Sounds like you daughter loves control...give rewards for it, cash if need be! Because explain to her that getting her off pull ups saves you money, so tell her for 90 days every time she uses the toilet she gets the savings!
As I said in my original post, we are NOT giving our daughter the enemas that the doctor wanted us to give her- she screams like a banshee when we get near her with a suppository. And I doubt that giving a newly 4-year old some "cash" is going to make her suddenly want to lay one out in the potty.
Regarding the school issue, she is really wanting to go and in fact will be in the same class that her sister is in now; she has gotten jealous of all of the things that her big sister has brought home from school, like projects and holiday party stuff and tells us that she's a big girl now, too, and is going to go to school. I'm just afraid that she may have an accident and be scared and ashamed.
She ended up pooping yesterday in a pull-up while she was taking an impromptu nap and it clogged the toilet! Then she went again this AM in her nighttime pull-up and came right to me and told me, so that's good. I imagine that cleaned her out some, if not really well. I showed her a Disney princess potty online yesterday and asked her what she thought about it and she gasped and told me that she LOVED it and could she have one?? So, looks like I'm going to be ordering one of those....LOL.
I had a long talk with myself yesterday (in my head but that makes me sound even crazier, ha ha) and I know what I'm going to do now. Per many of the other posters' advice, I am going to let the poop thing go and try to ignore it as much as possible. I'm going to keep on her diet changes and just try to go with the flow and not be on a schedule so much.
I want to agree with what other posters said here about Miralax being great for constipation issues. My oldest took it for a few years after she developed a fear of using the toilet. My youngest takes it regularly still because she wont' drink enough to keep her stool soft. We never had any issues with it, it's very safe and effective, and most of all stress free for parents and children.
I'm glad your daughter pooped and is excited about the potty chair. Hopefully you're about to be finished with this issue. One thing you said though struck me.
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I'm just afraid that she may have an accident and be scared and ashamed.
This may be why you're so stressed about the poop issue--you're stressing over the idea that she may suffer some fear and embarrassment. Let me assure you--she will. If not over this issue, then another one. It's part of being human.
If your daughter does poop somewhere and is embarrassed about it, it won't be the end of the world. You just act matter-of-fact and get out the wipies and clean underwear I'm sure you carry with you and help her clean up. When she starts pre-K, make sure the pre-K teacher knows it's a possibility and have your daughter keep some supplies in her cubby. There's no greater teacher than experience and if it happens at school, I bet it won't happen more than once.
I want to agree with what other posters said here about Miralax being great for constipation issues. My oldest took it for a few years after she developed a fear of using the toilet. My youngest takes it regularly still because she wont' drink enough to keep her stool soft. We never had any issues with it, it's very safe and effective, and most of all stress free for parents and children.
Miralax is intended for adults and should only be used short term. Despite it's popularity, the FDA has never approved it for pediatric use. Studies of Miralax or PEG cite adverse effects no more severe than diarrhea and bloating. But there have also been no large long-term studies of the effects of PEG on children.
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