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He wants a new toy every single day ( my mom babysits and buys him whatever he wants) this kid literally has thousands of toys. He plays with them for 1 day and throws them in the basement.
He wakes up every single night and cries in his room and says he is scared, when I go to calm him down he cries for his mother. He only sleeps 7-8 hours a night and never naps.
When he gets mad he will hit people and even bit my mother a few times. My wife blames this on me because me and him wrestle with each other a lot.
I get upset at times and spanked him amd tried time outs, but nothing seems to work. When I give him a time out he will not hold still or listen.
Any one have any books or recommendations on how I could get him to improve in these areas.
If your mother is buying him a new toy every day, she is spending way too much time shopping with him. Is she buying toys in the hope that he'll keep himself occupied? You would be better off putting him in nursery school where he'll have a routine that will wear him out to the point of him needing a good night's sleep.
I can't suggest books, but I know some other posters will be happy to share sources.
He wants a new toy every single day ( my mom babysits and buys him whatever he wants) this kid literally has thousands of toys. He plays with them for 1 day and throws them in the basement.
He wakes up every single night and cries in his room and says he is scared, when I go to calm him down he cries for his mother. He only sleeps 7-8 hours a night and never naps.
When he gets mad he will hit people and even bit my mother a few times. My wife blames this on me because me and him wrestle with each other a lot.
I get upset at times and spanked him amd tried time outs, but nothing seems to work. When I give him a time out he will not hold still or listen.
Any one have any books or recommendations on how I could get him to improve in these areas.
(Easier said than done but: ) Don't let your mom buy him things - if she can't help herself encourage her not to go to stores and instead take him to the library/park/etc. where you cannot purchase things.
Separate the toys into different storage containers, or the "best" ones for his interests into those, donate the rest to goodwill/charity/orphanages/shelters/etc. Then cycle out the containers every couple weeks or month, one and only one out at a time. Involve him in the sorting process explaining how some kids do not have any toys and he will be sharing.
Sleep train him, right now his waking is a habit, it will take a while but you can break it and encourage him to go down and stay down for the night. This means every single night put him down at the same time, plan your day to accommodate this, it's no fun but if you have to be home for the bedtime routine to start at 7 or 7:30 each night then so be it. Do the same pattern (for example - dinner, walk, shower, pj's, potty, brush teeth, a consistent story repeated at least every other night, an additional story, goodnight song, snuggle, then you leave) and make sure not to wind him up with wrestling right before bed, though make sure he does get a lot of running/active play during the day. I would also advise going gentler on the wrestling - you can still do some just go for a hug or a tickle rather than a trap or "I'm going to get you."
If you don't have a (fairly quiet) white noise/classical music machine look for one, possibly a night light if appropriate. There are some clocks out there that have a programmable "night time" mode and "day time" mode, so he can visibly see that it's still time to be asleep.
My son is almost three, rarely but still can happen wakes up at night - usually due to a nightmare or biting the inside of his cheek or something, when that happens one of us will go and snuggle for the couple minutes it takes him to get back to sleep or we will wait a few minutes to see if he quiets down and goes back to sleep on his own. By the same motion make sure wake up time is consistent - tell him he can play quietly or "read" in his room but everyone is asleep until [set time]
Look into the book "Hands are Not for Hitting" (honestly I'd go with the board book as it's a faster read and you could repeat a few times each night) borrow from the library and see if he likes it. Make sure to go through the motions (hands are for waving - wave at him, saying hello - shake hands and say hello, playing games - do the itsy bitsy spider motions, etc.). When he does hit/bite the IMMEDIATE message must be "hands are not for hitting, hitting hurts and is not ok" or something along those lines along with a time out. If you have to sit and hold him during the time out at first then so be it, but it has to happen right when the behavior occurs, not "when we get home"/"when I finish this."
General time out rules are their years of age as minutes in time out, we don't start the timer until ours has calmed down a bit, and do have to tell him to take a deep breath to calm down, eventually it works through the anti-time-out tantrums that could occur. We make ours repeat what we said to make sure he heard it, again sometimes it takes repetition but it reinforces that hands are not for hitting, it makes us sad and our friends/family sad, etc. In our house we do not spank - we personally see it as being counter productive (you're telling/showing them that you can "hit" them when you are unhappy or they/others are not doing what you want while expecting them to not hit when they are unhappy/not getting their way). Sometimes we also give a stuffed animal when he is very upset and tell him to "give [it] a hug, tell/show [it] how upset you are" same toy could be given to snuggle at night ("pretend [it] is mommy/daddy snuggling with you" or "[it] will chase away your bad dreams"). Do acknowledge that you understand he is upset and (if you know) why he is upset. I thought there was a kids book for Daniel Tiger's Daniel Uses his Words episodes but am not pulling it up.
If discouraging violence make sure he is not getting outside viewing of it - this includes most cartoons (so favor Rescue Bots, Super Why, Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, etc. over shows that have punching/kicking/hitting characters) if you do come across something with violence being done by the "hero" reinforce that "that's not nice, hands are not for hitting," or something similar.
Last thing - not sure if you are rewarding him with sugar but go for stickers/temporary tattoos over candy. Set up a reward jar/chart so if he does a certain number of good things he gets a reward (sticker/tattoo/trip to the park/playdate with a friend/etc.), at three don't take away the markings of good unless it's something very seriously bad like hitting, then you would take away one or two.
It is not unusual for some three year olds to occasionally hit or even bite in anger or if he/she is having difficultly communicating their wants and needs. Or if they see the adults in their life handle their anger by hitting other people.
But if this happens on a daily basis, or multiple times a day or if the hitting is hard enough to bruise adults or if the biting breaks the skin this could be a more serious issue. Please discuss it with his pediatrician. She may recommend a referral for early childhood special educational services or for child counseling or parenting classes (for you, spouse & grandma) or all three.
And, tell your mother to stop buying him toys! If she really wants to help him she can go to the library or park or playground with him every day.
BTW, I have seen some three year old terrorists that became sweet, charming angels when they turn four, however, I have seen some terrorists that got much, much worse when their parents just ignored their child's problems and "hoped that they would go away by themselves".
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-08-2015 at 08:27 PM..
(Easier said than done but: ) Don't let your mom buy him things - if she can't help herself encourage her not to go to stores and instead take him to the library/park/etc. where you cannot purchase things.
Separate the toys into different storage containers, or the "best" ones for his interests into those, donate the rest to goodwill/charity/orphanages/shelters/etc. Then cycle out the containers every couple weeks or month, one and only one out at a time. Involve him in the sorting process explaining how some kids do not have any toys and he will be sharing.
Sleep train him, right now his waking is a habit, it will take a while but you can break it and encourage him to go down and stay down for the night. This means every single night put him down at the same time, plan your day to accommodate this, it's no fun but if you have to be home for the bedtime routine to start at 7 or 7:30 each night then so be it. Do the same pattern (for example - dinner, walk, shower, pj's, potty, brush teeth, a consistent story repeated at least every other night, an additional story, goodnight song, snuggle, then you leave) and make sure not to wind him up with wrestling right before bed, though make sure he does get a lot of running/active play during the day. I would also advise going gentler on the wrestling - you can still do some just go for a hug or a tickle rather than a trap or "I'm going to get you."
If you don't have a (fairly quiet) white noise/classical music machine look for one, possibly a night light if appropriate. There are some clocks out there that have a programmable "night time" mode and "day time" mode, so he can visibly see that it's still time to be asleep.
My son is almost three, rarely but still can happen wakes up at night - usually due to a nightmare or biting the inside of his cheek or something, when that happens one of us will go and snuggle for the couple minutes it takes him to get back to sleep or we will wait a few minutes to see if he quiets down and goes back to sleep on his own. By the same motion make sure wake up time is consistent - tell him he can play quietly or "read" in his room but everyone is asleep until [set time]
Look into the book "Hands are Not for Hitting" (honestly I'd go with the board book as it's a faster read and you could repeat a few times each night) borrow from the library and see if he likes it. Make sure to go through the motions (hands are for waving - wave at him, saying hello - shake hands and say hello, playing games - do the itsy bitsy spider motions, etc.). When he does hit/bite the IMMEDIATE message must be "hands are not for hitting, hitting hurts and is not ok" or something along those lines along with a time out. If you have to sit and hold him during the time out at first then so be it, but it has to happen right when the behavior occurs, not "when we get home"/"when I finish this."
General time out rules are their years of age as minutes in time out, we don't start the timer until ours has calmed down a bit, and do have to tell him to take a deep breath to calm down, eventually it works through the anti-time-out tantrums that could occur. We make ours repeat what we said to make sure he heard it, again sometimes it takes repetition but it reinforces that hands are not for hitting, it makes us sad and our friends/family sad, etc. In our house we do not spank - we personally see it as being counter productive (you're telling/showing them that you can "hit" them when you are unhappy or they/others are not doing what you want while expecting them to not hit when they are unhappy/not getting their way). Sometimes we also give a stuffed animal when he is very upset and tell him to "give [it] a hug, tell/show [it] how upset you are" same toy could be given to snuggle at night ("pretend [it] is mommy/daddy snuggling with you" or "[it] will chase away your bad dreams"). Do acknowledge that you understand he is upset and (if you know) why he is upset. I thought there was a kids book for Daniel Tiger's Daniel Uses his Words episodes but am not pulling it up.
If discouraging violence make sure he is not getting outside viewing of it - this includes most cartoons (so favor Rescue Bots, Super Why, Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, etc. over shows that have punching/kicking/hitting characters) if you do come across something with violence being done by the "hero" reinforce that "that's not nice, hands are not for hitting," or something similar.
Last thing - not sure if you are rewarding him with sugar but go for stickers/temporary tattoos over candy. Set up a reward jar/chart so if he does a certain number of good things he gets a reward (sticker/tattoo/trip to the park/playdate with a friend/etc.), at three don't take away the markings of good unless it's something very seriously bad like hitting, then you would take away one or two.
He wants a new toy every single day ( my mom babysits and buys him whatever he wants) this kid literally has thousands of toys. He plays with them for 1 day and throws them in the basement.
He wakes up every single night and cries in his room and says he is scared, when I go to calm him down he cries for his mother. He only sleeps 7-8 hours a night and never naps.
When he gets mad he will hit people and even bit my mother a few times. My wife blames this on me because me and him wrestle with each other a lot.
I get upset at times and spanked him amd tried time outs, but nothing seems to work. When I give him a time out he will not hold still or listen.
Any one have any books or recommendations on how I could get him to improve in these areas.
If you let him win, he will continue to push. If he keeps getting new toys when he cries, you have taught him that crying will be rewarded. Give him the old toys, sit and play with him to engage, and don't make daily new toys and option. Play WITH him if he is bored.
How do you encourage naps? My 2.5 year old won't decide to nap. We have to take her to her bed, crying, and begging "NO NIGHT NIGHT! NO NIGHT NIGHT" and read her a book, turn on white noise, use her ceiling projection night light, and sing songs. She is pissed, but then she sleeps for a much needed 2-3 hours. Every day she sleeps, despite begging not to. Do you TRY to get him to nap? You are the parent, not him.
Do you address the hitting and biting IMMEDIATELY? Sternly? Or does he do it because there is no consequence? If you address it consistently, EVERY TIME, it may take awhile, but he will stop. If you give-up and let him do it because you don't think it will stop, it won't stop.
BTW, don't worry. Your child's behavior is not unusual at that age. It's not good, but it's nothing to worry about. You just need patience to help guide him through this difficult period. My best friend's son used to be the same way, but he turned out great.
Grandma doesn't need to buy him so many toys. He'd rather have attention. But I don't think that's a big deal.
I'd be more concerned about the nightmares and temper problems.
What is he scared of? It's very hard to know with a child that age. You might be able to get some ideas from the book Baby Hearts, but I think that might deal more with kids up to age 3. Perhaps The Emotional Life of a Toddler would be better.
Check to see if your insurance covers counseling for children, or if there are programs in your city or state that provide it. A child psychologist could check out your child and let you know if he has any special fears or attachment problems that you should know about. They might also be able to tell you if he has some sort of developmental issue that contributes to the problems you're having. If there's no problem, at least being told that by an expert will give you some peace of mind.
Children that age have difficulty understanding their emotions, and it scares them. Find him some good books that help him understand his emotions, and how to deal with them. These books are good for all young children, even if they don't have any temper problems. I bought my DD a few books on anger and sadness, and we often read them when she had temper tantrums.
For discipline, I prefer positive parenting methods. There are several books on that, and variations of it.
I do not think that you wrestling with him in play is the reason he hits. Hitting is common for kids that age. Besides, you wrestle for fun, not out of anger. However, spanking might encourage it, because he could interpret that as an acceptable way to deal with anger. Books on positive parenting will give you some better ideas on how to deal with his tantrums.
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