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It's a women's softball league, she also does scheduling of the facilities, stats and umpires some of the games. So they usually have 2 games and she umpires one of the ones she is not playing in
I was in a women's softball league, and we were done by 8 and home by 9. Scheduling could be done at home. Umpiring shouldn't even be an option when she has a kid at home.
I was in a women's softball league, and we were done by 8 and home by 9. Scheduling could be done at home. Umpiring shouldn't even be an option when she has a kid at home.
They start at 8 usually, she leaves around 7:30, is done by 10, 10:15, home by 10:30 or 10:45 usually. I guess they have to compete for field time with the me and that's why they get started so late.
She had to be there at 6 yesterday because they also had a scrimmage game, which is not typical.
I'm late to this, but as someone who had a similar situation to the kid when I was his age (this was 20 years ago) if you try to act like a dad when you're not his father you're going to make him hate you to the point where you will end the relationship with his mother. Step back if you want it to work because I was in the same situation 20 years ago and they wound up ending it because with a mother her son will always come first..lose his favor and you will lose her
You have a deadbeat mom on your hands. She has pawned her kid off on you while she is off doing extracurricular activities, instead of staying at home and being this kid's mom. He's probably acting out because he resents her leaving him there with you while she goes out and has her fun.
You need to nip that sport in the bud and make Mom step up and be a parent NOW.
You and others are certainly entitled to your opinions, but suggesting the OP should force dramatic changes on this mother and child to satisfy other people's lifestyle choices isn't helpful to him. She's had this serious commitment to her sport for a long time; it seems to pre-date even her work commitments. So was it a mistake for her to take a better job, too? She's just a person who has bit off more than she can chew. Doesn't mean she doesn't love him and doesn't mean she's a neglectful mother. She has time management issues. In the meantime, she can hardly renege on commitments she's already made.
The OP has made it clear that he and the mother don't think it's a problem that they co-habitate outside of marriage and that's their choice. She hasn't ping-ponged from one man to another, so those kinds of accusations others have made are also not pertinent. He's asking for suggestions of how to improve his situation, he's not asking for us to give him a lifestyle to adopt that is outside his moral parameters.
He's obviously a mature and giving person and his girlfriend hasn't taken up any activities that she hasn't had for a very long time. So they need to figure out a way to manage their day-to-day situation, not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Personally, I still think professional counseling would get them the most help in the shortest amount of time, but it's up to the OP to decide.
You and others are certainly entitled to your opinions, but suggesting the OP should force dramatic changes on this mother and child to satisfy other people's lifestyle choices isn't helpful to him. She's had this serious commitment to her sport for a long time; it seems to pre-date even her work commitments. So was it a mistake for her to take a better job, too? She's just a person who has bit off more than she can chew. Doesn't mean she doesn't love him and doesn't mean she's a neglectful mother. She has time management issues. In the meantime, she can hardly renege on commitments she's already made.
The OP has made it clear that he and the mother don't think it's a problem that they co-habitate outside of marriage and that's their choice. She hasn't ping-ponged from one man to another, so those kinds of accusations others have made are also not pertinent. He's asking for suggestions of how to improve his situation, he's not asking for us to give him a lifestyle to adopt that is outside his moral parameters.
He's obviously a mature and giving person and his girlfriend hasn't taken up any activities that she hasn't had for a very long time. So they need to figure out a way to manage their day-to-day situation, not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Personally, I still think professional counseling would get them the most help in the shortest amount of time, but it's up to the OP to decide.
If you are putting your hobby ahead of your child it does mean you are neglectful Parent. That doesn't mean she doesn't care or love her child, but she is neglecting him. I also can't imagine too many parents having an issue reneging on commitments if it meant improving their relationship with their child.
They start at 8 usually, she leaves around 7:30, is done by 10, 10:15, home by 10:30 or 10:45 usually. I guess they have to compete for field time with the me and that's why they get started so late.
She had to be there at 6 yesterday because they also had a scrimmage game, which is not typical.
They are not competing for field time, that is what the schedule is for. And scrimmages are done before the softball season to get ready for the games. There is no need for a scrimmage if they are playing games every other night. You are being played, buddy. I wonder if she is cheating on you?
You and others are certainly entitled to your opinions, but suggesting the OP should force dramatic changes on this mother and child to satisfy other people's lifestyle choices isn't helpful to him. She this serious commitment to her sport for long time; it seems to pre-date even her work commitments. So was it a mistake for her to take a better job, too? She's just a person who has bit off more than she can chew. Doesn't mean she doesn't love him and doesn't mean she's a neglectful mother. She has time management issues. In the meantime, she can hardly renege on commitments she's already made.
The OP said she's been doing softball the last couple years... That's not a long time at all. She certainly can "reneged" on her commitment. She just chose not to seriously look for other options, she can always resign-- someone else will step up or highly unlikely, the whole thing fold (in which case, she can join another league down the road).. As for the better job, no one has advocate that she not do her job (or not take the better job)-- the job is something the whole family unit can gain benefit. Softball hasn't reaped the family anything, in fact it's actually hurting them. The OP can't even say, hey I think you need to focus on this issue with the kid rather than playing softball. The kid came before the commitment to softball, she needs to remember that.
Quote:
He's obviously a mature and giving person and his girlfriend hasn't taken up any activities that she hasn't had for a very long time. So they need to figure out a way to manage their day-to-day situation, not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Personally, I still think professional counseling would get them the most help in the shortest amount of time, but it's up to the OP to decide.
We don't know if she never took up activities in a long time and quite frankly, it's irrelevant. There's an activity now that's taking way too much time. I agree that if the OP can't get himself to talk to her about this, some counseling would be required.
They are not competing for field time, that is what the schedule is for. And scrimmages are done before the softball season to get ready for the games. There is no need for a scrimmage if they are playing games every other night. You are being played, buddy. I wonder if she is cheating on you?
Look, their games are on the weekends usually, they practice twice a week, on Sunday and Wednesday usually, this week they practiced on Monday and had a scrimmage, which is something they don't typically do.
I have no reason to distrust her, so this type of accusation is not helping me. A mutual friend's wife is on the same team, so I know it's legit
I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, she has a 13 year old son. Father not in the picture, lives out of state. We basically started living together after the first few months, spending most of the time in her apartment, but about 9 months ago, she gave up her apartment and moved into my house.
I have always gotten along well with the kiddo. We do stuff together all the time. She has been a single parent for most of his life (since he was about 2), part of the time she lived with her parents and they helped.
I will preface this by saying my GF has a LOT going on in her life at the moment. A demanding work schedule and some other obligations relating to a sport she is heavily involved with. Time is always an issue. Sleep has been an issue. As a result, household chores have not always been a priority.
Since moving in with me, I have instituted some chores that have to be done every day. I reward him by giving home money sometimes, or by activities (trips to the movies, laser tag, comic books, etc). However, attention to detail is not his thing. Simple chores like emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, putting away laundry, etc either do not get done or get done half-ass. I am constantly having to go behind him and follow up.
I am also getting quite a bit of attitude when I ask him why he continues to do things poorly or not at all. I also get the "I forgot" routine, or "I don't know how to do that" stuff, even though we are talking about simple things here. After 9 months you know where all the dishes go, you know to close the cabinets when done, you know how to properly set a table and how to fold laundry, you know to bring in the mail when you get home from school.
The mother has been reluctant to punish him or take away privileges, due to some "self-threatening" things / actions he has done in the past. I don't want to get into that. But she too is kind of at her wits end about it.
I have gotten to the point where I am just unilaterally taking privileges away. No TV, No Laptop, no Internet, no X-box if stuff is done wrong.
I am asking how I can get this done. The child cannot, and does not take responsibility for ANYTHING he does wrong. He immediately makes up an excuse or blames (tries to) blame something else. Kid wants to do nothing but use the computer / internet, never volunteers to help around the house, when we NEED help, it's like pulling teeth to get help.
I am kind of at a loss, I am in my late 30's, never had kids, so I am still learning as I go, but it's at a point where it's starting to affect me.
I have three kids, all boys. They are 21, 18, 16. None of them did a good job at any of their chores at age 13. None of them did their chores without daily reminders at age 13. They did them when asked, but needed to be reminded. When I pick up my 16 year old from school I have to tell him to bring in the garbage can even though he can see it clearly when we pull in the driveway.
Just keep at it. They don't do what they are supposed to do at 13.
I have three kids, all boys. They are 21, 18, 16. None of them did a good job at any of their chores at age 13. None of them did their chores without daily reminders at age 13. They did them when asked, but needed to be reminded. When I pick up my 16 year old from school I have to tell him to bring in the garbage can even though he can see it clearly when we pull in the driveway.
Just keep at it. They don't do what they are supposed to do at 13.
And in some cases at 23
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