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I'm really concerned about this big fish in a small pond going to a big pond where she will be a little fish.
Does anyone have any advice? We will visit as much as possible. Personally I never went to college so I'm not sure what could pop up that would bother her the most.
I highly recommend that you (and your daughter!) check out this article about how University of Texas has been trying to even out their graduation rates from students of different backgrounds (a lot of it focuses on income but is very relevant for first-generation college students too). The take-home message that I got out of it is that students coming from highly educated families and competitive high school academic environments don't take college set-backs to heart too deeply. The same setbacks (which almost everyone has) are much more likely to throw students off course if they don't have a good idea of what to expect. But when people talk to new students about this issue explicitly, it has the potential to really help them manage expectations and get over obstacles.
The Hawaii thing plays a big part. She's my step so she is not exposed to as much as if she were with my husband and I more often.
We were out shopping and she asked what in the world were pantyhose?!!! Hawaii is like a small town USA, and she is from a small rural area in that small town. /lol
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College was the best time of my life due to freedom from parents. They left me alone and I HAD FUN. It was great to experience other kids who had grown up and had a different life. I went to school in Boston, and we had many "small-towners" come in and experience life in a big city for the first time and it's a culture shock.
She's gonna have fun, she might do things you may not approve of, but that's how college is. Let her be.
Go get a dog, or take up a hobby. You've done your job, now let her spread her wings
Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-01-2015 at 02:19 PM..
Reason: quoted post was deleted
She is going to GCU in Phoenix? If so, it is a Christian university, and the people are generally very friendly and helpful. I have several friends with kids there and they have only had wonderful experiences. They say it has a very small university feel. She will love it there!
It will take some adjusting to the weather here. It is still very hot and dry in August, so she may not realize how much water she needs to drink. Dehydration is one of the biggest issues for people coming here from out of state. Make sure she either has a water service or easy access to water in her dorm. At Arizona State, some of the water fountains are 3 or 4 floors away from some of the dorm rooms, but I don't know about GCU. I know kids will get into studying and forget to drink, so it's best to have it right there in the room.
You can PM me if you like. I have a child at ASU and she knows more about GCU than I do from her friends. I can ask specific questions if you like! I do know that they have very strict rules on having guests and members of the opposite sex in the dorms, and they are definitely enforced. That seems to be the rule that takes students by surprise! LOL.
Thousands of kids go to college every year, 99.9% of them are perfectly fine. Your little angel will be perfectly fine too. Find a way to stay busy. Empty nest is rough. But you'll manage. Don't transfer your anxiety to her. It's not fair. This is her time.
Lots of kids "dislike" things when they head off for college (or so they think and so you think as the parent). They grow up, change, find themselves when they are away from home for the first time without someone watching them every minute. They experiment and that's ok. It's part of growing up, part of the experience that is college. Sometimes high school romances survive, often they don't. It's going to be a transition for everyone.
I'm just suggesting you need to relax. If you've done a good job (and it sounds like you have), she'll be fine. She'll make new friends, she'll branch out, she'll adjust and she'll do well. It'll be an adjustment for both of you, but really she'll be okay.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-01-2015 at 02:21 PM..
Well, if she's from a little village on an island, she couldn't have picked a more different place to go to college, which is in the desert. Should be interesting to say the least.
Our daughter leaves for college this August to University of the Grand Canyon. She comes from a small community on small island and has only traveled to the mainland for vacations. Here she was a soccer god (dess), great grades, student council, speaker at graduation, homecoming queen, prom queen and lord knows what else. Small school where her class was like 75 grads.
I'm really concerned about this big fish in a small pond going to a big pond where she will be a little fish.
Does anyone have any advice? We will visit as much as possible. Personally I never went to college so I'm not sure what could pop up that would bother her the most.
Some kids have no trouble with this and others have a lot of difficulty. I would encourage her to find a way to be a "big fish" (or at least not a totally "unknown fish") in some part of her life. Whether it is gaining new friends on her floor in the dormitory or joining a small club at college where she can be an active member or even meeting a small group of regulars Tuesdays and Thursdays at the gym.
I went out of state for college but not from Hawaii to Arizona!
I was only about a 16 hour drive from home (Atlanta to Texas). Still, it wasn't cheap to go back and forth. I never came home during the semesters (except for once my senior year). My first semester I only saw my family at a football game in October and for Thanksgiving when they came to Texas. I knew no one before going out to college but despite not seeing my family for 2 months I managed. A big part of that was gaining new friends. I've always been a bit shy but even I had quite a bit of friends in just a few days. Encourage your daughter to be active in student groups and her dorm. Having a support group of friends can help make college feel like a second home.
Thank you for all (most) of the responses, they are very helpful and a lot of good ideas and insights. Appreciate the help.
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She's my step so she is not exposed to as much as if she were with my husband and I more often.
