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My 36 year old son is a single paren with full custody of his children. He moved in with me 6 months ago because he did not have anyplace else to go. His 3 children have special needs and behavioral/emotional problems. I watch the children while he works. My son will leave in the middle of the night to go to his girlfriends house. Other times, he will ask if he can go see his girlfriend for an hour or so but ends up not coming home until morning. When I say anything he insults me and becomes extremely angry. I don't like to be left with the kids because I think they are his responsibility. He thinks I am crazy and selfish because I don't want him to have a good time. What do you think?
I think you need to tell your son that his children are his responsibility when he is not at work.
He helped create them and he can raise them.
He can "have a good time" when the children are grown.
I would also tell him that he needs to find daycare for the children while he is working.
It appears he thinks since he moved back home he is a teenager again without any responsibilities because "Mom" will take care of it.
So Mom, quit taking care of it and force him to be the parent all the time and if he does not comply give him a set amount of time to find a new place for him and the children to live.
If he does not find a place then start legal eviction proceedings.
I would also ask him why his girlfriend is much more important than his children, does he really need sex that badly?
Thank you for your response. Just like the others, you have great wisdom. I have heard him complain so much, I wanted to know how others would view the situation. I thought maybe I wasn't being objective. I care so much for the children and he is using that to his advantage. He knows I wouldn't put little kids out on the street. Thank you again for your thoughts! I'll let you all know how it ends!
You have no legal claim to these children and they are not your legal responsibility, they are your son's legal responsibility.
All you are doing is allowing your emotions to get in the way and enabling him to insult you and take complete advantage of you.
Either boot him and the children out, get legal guardianship of the children and boot him out or do not complain that he treats you like he does.
My 36 year old son is a single paren with full custody of his children. He moved in with me 6 months ago because he did not have anyplace else to go. His 3 children have special needs and behavioral/emotional problems. I watch the children while he works. My son will leave in the middle of the night to go to his girlfriends house. Other times, he will ask if he can go see his girlfriend for an hour or so but ends up not coming home until morning. When I say anything he insults me and becomes extremely angry. I don't like to be left with the kids because I think they are his responsibility. He thinks I am crazy and selfish because I don't want him to have a good time. What do you think?
My 36 year old son is a single paren with full custody of his children. He moved in with me 6 months ago because he did not have anyplace else to go. His 3 children have special needs and behavioral/emotional problems. I watch the children while he works. My son will leave in the middle of the night to go to his girlfriends house. Other times, he will ask if he can go see his girlfriend for an hour or so but ends up not coming home until morning. When I say anything he insults me and becomes extremely angry. I don't like to be left with the kids because I think they are his responsibility. He thinks I am crazy and selfish because I don't want him to have a good time. What do you think?
I think he's an entitled assclown and you should make him find another place to stay. Stop enabling him.
Such a sad situation. I'm sorry this happened, to you, and to your grandkids.
No words of wisdom, just sorry to hear of this. And don't let people guilt you - it's a difficult situation and it's not as easy as some people want to make it out to be. It's not just like you can magically say "Okay, straighten up" and he will. The kids are vulnerable here, and you are, too. It's not something that can magically be resolved by "stop enabling."
Another idea. When he says that he is going to his GFs for an hour, say, "Okay, that's fine, but I need to go out and do "something" in an hour, so make sure you are back. If you don't go and do things normally, make a list of stuff to do that you can pull out for these situations. Shopping, visiting a friend, some club...something
Thank you for your response. Just like the others, you have great wisdom. I have heard him complain so much, I wanted to know how others would view the situation. I thought maybe I wasn't being objective. I care so much for the children and he is using that to his advantage. He knows I wouldn't put little kids out on the street. Thank you again for your thoughts! I'll let you all know how it ends!
This isnt going to end. They will be in your house forever. He is making no attempt to move out; why would he? He will do exactly what he wants when he wants, because there is nothing you can do to stop him.
You are 65 now; in 5 years, you'll be 70, and likely they will still all be there. The kids will be older, Im afraid your son may get abusive. I dont see any way for this to end well. Good luck to you.
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