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Is this normal? Is it healthy? Shouldn't a child believe they come first?
I think you might be asking the wrong questions. I also think that trying to manage your husband's relationships might not work and that he is actively pushing back.
To me, the relevant question would be: What does he get from the dog that he doesn't get out of his relationships with you and his daughter?
Be very careful with your child around the dog. Sounds like she hasn't learned yet that being unkind or rough with animals is absolutely never okay and she probably does resent the dog as others have said. Pets are generally easier to be around, loyal, loving, etc than wives and kids ;-) so I understand his response in a way, but maybe he's emotionally "retarded".
Dogs don't understand. They need reliable knowledge that they're considered important but not as important as the children. The reliability of the knowledge is what's important, to help them understand how they fit in. A confused dog can sometimes get in a bad mood and kill a child. Or they can injure a child when they're just playing. It's very important for a dog to learn that it's important for them to treat children with respect. The only way they can learn that is by learning that the dog's importance to the family is less than the children's importance to the family. Dogs understand that, and don't get jealous about it. They just need clarity. Ambiguity is what makes them go crazy.
your dhModerator cut: delete is being an unfeeling jerk. he needs to seek counseling. no father or husband with any compassion and love for his wife or children would ever say such things. even if your daughter has not learned how to treat the dog, doesn't make any justification for your husbands words or feelings. he has issues that you can't fix without help. if he sees nothing wrong with what he said and how he feels I would pack my pags, kids and leave him the dog.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-30-2015 at 07:07 AM..
Reason: inappropriate and rude comment
Good grief, this is just about the craziest "family dynamic" I think I've ever heard! I think your husband needs serious, professional counseling, as will your daughter. She's already been made to feel less than a dog. Who knows how that will affect her choices in love partners when she grows up?
I LOVE my dogs, but if I had to choose between rescuing them or my kids out of a burning house or submerged car, etc, I wouldn't have to make ANY choice. My kids come FIRST.
How old is your daughter? If she is approaching adolescence, it may be that your husband is no longer comfortable with her sitting on his lap, and is using the dog as an excuse. This is not right, of course, but might be a partial explanation.
Is your daughter your only child? Has your husband ever had a dog previously? Did he spend much time with and pay appropriate attention to your daughter prior to the dog joining your family?
Clearly, the current dynamics are not good for anyone, but unless your husband can be brought to see that, not much will change. So focus on teaching your daughter to play gently with the dog, and see about some training for the dog, to help lower the possibility of either being injured.
Since her father has wimped out on fatherhood, try to provide as much love and support for your daughter as possible, and let her know you love and enjoy her. Mother-Daughter activities, minus Dad and Dog, would be appropriate right now and would probably help her feel better about herself.
Some "training" for your husband wouldn't be a bad idea, either...
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