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That's a very strange thing to say. If she gives him back $x, how can it matter which dollars the $x came from? It's like saying I spent birthday money on dinner instead of my paycheck, even if they were in the same account.
Money is fungible - this means that the issue of which dollars are used for what is irrelevant - and in many cases - even ill-defined.
Now if your objection is that he shouldn't need $700/month to take the kids out or have fun - that's a more legitimate point, but then again, why is the kids' mother giving their father $700/month for outings bad but taking the kids on similarly priced outings is not?
Would you argue that any parents who spend like that are bad parents even if they can afford it without compromising other important things like college?
The difference is, the child support is for necessities. If she banks the children's money, in a savings account or something similar, if there is an emergency that money is available. It is all well and good that she is currently enjoying employment beyond the ex's but that could change with little notice. Neither parent really should be gainsaying what the court has ordered in terms of support, at least not without going to the court and asking for an adjustment. It isn't HER money.
As for the dad being able to do fun things with the kids, that isn't really what child support is for.
Haven't been to this topic in awhile. I get that child support is something you have to take regardless but I make real good money and he really doesn't make much. I actually feel guilty taking it. I know some have said to keep it for a college fund but I already have that well taken care of and it bothers me that I still have to take it even though I in no way need/want it, especially considering he does spend time when he can.
Hell, I've known more than a few women that happily spend their child support on themselves. I really never understood why CS and what you spend on it isn't closely looked at, because as sad as it is there are lots of women that spend the CS on anything but the child. More like instead of cash part of the money is put on a food stamp type card and part to somewhere like wal mart where one can get the basics etc.
Anyway, I'm not trying to start an argument about what to spend CS on however even I am appalled at what little concern they have at the person paying CS own expenses.
But it isn't YOUR money. That money belongs to your children.
If you are that upset about it, than you should get it adjusted in court.
But right now you are sending a message to your children that their father does not need to contribute financially to their care.
The mythos of the mom spending the child support check on herself is right up there with the welfare queen urban legend. Sure there was likely a handful of cases of abuse but the characterization of this as the majority or even a significant proportion is belied by the FACTS.
But it isn't YOUR money. That money belongs to your children.
If you are that upset about it, than you should get it adjusted in court.
But right now you are sending a message to your children that their father does not need to contribute financially to their care.
The mythos of the mom spending the child support check on herself is right up there with the welfare queen urban legend. Sure there was likely a handful of cases of abuse but the characterization of this as the majority or even a significant proportion is belied by the FACTS.
That is nearly $1200 a month, so the average non-custodial parent is only paying slightly more than 1/3 of the expenses of raising the child.
But by giving it back to my ex the money IS for our children. He always keeps my appraised of what he plans to do and considering when they come back the kids always talk about what a fun time they had it shows it is being used for them.
As for the "it takes a quadrillion $$$ to raise a child stuff" yeah.....if you have to get them the latest ipad/phone/video game system. I don't spend anywhere near $1,200 a month and that is for both of them. Me and my children are doing just fine, living well and I don't see why my ex should have to practically live paycheck to paycheck and in some crappy run-down apartment when he doesn't have to.
And saying it costs nearly a quarter of a grand to raise a child to 18 is absolute rubbish, unless, again you plan on making them live a life of the mile high club. How the heck do you think parents back in the day say early to mid 20th century get away with raising their children without spending so much?
When I was growing up my parents made me start working to pay for just about everything. I sure as hell can tell you my parents hadn't spent anywhere close to $250K on me by the time I turned 18 and together they made decent money.
I just feel bad that my ex is a real good person and spends lots of time with them but is the one most screwed out of it.
I guess this is what feminism means today, not truly equal until women can take men to the cleaners. And I have known a number of vindictive women that are making great money, get a divorce and take whatever they can. Even when I was getting divorced I didn't want to be one of "those" women.
Again, any woman in a western country that is ambitious, intelligent and works hard can most certainly find a great paying job. It always frustrates me when I hear feminists go on and on about how "bad" they have it. I know significantly more women with great jobs/careers than men and the only ones I have known that are living in squalor or have no money are either lazy and/or just stupid.
But I bet you're going to give me a bunch of links from feminist articles talking about just how awful women in the west have it and we're just barely just one step away from living like women in Saudi Arabiia.
I just feel bad that my ex is a real good person and spends lots of time with them but is the one most screwed out of it.
People get screwed on both sides of the system. You have your single mom's working hard never seeing a dime of CS barely making ends meet, and then you have guys paying so much CS they can't afford to do anything really while mom makes a comfortable salary and doesn't really need the money.
You are absolutely right that the idea that kids need a quarter million dollars is hogwash. What is expected these days was not the norm 10-20 years ago. Now everyone assumes parents pay for their kids cell phones, cars, insurance, college, etc. When I grew up, you got a part time job and paid for that yourself, now parents think they are a failure if they aren't buying their kid a 2016 model car for their 16th birthday these days.
The issue is these expectations carry over into split parenting situations where parents can be ordered to pay for things. Nobody forces married couples to save and/or pay for college, but if you get divorced, a court absolutely can. Doesn't really make sense, especially considering married couples aren't legally expected to pay for college.
No matter which way you look at it, the whole system invokes bitter feelings based on many peoples personal experience with it or the experiences of loved ones who went through it. I'm sure there are plenty of women scorned by men lying about income to pay virtually no CS who are infuriated with the idea of you giving it back. Meanwhile, there are probably men who are flat broke, can't save for retirement and constantly fighting with their ex over them wanting more money who finally say "This woman gets it". It's a matter of perspective.
But by giving it back to my ex the money IS for our children. He always keeps my appraised of what he plans to do and considering when they come back the kids always talk about what a fun time they had it shows it is being used for them.
As for the "it takes a quadrillion $$$ to raise a child stuff" yeah.....if you have to get them the latest ipad/phone/video game system. I don't spend anywhere near $1,200 a month and that is for both of them. Me and my children are doing just fine, living well and I don't see why my ex should have to practically live paycheck to paycheck and in some crappy run-down apartment when he doesn't have to.
And saying it costs nearly a quarter of a grand to raise a child to 18 is absolute rubbish, unless, again you plan on making them live a life of the mile high club. How the heck do you think parents back in the day say early to mid 20th century get away with raising their children without spending so much?
When I was growing up my parents made me start working to pay for just about everything. I sure as hell can tell you my parents hadn't spent anywhere close to $250K on me by the time I turned 18 and together they made decent money.
I just feel bad that my ex is a real good person and spends lots of time with them but is the one most screwed out of it.
I guess this is what feminism means today, not truly equal until women can take men to the cleaners. And I have known a number of vindictive women that are making great money, get a divorce and take whatever they can. Even when I was getting divorced I didn't want to be one of "those" women.
Again, any woman in a western country that is ambitious, intelligent and works hard can most certainly find a great paying job. It always frustrates me when I hear feminists go on and on about how "bad" they have it. I know significantly more women with great jobs/careers than men and the only ones I have known that are living in squalor or have no money are either lazy and/or just stupid.
But I bet you're going to give me a bunch of links from feminist articles talking about just how awful women in the west have it and we're just barely just one step away from living like women in Saudi Arabiia.
There is no point in trying to discuss actual facts with someone who doesn't understand what "average" means or how inflation works.
There is no point in trying to discuss actual facts with someone who doesn't understand what "average" means or how inflation works.
I know, it's just that the "average" is ridiculous and there's no need for it to be anywhere near that. You remind me of how Jennifer Lawrence was complaining because she got $45 million as opposed to her male colleague that got a bit more.
I know, it's just that the "average" is ridiculous and there's no need for it to be anywhere near that. You remind me of how Jennifer Lawrence was complaining because she got $45 million as opposed to her male colleague that got a bit more.
A completely irrelevant and baseless analogy as I have brought up NOTHING about feminism or men vs women's income. All I have done is explain that child support is neither yours nor your your exs.
Additionally, you should look up what mile high club means because it does not mean what you think it does and you should not be using it to describe the lifestyle of children.
Child support is not YOUR money OP. It is the child's. If you do not need the money to support the child, it should be going into a bank account somewhere for the child's future use like for college.
If you feel that the child support is too large a burden on your ex, than go to court and ask them to change it legally. Just giving it back is probably illegal (if it is court ordered/garnished) and you are sending an odd message to your child.
^^^ This is the best answer in the thread.
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