Just SMH at parents that dont spank their kids (girl, safety, grandpa)
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As a rule, we don't spank. The times we have were because WE were overwhelmed and out of control. Completely ineffective form of discipline.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
I am impressed. The vast majority of parents wouldn't admit to this, but I think this is a really important idea. Every parent I have seen spank their children did so out of of obvious, visible frustration, and some have even said later that it was out of a moral reason. I think a lot of parent claim spanking as the moral high ground rather than admit they were at the end of their rope.
So thanks Magritte for being honest (and on the internet no less) in a discussion where it is really hard to be honest.
I swatted my daughter 4 times when she was a toddler--3 times on her diapered bottom and once on her hand. Every time I was exhausted and frustrated. The last time, when I swatted her on the hand for squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube and then starting to unroll all the toilet paper, she said, in her sweet little 3-year-old voice, "Don't hit me hard!" It broke my heart and I still feel ashamed when I think about it. Happily, she doesn't remember that incident.
I vowed I'd never lay a hand on her again and I haven't. She was quite a pill when she was little, but from then on we used time-out and taking away of privileges for discipline. She's grown up to be a well-mannered, hard-working teenager.
really it doesn't matter if you spank yourkid(within reason) or choose another approach. I have seen kids from both types of families become complete waste of life and have seen kids from both kinds of families become very successful. A swat on the butt isn't going to mentally currupt the child. personality has a huge impact on the path they go. Personally I think the butt is the only appropriate ( and legal in my state) place to spank a child.
I used spanking when my child was young when I really needed to drive a point home to them. I also used it when they were throwing a fit jn a store. A swat on the butt goes a long way in certain situations. Now that.my child is older and knows better, I can usually take things away or just threaten to spank him and he falls in line.
Like anything, there are many ways to teach children. you just have to find what works best for that particular child. Like I said, a combination of both spanking and restricting certain things has worked for me. It just depends on the situation on which methode I choose
Actually, it's that swat on the butt that is one of the most problematic parts of corporal discipline. Did you know the buttocks is an erogenous zone? It's a highly sensitive area in many ways. So basically, parents are smacking children on an erogenous zone as a form of discipline.
So that raises areas regarding a child's sense of boundaries and all sorts of subtle underlying psychological issues.
There's an entire article on Slate.com about this. Look it up.
Yes its definitely easiest to scare them when they are small. Especially when you're an effectively omnipotent huge giant to them. Great way to parent. Because good parenting is shown by absolute obedience from the smaller being to the bigger one right?
Whenever I see that I say to myself "there's a parent who sure knows how to hit."
What a ridiculous comment. Most parents understand slaps on the butt or hand or whatever are necessary at times- it's part of discipline! I have seen countless kids raised by parents who think slapping or spanking is evil, and their kids are some of the worst behaved kids I've ever seen!
Science has recently shown that spanking as a form of discipline harms the child in the long run.
Lack of discipline also harms the child.
The solution is very very easy. Learn how to effectively discipline your child WITHOUT hitting them. Timeouts, taking away privileges, positive and negative reinforcement, are all very effective discipline tools that don't require hitting.
Parents who ignore science and just hit their kids instead of disciplining them another way are lazy and doing their kids a disservice. But hey, that's okay, because it gives the rest of our kids an advantage. There's no law that says that you have to want the best for your kid. Feel free to screw them up to your heart's desire. I have the law of the survival of the fittest on my side.
Those things work great for slightly older kids, but when a kid is 2, positive or negative reinforcement do zero- as do time outs or taking away priviliges. They are a lot like a wild animal yet at that age, nothing like this makes any difference- the kids just cry and scream and throw things or whatever they do even more if you try to talk sense into them. Sure, at age 4 it would be a different story, but at 2 things have to be handled differently.
What a ridiculous comment. Most parents understand slaps on the butt or hand or whatever are necessary at times- it's part of discipline! I have seen countless kids raised by parents who think slapping or spanking is evil, and their kids are some of the worst behaved kids I've ever seen!
And on that topic, most people with brains in their heads understand there's a difference between a so-called slap and beating on children with belts, boards, tree branches, etc.
For the child from 1 to 3 years of age, the key is redirection. It is also knowing the abilities of your child.
Rather than telling a child what NOT to do, tell them what they can do and direct them to that activity. For example, if the child is jumping on the couch and that is not acceptable, give them a place to jump - a pillow or cushion on the floor, a mini trampoline, outside in the back yard, etc.
Teach your toddler how to do things safely - you would be surprised at what 18 months to 3 year olds can do. Let your child handle fragile things with supervision and s/he will learn to hold them gently and not break them.
Model the behavior you want. This will take time, but it is very effective in the long run. If you want your child to clean up their toys, help them. Don't expect them to do it all without your help until they are older. Make a game out of cleaning up and they will want to help.
What a ridiculous comment. Most parents understand slaps on the butt or hand or whatever are necessary at times- it's part of discipline! I have seen countless kids raised by parents who think slapping or spanking is evil, and their kids are some of the worst behaved kids I've ever seen!
Statements like this make me roll my eyes. How do you know which of those countless kids are spanked, and which ones aren't? Answer: you don't. Unless it's done right in front of you, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I don't even know if my own siblings (all 6 of them), employed corporal punishment, and we vacationed together every two years while our children were young. I'm guessing "no" because we were all raised by parents who didn't, but perhaps the spouses had different experiences.
I have had exactly ONE person ask me if I spanked. She was a young mother, frustrated by her own two kids, and told me she was impressed by my boys. One other time I introduced the subject, because a friend seemed to be constantly spanking. In both cases, the spankings stopped, if the parents are to be believed.
Those things work great for slightly older kids, but when a kid is 2, positive or negative reinforcement do zero- as do time outs or taking away priviliges. They are a lot like a wild animal yet at that age, nothing like this makes any difference- the kids just cry and scream and throw things or whatever they do even more if you try to talk sense into them. Sure, at age 4 it would be a different story, but at 2 things have to be handled differently.
If they don't understand positive or negative reinforcement then they're not going to understand why they were spanked.
What a ridiculous comment. Most parents understand slaps on the butt or hand or whatever are necessary at times- it's part of discipline! I have seen countless kids raised by parents who think slapping or spanking is evil, and their kids are some of the worst behaved kids I've ever seen!
Really? So when you see a child misbehaving you walk up to the parents and ask if they spank or not? And you've done this countless times?
What about when you see well-behaved kids? Do you ask their parents whether they spank or not? And have you done it countless times?
Those things work great for slightly older kids, but when a kid is 2, positive or negative reinforcement do zero- as do time outs or taking away priviliges. They are a lot like a wild animal yet at that age, nothing like this makes any difference- the kids just cry and scream and throw things or whatever they do even more if you try to talk sense into them. Sure, at age 4 it would be a different story, but at 2 things have to be handled differently.
That's completely false. We started timeouts with both of my children at 18 months, and they work like a charm. Even for the boy with the speech delay who couldn't understand a thing I said. If he misbehaved, I put him in a safe place and removed my attention from him. He understood that instantly. As long as the baby was well bonded to mommy and daddy, timeouts given by mommy and daddy are highly effective starting really young.
If timeouts aren't working for your 2 year old, it may be because you aren't bonded with them and they don't desire your attention. Possibly because you hit them. Just sayin'.
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