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Right now I feel Parenting is a thankless job. Over time I know that it will improve but it feels thankless because I am trying advise, rear, guide 2 adults who would rather continue their teenage years (both in their early 20s).
My first adult child is an employed, full time college student, that stays at their current love interest parent's house (25yrs old), while possessing a room in my house. Adult child comes by to change clothes and eat dinner...we do the laundry, cook dinner and wash the dishes...this angers me. As a result, I threatened and tried to move belongings to a closet but I received minimal parental support on the cause. And then, like an fool, I loan money on what appears to be a monthly basis and I am rarely paid back. Very frustrating!
Second adult child is fully employed. On neurological disorder medication. Minor brushes with the law. Drinks and uses drugs(I think only marijuana). History of violence towards members of the house that recently subsided...but oddly, a push over outside the home. Has communication issues beyond belief. And then, like an fool, I loan money on what appears to be a monthly basis and I am rarely paid back. Very frustrating! Yes I repeated the message intentionally.
Remaining children could do no wrong. True angels. They understand my instructions and follow through on chores and stay out of trouble. Sadly, this is probably a result of observing the repeated issues by the aforementioned adult children.
Obviously, I was once a selfish confused adult too that eventually matured. And to be honest, all of my children are great, but the aforementioned issues created a wedge between us. Its become very frustrating because everything I say is challenged. Then I get angry and I am classified as grumpy and moody. My response is: Really!?! I pay for everything. I have done everything for you and I am treated like this and you act like that. I don't what else to say besides this generation is killing me. Take take and give minimal in return.
I am a VERY positive person, but I must ask, where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
I agree, give them a deadline to get their stuff out of the house, stop giving them money, stop enabling them. They will be mad at you for a while but it's for their own good. Stick to your guns.
I think it is pretty easy to STOP doing laundry, cooking dinner and lending money. Just do it. No need to be confrontational about it or hold it over their heads as a "If you don't stop _________ I will never lend you money again." Just don't do it anymore.
No light is even possible until you change course.
Step one, quit enabling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerty
I agree, give them a deadline to get their stuff out of the house, stop giving them money, stop enabling them. They will be mad at you for a while but it's for their own good. Stick to your guns.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
I think it is pretty easy to STOP doing laundry, cooking dinner and lending money. Just do it. No need to be confrontational about it or hold it over their heads as a "If you don't stop _________ I will never lend you money again." Just don't do it anymore.
All great points.
Start with the laundry. When the teens in my hubbies family turned 16 their mom (my MIL) told them "If you want to use that machine (pointing to the family car) you have to learn how to use this machine (pointing to the washing machine), too". She never did another load of laundry for her children ever again (once they turned 16).
In fact, most of her kids would throw in any other dirty clothes (such as the parents clothes)that were in the laundry room to make a full load when they did their laundry so she rarely had to do any laundry at all while her children lived at home.
BTW, my hubby is now 63 and he still does his own laundry AND all of the family laundry, too.
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If they have full time jobs are they paying rent to you? I bet they aren't.
So not only do they have free rent & free utilities & free laundry & free food but you are giving them extra money, too. Sheesh! How are they ever going to learn to be responsible adults? At the minimum, cut off giving them extra money and I suggest giving them a deadline to either move-out or start paying rent and chipping in for food & utilities.
My sister hasn't lived at home for at least 5 years, but my mom keeps her bedroom ready for her, even though my sister was sometimes violent to her and the bedroom is full of old junk and garbage. She also loans money to my sister fairly often and rarely gets repaid. My mom complains bitterly about being taken advantage of by my sister, but my mom is letting it happen and then enjoying the sympathy she gets from her friends about the situation.
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